Ready to face being gay and in love...i think

[Mike797]

Hi, i am 39 yrs and have come to the realisation that it's time to own up about being gay. I have recently had my first gay sexual experience, with a guy that I met online.  The funny thing is, we actually like each other and are now dating.

I fluctuate between feeling really strong/empowered and highly anxious about what the hell I have not done with my life up until now.  I haven't "come out" yet, so I know those challenges await me too..

But the biggest thing for me that makes me feel low and wasted is that if this relationship fails, I will be heading towards 40 and be gay and single...it scares the hell out of me and hurts to focus on it.  

Anyone experienced something similar?  Any advice?

Cheers

M

[justinok]

Hey mate,

Congratulations on this new phase of your life. It's perfectly normal to be feeling this rush of emotions with your first relationship, and this advice is going tobe hard to follow, but trust me it will stop you from going insane: try not to put everything, your whole self worth and future, on the success of this relationship. Just enjoy it for what it is.

I'm in my late 30s and am still single. I have had a few relationships. I used to be terrified of being single, and as a result pursued relationships for the wrong reasons. When you can learn to be happy with your own life and company first, then the right man will eventually follow, I believe.

But there's actually nothing wrong with being single.And at this early stage, when you're still exploring what it means to be gay, then it's actually best for you.

But yes, in answer to your question, totally know how you feel!

[Mike797]

Thank you mate for your advice.  I will try to remain rationale!

[Ally22]

Hi Mike,

I'm in a similar situation. I'm turning 38 this week and I've finally come to the realisation that I need to stop kidding myself. I'm lesbian. I've struggled with it for years. I had a boyfriend for a month or so when I was 19. That is it. I've never been with a woman either because I've just been too scared. My depression and anxiety is getting worse and worse and I'm drinking every day. It is really taking a toll on my health. I've started trying to reach out and joined a lesbian dating sight as a trial member. I haven't had the courage to become a full member yet. I went to a psychology nurse because my doctor said I needed someone to talk to about my depression but I have not been able to tell either of them. I think some friends and family have suspected for years, but the only time that someone asked me I said "no, I'm not gay". I promised myself the next person who asks me will get the truthful answer - but I don't trust myself to be able to do it. I'm scared that because of my age and inexperience I won't be accepted into the lesbian community. I feel I don't fit anywhere. I'm really struggling here. I applaud you for your courage.

[Mike797]

Hi Ally

Wow, I feel for you mate. Thank you for sharing your experience.

I really hope you have success in finding like minded friends and a partner. 

I understand your challenges with "the truth"...all I can say is, just sharing my natural state with 1 person has made a big difference; I didn't realise how much energy I was wasting on keeping my sexuality under wraps. It is quite empowering, though I know there are some challenges ahead with friends and family.

Anyway, thanks again for sharing your story. Brave heart and good luck with taking the next steps.

Mike

[PeeBee_Jay]

Hey Mike,

first of all just wanted to say, that I am soo happy for you that you've found happiness in yourself and even love in another!!

But yes, the fear of finding love and ageing has always been a scary relationship to consider for all people from all walks of life whether they be young, old, gay straight whatever. So they are a tonne of people out there feeling exactly the same way as you. And for someone who is young and gay myself 40 actually doesn't seem that old. This is one aspect that differs to heterosexual relationships in that age is not so important when it comes to being single. I decided to post a reply to your thread because my grandfather actually came out as gay I believe around your age and he's now just turned 60 and let me tell you he's still rocking it in all aspects of life ahaha. He has been through a number of relationships some short whilst others long and proper, but even now still being single he is happy as happy can be and enjoying his life to all extremes. So I guess really it comes down to your outlook on life and how young you choose to be. And to be honest I actually think 38 gay and single is one of the many norms these days.

So don't look at your age as a sentence, look at it as an opportunity, coz remember age is just a number 🙂 

[Mike797]

Thanks for the advice/perspective; very helpful 🙂