Homophobic Parents

[Kat_Kai1067]

How do I deal with homophobic parents? I came out to them and they said they support but the mis gender me, dead name me and use the wrong pronouns. I'm so close to running away.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Kat_Kai...

I am wondering if your parents need time to learn all about the person you came out to them with....

I am happy that they have said that they will support you..I think that they love you unconditionally and have in a way showed there love to you....by supporting you...Not all parents do support their children...which is so very sad..

Maybe they don’t know the right pronouns or which is the right way to address you..It’s all new to them..maybe sit down and talk to them and help them to understand the difference pronouns etc...To help you feel more supported by them....

Please don’t run away Kat...Your parents are the only parents that you have and possibly need help to understand you..it’s probably all new to them...and don’t mean to upset you..

My kindest thoughts dear Kat,

Grandy..

[white knight]

Hi again

I agree with Grandy, they need time. Every human is different, we all have difficulty sometimes. I hope life is good and be patient.

TonyWK

[Kat_Kai1067]

You see, now they dont support me at all.

[sbella02]

Hi Kat_Kai1067,

I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this. Coming out can be hard enough, let alone having to face additional homophobia/transphobia. One thing I will say though is that your parents (from what context you've given) don't sound inherently discriminatory, just misinformed or maybe undereducated about this subject.

Depending on your age, source of income, and quality or size of your outer social network, it may not be a good idea to move out of home or run away. I would firstly, if you haven't already and if you feel comfortable, try to explain to your parents why using incorrect pronouns and your deadname is wrong. If you need some help explaining concepts like identity and gender, https://www.pgdc.org.au/ have some really great resources for parents of gender-diverse children.

Otherwise, you could possibly ask another trusted friend or external family member if you could stay with them for a little while.

I wish you the very best and hope that you find peace, love and support in this situation.

Kind regards, SB

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Kat,

I’m sorry your parents have taken back the support they first gave you...

Do you know they changed their mind?..

I think... For some parents, they have been visualising their child’s life from birth....and only want a good life for you....This life might look like...a successful career in a particular field...a certain level of financial freedom....marriage at a certain age and to a certain gender....and a specific number of children...But I think some parents forget that the life we envision for our children might not actually make their child happy. In fact, the definition of happiness we push on them might actually make them miserable...

Again lovely Kat...maybe in time they will accept you for who you are....Right now you coming out to them, have in a way taken away from them their dreams of how they expected your life to turn out...Please try hard to be patient with them...and if they help in accepting you...let them know by your words and actions towards them...that you are still their beautiful child and you still love them....as I’m sure they still love you..but need some time to process what you’ve come out to about...

Here if you need to talk...to help support you the best we can...

My kindest thoughts lovely Kat...with my care..

Grandy..

[Earth Girl]

I'm sorry that they use the wrong pronouns on you. Just because someone's gay or bisexual, it doesn't mean they want to be the opposite sex as well. Do you think you could possibly do family counselling with them with a counsellor you know isn't homophobic? They may be able to help your parents understand that you're still you and a normal person and hopefully they will accept you and stop stereotyping you. They say they support you now, but missgendering someone and dead naming someone is NOT supportive. I had people at school misgender me because of rumours that were made about me so I sort of know how it feels, but I've never had my own parents do that to me. That would be really hard.