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need advice - what am I??

Community Member
I've been confused for a few years now, I'm female and I've had boyfriends and I'm attracted to men, but I think I'm also attracted to women? I like to watch female on female porn and have kissed a few girls but I'm just not sure?? Am I bisexual or just curious? 
6 Replies 6

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Octavia, welcome here to beyond Blue forums

Well in the very least you deserve a big pat on the back for this post. Brave you be.


you have a journey ahead of you and although your post reads confused, I hope with your post you find some answers. Furthermore and just as important, is for you to take this journey with positivity and enjoyment. Please dont include in your quest the following - traditions, other peoples expectations, fear, guilt etc and dont be afraid of making mistakes.

Find yourself Octavia....and feel free to be who you are- an individual.

Take care          Tony  WK


Community Member

Hi Octavia,

Why put labels on everything? Labels are rigid and very black and white. Why don't you have a look at a few of those in between grey shades? Just do what makes you happy, that's the important part. You. 


Thank you for your reply white knight,  but how can I not be afraid? What if the people in my life don't accept me?

Hi again Octavia,

Well, with mental illness at least, ridding yourself of toxic people is one of the processes in any recovery program in my opinion. With depression for example the mix for some form of recovery can include meds, therapy, workplace change, family changes, location change eg to the country from the city and ridding your life of toxic people.

toxic people can include those that hinder your progress to be yourself, to undertake the development you crave....and that includes family members.

I watched a show on ABC tonight, think it was 4 corners about transexual people including children.An amazing show it was.  It included a boy turning to a girl and she was 11yo. Her parents were soooo supportive and ndnerstanding. Then there was a born female to male guy that "came out" on X factor this year. He was asked about the reaction of his mother to him coming out and he said his mothers comment was "I cant handle the way you look now" (or similar words).  It was deflating, hurtful and he appeared all alone as he said those words.

Frankly my life of 58 years has told me that life is too short to mess around with fickle judgemental and road blocking opinionated people that claim to love us. Be prepared Octavia for a rough road ahead but if you have a weeding out strategy and a welcoming friendly persona to those that seem to be your kind of loving caring and accepting personality....you will in the end overcome the loss of those that drag you down.

I know this too well. 5 years ago I rid my life of my mother, a demanding, controlling person that really needed treatment for what I believe was severe Borderline Personality Disorder but was and will always be in denial. When her actions over stepped the line my sister and I ended our relationship with her and have never looked back. Sad as it is, you just have to move on.

You can carve your life based on where happiness takes you or you can dwell with those that criticise your personality and hinder your journey. The latter is at great expense, the former is bliss. Allow those that dont hold your hand to dwell in their own standards and judgements.

My view      Tony WK

dear Octavia, thanks for posting your comment, unfortunately we don't get many posts like yours, as I feel as though people feel some guilt, which should never be the case, and I'm sure that there are so many people who read comments and want to do so, but could be frightened, and there's no need for this.

When anybody wants to bring a new partner home or to meet their friends aren't they also scared of the reaction and feedback, and when comments are made you maybe annoyed, embarrassed and perhaps angry, we can't stop any of this, it's a natural reaction.

Any criticism by your friends/family should be 'taken with a grain of salt', because they will comment on whether you have either sex, remember this is your life not their's.

Why don't you google this 'the self esteem institute' or it may lead you onto another site, but it will tell you how to improve your self esteem, or actually how to let their comments just bounce off you.

Let us know how you get on. L Geoff. x

Community Member
Thank you Geoff, I will have a look into that website, usually I can just let people comments bounce off and it doesn't really affect me but I don't think the comments I would get from coming out with this would just bounce off.. I appreciate your advice