LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place

[MsPurple]

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community.

A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations 🙂 Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all."

If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything

Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s

I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer

Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums

MP 🙂

[startingnew]

hi lushwildfire and welcome

Your still very young, and have plenty of time to work out if you like girls or not. Im 22 and am still questioning what i am. To be honest i dont think a label is neccessary. Our sexuality is rather fluid and changes. If you think you might be into girls, perhaps have a think about if it is just their physical appearance, or just their personality that draws you in or do you actually want to be in a relationship? If theres a girl you like and you think she might have feelings for you, would you be open to being in a relationship with her?

These are just things to think about, but please know whatever your feelings are, its ok to have them.

[Sezza_H]

Hey Lushwildfire, I'm sorry I can't be of much help to you but I just wanted to let you know that you're definitely not alone. I too considered myself being straight and never really thought about being attracted to anyone else except for guys. However, I have recently considered the prospect of me perhaps being bi. As a result, whenever I meet a girl at uni for example (I'm 19), I'm constantly assessing my feeling for her: Do i like her? If I do, is it because I admire her and want to be her friend or is it because I want to be with her? I'm not sure if you can relate to this and I apologise for not being of much help but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

[Rikky_Baker]

Okay, first post here we go.

I am so confused about my sexuality, I'm attracted to most people I come across, doesn't matter if they're sex is male or female or whatever (not to belittle one's gender, I just mean I don't have any bias towards a specific one)

A little while ago I had my first kiss with a girl, don't get me wrong I've kissed plenty of guys before. but this time felt different. I'm not sure, but the feeling of wanting to kiss her was way more intense. I was so nervous. Aghh okay I'm going on a little

When was younger (we're talking yr4-yr7) I was pretty masculine for a girl, and when I realised it I remember feeling really bad and stomping it down. I tried really hard to fit in with my friend group at the time, and the more like them i got the more they liked me. One of my best friends is Christian and she spoke a lot about being against gay marriage and her friends being gay etc. that was crappy too.

I guess i just felt really alienated with my peers because all my energy was being put into pretending to be someone I'm not, and that sucks. Don't do that. #lifehack

(I'm getting off track)

At my school i take music as an elective and I'm pretty passionate about it, and I (very casually) came out to one of my friends when we were jamming together. She was like, "wait, go back a couple lines.."

And I can't remember what it was probably something super gay but she ended up coming out to me as well. fast forward a little and (best part about being closeted) we had a sleepover and got to cuddle and watch movies and crap.

But sometimes i think, what if I'm not actually attracted to the same sex? what if I've just been telling people that for so long that I've convinced myself?

It's confusing. There's definitely doubts. But I've already told so many people, is it ok to just say "oh, me? gay? come on that was so yesterday jeez".

[SammyB]

Hey Rikky Baker,

Welcome to the forums. I understand how confusing it can be, especially when in spaces where you feel like you have to pretend to be someone you're not. For me, it was definitely a struggle between being myself and feeling as if I should not disclose to others (especially those who did not identify as part of the LGBT+ community) that I am a lesbian, in order to avoid making others feel uncomfortable. I guess this process involves a bit of being comfortable with being uncomfortable. If you’re confused about your sexuality it is ok to say that you are unsure what you identify as and don't owe anyone an explanation regardless. Saying “ oh, me? gay? come on that was so yesterday jeez” can be even more damaging as it seems to turn being gay as something that is just a fad or can be easily changed. It can be a difficult time when your support group does not necessarily accept your sexuality but there are really understanding people out there (including here on the forum!). If you’re doubting yourself based on feeling alienated from your peers maybe looking into groups in your area that are LGBT+ friendly can provide a safe space for you to explore your identity? Here to talk through things more if you’re up to it.

Sammy

[Rikky_Baker]

Hey Sammy,

Thanks for the advice. I didn't mean to degrade anyone's sexuality or toss around the idea of being gay in such a fickle way. This is all pretty new to me and I'm still figuring things out.

I really love how honest the forums are, not sure why I didn't do this sooner.

Rikky

(look I even put my name at the end like the experienced BB forum-ers)

[MsPurple]

Hi Rikky and Sammy 🙂

We all say things to make ourselves comfortable with who we are. I don't think you were degrading anyone's sexuality just joking about it to feel ok with it. (I've had friends say comments similar, I don't take it to offence as they are not educated, I help guide them). I still kinda joke about mine e.g. 'I'm half gay' (note some bisexuals aren't comfortable saying/hearing that but I'm personally ok with it)

I struggled with my sexuality for a while. Some days I still do. I am bisexual. I am romantically attracted to both genders, however I have never had a girlfriend. I seen more men. And that is ok. Being bisexual doesn't mean you have to be 50-50 into both genders. This is called the kinsey scale. You can't choose where you lie on the scale but can choose how you identify (e.g. I could say I'm bisexual, pansexual, queer etc). I don't always identify openly to. I am just me. And that's ok.

I find it frustrating. That on TV/shows/movies, people are just sure they are gay/lesbian/queer/other. They don't show the full complexity with figuring out your sexuality and accepting it. Yes they do a pretty good job (better than none) however I feel like they could go into more detail about the confusion behind it all. I would have found this helpful.

All in all it is ok to be unsure and to take your time to discover yourself

[SammyB]

Great to hear from you Rikky and MsPurple!

Rikky - As MsPurple mentioned, it's your journey and there’s really no right way of how you decide to explore your identity. We are continually challenged and pressured to fit inside a box or put on a label, but this doesn’t mean you have to do so. I’d also have to agree with you MsPurple, that society likes to portray that once you identify as bisexual, lesbian, queer etc. it’s easy from there. Even when you feel like you have it all figured out, you still have to work through how to navigate certain spaces and take care of yourself when faced with individuals who do not identify in the same way. And yes, even if that means deciding to not always identify openly. This took me a while to understand but I found it necessary as apart of my own self-care. I appreciate you both for sharing a piece of your story.

Hope to see you around, you’re not alone in this.

Sammy

[Whattheflotsam]

Hello everyone im kay and im depressed. My boy friend has become so controlling. He wants me to be a submissive little girl, but i have diffetent desires. Girls. I just wish i had the courage to approach one

[Birdy77]

Dear Kay,

I am glad you've come here for some support.

Being in a controlling relationship is not a healthy or loving place to be.

You are your own person.

I hope you can have the courage to say enough is enough and move on from him.

You can do this.

🌻birdy

[MsPurple]

Hi everyone

whattheflotsam and birdy Have you told your boyfriend you what you want. It can be hard to do so. Everyone wants to be loved. But not all are submissive. I know I'm not a dominant person. If someone told me to be something I'm not I'd struggle with it. Openness is something to try and do. It is not easy. But I suggest talking it over with someone. I found talking to my psychologist helpful. I don' have to go over everything with them on a sexual basis. But about my feelings on that level I could do.

Everyone is different. I know we all want to feel normal. But we are all indviduals and we need to learn to love ourselves even if it is difficult because mental health and other factors tells us otherwise