OUTCASTS

[Grazee]

I've had a long life and I'd say . . . only a few regrets. One thing that does upset me is that for a large part of my life I've been an outcast. Early on Society wanted to punish and transform me but as the years have progressed I guess being gay got a little easier; but I'm still an outcast. As I watch TV I'm confronted with a hetro world that is continually in my face. I get angry when I'm forced to view straight love scenes and sex encounters. I have feelings of love and desire that are wholesome and natural but the straight media simply ignores my needs. I find it further insulting that straight society portrays lesbian encounters and I'm led to believe, get turned on by them. Weird?

But create a scene where two men kiss each other, this is deemed unacceptable.

I believe that the Libs, if they win the election, will conduct a plebiscite on gay marriage. That's ridiculous! If two people of either sex want to make a commitment to each other, they don't need anyone's approval.

My journey is coming to an end and I sincerely hope that younger generations will rebel at being outcasts. We gays are wonderful, caring intelligent and resourceful people who very rarely indulge in violence. We should be welcomed unconditionally into all aspects of life in this wonderful world.

[Grazee]

Yeah Rob it really sucks doesn't it. The same people who
shunned you probably are prone to violence, are racist, religious shams and have
criminal records, in a word . . . . Hypocrites.

I reckon it's good to be angry; as long as you don't internalize it. We as a band of brothers have every right to be angry and to let the straight world know we're angry. Anger was the impetus that made Stonewall so important in the history of gay rights.

Has 'camping' it up helped? I'd like to know because I've often felt reluctant to proclaim that I'm gay. It's been my belief that if a straight person doesn't proclaim his or hers orientation why should I. Of course the aversion torment they gave me has messed up my brain so I don't know which is right . . . . either to come out at the start or just simply say nothing. I'm a bit confused.

I do know that a friend of mine did act camp; for his trouble he was stabbed near to death.

You mentioned earlier that you are a member of a religious group. Have you found religion comforting? Has it helped in any way? My attitude is that all religions are bad; some are just worse than others. I was raised a Catholic and it didn't take me long to see through the hypocrisy. I recall my mother inviting the local priest
to visit me without my consent. He simply told me that if I repented my evil ways, confessed, said an act of contrition and accepted Jesus, I would be cured. Imagine that!

I'd love to hear back from you. It's so comforting to learn of other experiences; it makes me feel humble.

[marcus_c]

I come from a Christian background and I retain my faith, although it hasn't been easy. I have to block out the hateful voices that (I believe) hijack the message of Jesus for their own ends. I was lucky to find a great group called Freedom2b for gay Christians which has helped me see that I'm not the only one. I'm lucky to be in a very accepting church as well. I wish it could be like this for every gay person of faith.

[Gruffudd]

Hi there Marcus,

I agree, that sums up how it has been for me. The people who speak to hate or exclude have got it wrong, it is not what Jesus was on about. I am lucky where I live to have a church that not only accepts but the priest turns up when there is something like a marriage equality rally and speaks in support. Thankyou for being here and reminding me I'm not the only one.

Rob.

[Gruffudd]

Hi Graham,

I think the balance is somewhere in the middle. Sometimes I am a bit camp, when a pretty man walks by, I enjoy the moment, why not? The harder part was stopping myself from modifying my behaviour, from hiding. Sure there are circumstances when I might need to be a small target like a Friday night down the main street. Otherwise though the challenge is to just be me without second guessing how others will respond.

As for coming out, mostly these days I don't. I agree with you straight people don't so why should I? Also, I think it would be a worry if someone didn't figure it out. I talk about boyfriends when others talk about their partners or ex, I celebrate those important days like, wear it purple, I have a picture of me with some drag king dyke sailors on my desk, which reminds me to smile and celebrate.

So religion... My mother is a minister in the Uniting Church. I think it is like other parts of society, there are some very kind hearted decent people, and there are others I'd rather not be around at times. For me it is about my faith. It is where my ethics come from, the seeking to understand what it is like for others, accepting and engaging with the good in people (there is always something good), learning to question myself when I am too quick to dismiss or dislike someone. I can't and don't want to walk away from it or my family, I don't see why I cant have it all and be both gay and christian.

There are plenty of LGBTI people who I understand have been hurt and rejected by the church and people they love. I quite understand they want nothing to do with it. It makes for unfortunate words and can trigger much upset. What I would observe is the change that has been happening in the community around us is also happening in many a church community - they are the same people, and there are LGBTI people, their friends, and loved ones too.

