Questioning Sexuality?

[OreoCat22]

I have had a bit of a rocky path with relationships. I started dating my ex when I was 14 and dated him for 4 years (I am a girl). We had a hard relationship lots of mental health problems, he emotionally abused/manipulated me and would coerce me/guilt me into sex after I said no. When I was younger I always said I could never be with another girl as the thought of it made me feel weird and uncomfortable. When we broke up I got a new job not long after where I met my best friend. We became friends really quickly and got really close and began to get feelings for each other. This was really confusing for me because I didn’t know I could have a feelings for another girl. Eventually we began dating a year after me and my ex had broken up. She’s helped me come to terms with everything he did to me and understand how it impacted me a bit more. We have been together 3 months shy of 2 years and I’m now not sure if I am gay. Sometimes being physical with her and hugging and cuddling etc feels good and normal and other times it feels uncomfortable. I tried to talk to her about being unsure about my sexuality and who I am as a person and that I’m not happy with my life at the moment cause I never explored who I am and now im stuck doing the same thing day in day out. She convinced me to try for 3 more months but I’m not sure if I should now. Will I feel better in our relationship again or the fact that I’m feeling this way now I should end it and be by myself for a bit. I do love her and it hurts to think about living without her but at the same time I’m constantly thinking about experimenting with other people and trying to live life on my own

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

First up I'm 66yo, male, hetro, married with grown daughters.

I recall the singer Missy Higgins saying once when she lived with her gay partner (she's married to a guy and is a mother now) "I treat sexuality as being fluid".  She meant of course that she doesnt pigeon hole her sexuality, she just runs with it in the direction she likes it to go. This was a very good way of describing herself because she is herself and didnt see the need to abide by any of societies expectations of what category she should fit into. You are you, thats a right you have and exercising that right is an example of freedom.

I'm not a professional medical person but I will raise the possibility of an emotional damage done by your ex boyfriend. That matter would best be discussed with someone more qualified. Start with your GP with an open chat.

I think your current partner is trying to be wise in avoiding you making any rash decisions with the 3 month suggestion however if you are more needy to have a break then feel free to utilise your freedom to break off earlier. Again, its your right. It's her right to suggest it also. However feeling obligated to comply is not a good feeling to have so stick with your gut instinct.

I have one thread I wrote years ago that might be in the ball park of how I think you should feel about your own sexuality. You only need the read the first post. Enjoy the read and I hope you find your goals in life. You sound like a beautiful person

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/sexuality-and-gender-identity/lgbtiq-not-conventional-you-are-st...

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/accepting-yourself-the-frog-and-the-scorpion/td-p/1...

TonyWK