LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place

[MsPurple]

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community.

A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations 🙂 Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all."

If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything

Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s

I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer

Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums

MP 🙂

[startingnew]

Hey MsP


thank you for your response. Im getting what your saying about the different 'levels' of sexuality when it comes to it but I just really dont know.
I havent really had a relationship with either. I only know what its like with a male and not through choice but none the less I know.
Ive been attracted women before but havent really done much about it, these were early days so I havent got a clue.
Sorry im rambling on. Im confortable calling mysel Bisexual but am I really one.. I havent told anyone beside those that are here about this and not many know about it here either. Its something im still working out I suppose. I am by no means embarrassed or ashamed or anything like that but its got me thinking that if I havent had an experience with a woman how would I really know what im attracted to. Does this even make sense....
im not in it just for sex either, id want to be in it for the long haul good and bad times however long the relationship went for
its confusing me now
ill leave it there and hopefully others can make sense of it.

[Starwolf]

But you do make sense, SN.

I agree with you that you can't really know about the nature of your attraction for women unless you put it to the test.

I remember having a crush on a couple of female high school teachers but never related it to anything sexual at the time. Finding myself so sexually uninterested in men motivated me to experiment with women, with the thought in mind that I could be a lesbian.

Time will tell. Being curious is the first step towards finding out.

[Just Sara]

Hey MsP;

I really don't want to sound like a stick in the mud, but I'd like to comment on your above post to Essen if that's ok.

Whew! Really hard to address comments I don't actually agree with, but here goes. I think you've done an amazing job of relating to SN, but I tend not to use the word 'choice'. The reason for this is due to 'accepting' my sexuality, not choosing it.

I may be playing semantics with this, but it's something I personally feel is important. I choose a partner with the same decision making process I use for everything else. My urges however are part of me. It took me decades to understand and accept this as normal. The % levels you speak of 'within me' can fluctuate; as with gender fluidity.

I know people who analyse a lot (hello!) tend to want to know the in's and out's (pardon the pun) of everything, so sexuality's no different. Like going thru puberty, it's really confusing when there's attraction to both genders. So many changes are occurring; it's all new and exciting, but can be scary too. Eg...family/friends/social beliefs.

But throw in a cocktail of mental health problems, and things get even more confusing. I have a past thread on this very topic prior to becoming a CC.

We don't need to know everything all at once. If someone turns up that floats your boat, you're not going to analyse it to death. You decide if you want to date that person or not. People with sexual assault and rape in their past though, go thru so much more. Eg...me!

So I say this to you with all due respect and caring Essen; you might be triggered no matter what gender they are, because it involves physical touch, self blame, low self image/worth and power/control confusion to name a few.

Your MH issues will affect every relationship, intimate or not, until you've learned to cope with just being and accepting you.

Oh God I hope I haven't insulted anyone or hurt feelings. Please feel free to respond ok. Btw Starwolf; thankyou for expressing your personal self knowledge too. A-sexuality can be difficult for others to comprehend.

Walking away with tail between my legs...

Sez xoxo

[startingnew]

oh god thank god someone made sense of that!

i dont know what i want to do Star, i dont want to experiment, i dont know if i do. i really cant tell.

i suppose theres only one way to find out, in saying that theres no chance anythings going to happen for a while yet.

As Sez said i really do over-analyze everything and having to yell and argue wth males in my household constantly isnt helping me, it just turns me a way which is a shame really considering i know there are good males out there.

in a way having a relationship scares the crap out of me. i dont know what to expect. i hear and see so many relationships endings and they are never pretty, and some of the things that happen i dont know if i want to be involved in that.

Yes Sez unfortunatley it really makes my uncomfortable being touched. people walking past me in a mall and bumping into me sends shivers down my spine.

i just really dont know what i am or interested in, being isolated as well from MH doesnt help me meet people either. im trapped between i want a relationship but i dont think i could handle it and the other is i want to experience what others have.

in saying that it looks like my MH will always have to take priority. but i still dont know what i am.

Bisexual? no? yes?

i just dont get it. im attracted to either but shouldnt i like both just the same and not gravitate towards the only one? is the only way to find out through experiences and experiments?

[startingnew]

those questions are directed at everyone btw

[Just Sara]

Oh Essen...there it is! You said it yourself...

"im attracted to either but shouldn't. i like both just the same"

Self acceptance is the first step. It's ok to have feelings others might not understand or even approve of. It's about learning to be 'you' without guilt or judgement.

It's early days hun. You've got so much on your plate with MH, but it doesn't mean you can't 'look' or 'feel'. Touching's one of your biggies, I know.

Unfortunately, I can't help in that department as I learned to dissociate from those feelings when I was little. Physically I'm fine, probably too fine actually; I crave physical affection. My confusion's about right vs wrong. (As with control/boundaries/safety and what's appropriate)

These issues will come up in therapy along the way. Please don't try and rush things, one tiny step at a time.

Love ya...

Sez xoxo

[Raynor]

Is startingnew essen? I'm confused as usual...

Proceeding on that assumption, I have to agree with both MP and Sez. I don't know many people who identify as bi but most who identify as gay/les if you press it will actually say something like, well i'm maybe 90% les/bi... or 70% or whatever. In other words, we make these categorisations but people aren't categories. Sexuality is often fluid depending on the situation, the gender identity of the other person, and even your own stage of life. It's all okay. And not having a definite label is also okay.

Which isn't to say that your identity is a choice - but there is an element of choice in the label to you ascribe to at a particular time... especially if you're around the middle-ish half of the spectrum.

Just imo of course 😉

[Raynor]

Sorry also wanted to say thanks to starwolf. I'm just avoiding TV and social media. I can't deal with it. I deleted fb app from my phone

[startingnew]

Sez I dont know if im following you with what youve said....


Im not embarrassed or ashamed to be Bi. Im just trying to work out if thats what I am...
I always thought to be Bi yes like both genders but like them equally as in not favouring a gender of the other.
But really how do you know until you find out right...




Stupid bloody MH I tell ya im so over it.
Look and feel , that even feels wrong to me. Its awkward for me to even look at people. Honestly I walk around looking at the floor so I avoid reactions. Ive had way to many touching experiences that werent right for that I just dont know anymore.


I think if was to like someone or be attracted to them I wouldnt really know what to do because it just brings up memories. Honestly if someone would touch me, esp if I was attracted to them I would freeze. I dont have the flight or fight response. I completely freeze.


Maybe it would help to actually talk to people. Just people in general.

[startingnew]

Hi Raynor
yes im Essen also known as SN as well. Its just Sez's lingo but you can call me that too if you like instead of writng my full name.


Im stuck in this situation because I dont get the 90% 70% thing. I really dont. If you like someone then its as simple as you like them. But to me the only experiences ive had arent the ones people dont want (SA).


As Star pointed out I wont know until I experienment or experinces different things but to me im too scared to do that.


I cant even imagine the responses I would get from people around me. They accept LBGTI but not me, nothing I do is good enough so this is something that I would be keeping to msyelf.


Maybe thats why im so hesitant to like other women despite being attracted to them. The judgement that comes with it. I mean if I was younger and came out then but ive had bf's before never for very long but none the less they were there.


Others here have had more experiences than wat I have I suppose and have been able to get yep thats for me or nope dont like it move on.
Thats where im stuck because I dont even know if I want to do that.


I dont know im probably confusing the heck out of people