Rob.

[Grazee]

Thank you for sharing your background with me. Of all the churches I've been exposed to, I've formed an opinion that the Uniting church is more gay friendly than others. I don't believe in a God; I believe there is some universal force that controls our daily lives. I don't know what that is nor do I think we'll ever know. But I believe that if religion brings you happiness and contentment then having a belief ain't necessarily a bad thing.

Being a catholic I was taught to fear god. When I look back my whole life has been one of fear. Fear of punishment; fear of banishment; fear of AIDS; fear of rejection. When you add fear of God into that mess, it became one fear too many.

Is your Mum supportive; can you talk to her about issues; about being gay? I never really had a mother or father so I like to believe that others have positive family support.

[Gruffudd]

Hi there,

I suspect the whole world view is quite different from that Roman Catholic culture compared with what I was brought up with.

Fear is a bit of a destructive thing, I think it cuts you off from the good things and holds people back.

The conversation with mum about me being gay started when I was 11. The world was changing, I had a boyfriend, Communism was crumbling in Eastern Europe. I think it helps that with mum being gay has always just been a part of who I am, not bad or good unless I chose for it to be so. Everything has a purpose, god doesn't make mistakes, and anyway it's not for others to judge.

The first conversations more generally were back when I was 6 and NSW was making those changes to the Crimes Act so that gay men could do their thing at home. From then I knew it was important to be who you are and not to compromise that - something my mother taught me.

My grandfather was a ward of the state and never had a sense of having parents. I think it had the effect that he didn't trust relationships to be there long term, and had trouble settling on a place being home.

Rob.

[marcus_c]

Hi Grazee, I'm in the Anglican Church and while there are extremes within every religion, I have found many parishes to be very liberal, not just with gay issues but also with how they look at spirituality and God itself. What you say about there being a universal force, but you're not comfortable with calling it 'God', a lot of people believe that in the church. It's not all about thinking it's a big white man with a beard in the sky. For me, my faith is a way to contemplate that existence and my place in the bigger scheme of things. Lots of questions, lots of wonder.

If you want to see a really good example of a Christian faith advocate for gay issues (as well as lots of other humane causes that Jesus would have fought for), look up the Anglican Parish of Gosford. Their parish priest Fr Rod posts a lot on Facebook, including sermons. They also use the billboard outside the church to advocate a lot. It helps remind me that at its best Christianity is about social justice, not oppressing others or telling them how to think and live.

[Gruffudd]

Hi Marcus,

I've been Anglican since I left home, I respond to the way you look at faith, I think that about describes me too - Lots of questions, lots of wonder.

Rob.

[Grazee]

Wow . . . I'm green with envy; you have a wonderful mother ( I hope she's still with us ). What was her reaction? Did she try and convert to being hetro? My teen years were back in the 1950's and homophobia was rife. I couldn't talk to anyone because I was afraid. It seems I've lived in fear all my life. Looking back I had no other choice but to live a silent, fearful outcast.

I can't bring myself to believe in the words of the Nicean creed. I'm sure that the pastor you mentioned is a very good human being; but one pastor does not a religion make. Remember the Anglican church almost split when on of their hierarchy announced he was gay.

I just can't believe in a life hereafter; I can't believe that this was granted after 10,000 years of human existence. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to believe in something but after studying the history of Christianity I have many doubts. But once again If you get solace and happiness then go for it . . . . I'm happy for you.

I'd like to hear more about your involvement with your church if its possible. I mean, how do the fellow church members react to your being gay?

[Grazee]

Marcus, you and Rob seem to be comfortable with being Christians. I'm a little confused because my only exposure ( a catholic exposure ) has been negative. Do you accept the Christian belief as stipulated in the Nicean creed? I can't and thereby lies my problem. I turned against religion because religion turned against me. I was told that I could be readmitted to the fold if I repented and stopped being Gay. I had no choice but to resign from Catholicism.

Its the hypocrisy that angers me. The church has covered up crimes against young children for many years. Most of those children were young boys and the church refused to acknowledge that they were homosexual crimes. I've heard that somewhere in Rome gay clubs have been established solely for priests. But still the official line is that homosexuals are outcasts and sinners . . . oh, I forgot; they'll forgive the sinner but not the sin. What crap!