LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place

[MsPurple]

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community.

A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations 🙂 Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all."

If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything

Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s

I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer

Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums

MP 🙂

[lil quirky]

Hello mmMekitty and thelivedperspective,

First of all, thank you for you kind replys to my previous post, me and my mum have a very close relationship yet quite wierd, my mum has and is going through some increadibly hard times, and I've always been the person who she talks to about all of her problems as I'm the oldest and she needed someone to talk to so I guess I was her therapist in a way for a while, but even though she says she is in a better mental state, it's just become habit now to let everyone let out their vents on me and I just sit there and listen and give advice, but then bottle it all up, and then when I try to talk to my mum I start then start bawling because everythings just bottled up, and then I get embarassed and shut down and can't talk, can anyone relate to this?

I may be just able to ask her to go see a psycholosist or something but then I'm affraid that she'll ask a million questions that I don't want to answer.

I haven't heard of Qlife before, I might sign up and try once I stop procrastornating my homework for writing these things haha, maybe in the coming school holidays.

And yes I have posted a few times, I'm glad you've noticed 🙂 and yea, I can relate to a few people and help people out and I love it! I think its a really good coping mechanism for me, and I'll keep using this or a while I think 🙂

Lovely to meet you guys, have a wonderful day, feel free to talk anytime as I would love a chat although I'm asuming you are very busy haha.

Also welcome to the community thelivedperspective hope you have a wonderful time here 🙂

Also one question (to anyone idm)... I'm just curious if you have watched Heartstopper? haha

kind regards

-lil quirky

[mmMekitty]

Hi lil quirky, & all,

😸Don't have subscribe anything like that, so I haven't seen the show.

I wonder, would you be able to sit with your mum, ask her to please not interrupt & let you speak. If you take a box of tissues with you, & also ask her to let you cry, & then, if you do, what you do is have your cry, take some deep & slow breaths, calming yourself & then continue. Let her know this is really important for you, & you need her to be patient & not ask a lot of questions.

I wouldn't expect her to not have any questions. When she does, if she is asking something you don't want to answer, can you say, "I don't want to answer that question right now."? & then, you might never answer, or you might at some later time, choose to say more to her.

Also I don't think you will be able to talk about everything in one session with her, (or with any therapist, either, for that matter), & maybe, ask her if the two of yu can make appointments to talk, say, once a week, for 45 minutes? This can be a time, just for the two of you, & then you could know there will be other times you'll have to talk. so everything need not be put out there, all at once. Try to say everything all at once is too much for you to say & for her to take in.

At some point, mum deserves to voice her own opinion & to ask questions.- that's fair.

Some people favour writing down what you want to say, maybe using bullet point.

You could begin with an introduction, which spells out about what the conversation you want looks like, the time-out to cry, if necessary, about when questions can be asked, etc. Does she agree? Do both of you need to negotiate more befor getting into what yu want to talk about.

Then, write your list:

• This
• This
• &This

• Until the last (for now).

I hope this helps.

I'm a little concerned to think you are your mum's 'therapist'. You are not. You are her daughter, & she is your mother.

Being cast as 'family therapist' isn't easy. When do you get to be vulnerable, & receive some support for your own needs? I know you can't control what your mum does, but while asking to see a therapist, you might mention how difficult it is talking to people who only want you to listen to them. You can tell her, it's too much sometimes. or a lot, how it feels, how often. Maybe even when this is happening, hold up a hand & tell them then, "Too much. I can't deal with so much".

You are being a great big lil quirky for your lil sibs, but it is a huge task for one so young yourself.

Warmly,

mmMekitty

[LittleBeanLad]

I'm asexual and maybe aromantic (still figuring things out). Ive just been wondering if aro/ace people can still be in relationships. i kinda like the idea of being in a relationship, but im not quite sure. ive never experienced sexual attraction, so ive assumed im asexual (plus i have no desire to have a sexual relationship). But ive never experienced romantic attraction either. I dont even know what its supposed to feel like, so how would i even know if i DID have feelings for someone? Ive had strong feelings for someone before, but turns out i just really wanted to be good friends with them lol (which tends to happen to me quite alot). anyone got any advice? im just so confused all the time

[PandoranMama]

Something that is a slight pet peeve of mine...

Ally does not belong under the A in the acronym.

Allies are not part of the community, as they are usually heterosexual and cisgender, the complete opposite of someone who is queer. They are a support network for those in the community.

The one overlap that may occur between the communities is when it involves closeted queer individuals.

Besides that, no Ally is part of the community.

The A stands for identities like Asexual, Aromantic, Agender, etc.

[PandoranMama]

Aro/Ace people can definitely still be in relationships!

Society has this skewed view that a successful relationship has to be either romantic or sexual, or both, in order to work when that is not true at all, and it makes us that fall outside of the allosexual and alloromantic spectrum like something is wrong with us.

I would suggest looking up on QPPs, or Queer Platonic Partnerships/Relationships. It might be something more to your liking when it comes to wanting the closeness, but none of the other stuff.

I hope this helps =3

[LostAndCaringDad]

I really need help finding information and advocacy. 
I’m cismale hetero but wear dresses, and the family court recently decided to remove my children from my care in part because I sometimes wear dresses. They relied on a dishonest expert who reported that my 9yo is not really non-binary, just unduly influenced by me and his older brother. Likewise they accepted from this expert that my 16 yo who was diagnosed with gender dysphoria years ago needs a psychiatric review because of how I dress. There have never been any accusations of violence against me, and all three of my children said they’d rather live with me or 50/50. The court also noted the kids feel “nurtured” by me. All three of my kids identify as LGBTQI and I’ve always supported that in an age appropriate way. The people who advised the expert to disregard the kids’ views were their mother and her father (a paediatrician). The court has now forced the younger children to live full time with their mum and also removed my right to making decisions about their schools and healthcare. The mum has a history of preventing them receiving care and invalidating their gender identity, but my lawyer abandoned my case because she found me too annoying due to my disabilities and neurodivergence. 
My youngest was dissociating at age 6 and his mum stopped him from attending a psychologist. She’s now about to force him to change schools in year 3 because she moved 10km away from his current school. His school counsellor warned us years ago not to do this, and she’s been trying to ever since. 
I have just been diagnosed with complex ptsd due to decades of abuse from her and due to unsustainable work circumstances for 10 years. Since the court removed my kids and severed all communication for 4 months) I have begun having dissociative episodes and had to go to ED repeatedly. I’m at imminent risk of eviction and homelessness and can’t get Centrelink because I haven’t done my tax returns. Child support are pursuing me for $1000 per month because they think I’m somehow hiding $200k per year. Somehow I miraculously managed to submit an appeal amidst all this even tho no legal service would help me, and the court has agreed to hear the appeal. But I’m slipping further and further down the cliff as I watch and worry about the risk of harm to my kids, try to pack up my business before eviction (I live and work in the same space) and somehow keep feeding myself without my business which is my only income. 

all I really want is someone with credible authority to write something I can show the court that confirms it is putting LGBTQI kids at serious risk of harm to invalidate their own gender identities without professional consultation (no one involved in the court matter ever spoke to my kids treating clinicians or the clinician who diagnosed my sons gender dysphoria). 
to make it all much worse, the court published both the judges ruling and her reasons for judgment online, and earlier this week 2GB and the Australian reported it in full. It’s ‘de identified’ but anyone who knows us will think it is us, and I’m really worried my kids are now going to get approached at school by kids saying “are you the kid in the news who isn’t really non-binary/trans?”, at a time when I’m not even allowed to support them

[Sophie_M]

Hi LostAndCaringDad,  Thank you for your post today and for sharing your story with the community. We know that it can be really difficult to take that step and ask for some help, but you never know who might read your post and feel less alone in their own experience. It sounds like you are going through a lot right now and you've shown real courage in being able to reach out.
 
We think that QLife would be an awesome organisation to talk to as they are experts in supporting people as they work through their gender identity and may be able to offer you some advice. You can call them on 1800 184 527 or check out their webchat.  
 
You can also give us a call at any time on 1300 22 4636 if you feel like talking to someone. We are here for you, and you don't have to go through this alone.  
 
Thank you again for your courage and for posting in such an articulate way. We hope that there is something that can help you on this journey on these forums and that if you choose to call QLife they can help as well. Please feel free to keep us updated on how you are going if you feel comfortable.   Kind regards,  Sophie M 

[Trans22]

Hi everyone.  I am a transgender women who has been living authentically for almost 22 months and have been on HRT for a little of 18 months.  None of the sexuality labels that I knew worked for me before I realised that I was a trans woman.  I am also now happily asexual but have only come out to a few people on this front.  I also had/have almost all the symptoms of Klinefelter Syndrome (an intersex variation), but don't see any point in getting a diagnosis at my age (>50yo).  I am someone who has reclaimed the word "queer", despite it being frequently used as a slur when I was young.

I endured an enormous amount of bullying during my childhood.  In my adult life I experienced sexual assault and widespread exclusion.  A psychologist is largely responsible for discovery that I was/am a trans woman, by unlocking dissociative amnesia that my subconscious mind adopted as a coping mechanism.  Sadly, all trauma/exclusion can all be traced back to my being unable to hide my feminine mind &/or my abnormal puberty.

I am occasional visitor & contributor to BeyondBlue.  I've had to take myself offline for personal mental health reasons.  I have used BeyondBlue, QLife, LifeLine, 1300MHCALL, psychologists, psychiatrists & other mental health professional to help me whenever I start thinking of death as a better option than life (usually after I've been triggered).

[mmMekitty]

Hello Trans22. 

Welcome back ... with hugzies

When I was younger & trying to understand myself & others, I met many people who wanted to reclaim & be proud of terms such as Queer, Fag & Lesbo ...  I suppose another word which I heard to insult & degrade women who didn't want sex with men was 'frigid', which I guess, could also be directed at we who are asexual. What do you reckon - we reclaim Frigid, too?

I'm serious. It is not wrong or unnatural for us to not feel sexual feelings towards anyone. If that is 'frigid', so be it.

I love the song, I am what I am. Even before I had come to terms with how I felt, as opposed to how others thought I ought to feel, I understood I had to accept myself, & learn about who I am - it's taken me decades.

I'm so glad you know where you can find support when you need. & don't forget, you will always be welcome here.

More hugzies,

mmMekitty

[Trans22]

Thank you for your reply.  I spent ~40 years questioning my sexuality, none of the labels worked for me because I was ignorant of the words "transgender" and "gender dysphoria".  It's great to see queer/LGBTQIA+ people proudly living authentically and reclaiming slurs of the past.  "Frigid" describes my situation very well as I have zero interest in any sort of sexual activity.