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Devastated and lost

Community Member

My partner of 3.5yrs and I have separated, I've tried desperately to fix our problems and to try work through them as a couple, but she wasn't interested, looking back, I think it was only me trying to hold us together.

She has two small children from a previous marriage, she left him for me and I tried to be the person she needed. Supported her and her children without question. I made sure that I was available every day to help her in anyway she needed, apparently she never even noticed. 

Now Im left feeling utterly used and questioning if she ever really loved me and was I just financial support.

Does this excruciating pain ever end????

5 Replies 5

Community Member

Hi Leo, yes the excruciating pain does end. It gets duller and duller like a bruise, and eventually will go. Some of that anger and resentment may stay with you though, and come back at random times, like when you hear a certain song, or see something on tv or in a movie that reminds you of those times. This is what I have found.

After its over, there's no point in second-guessing your decisions or asking whether or not she cared. I've tried to go all CSI after breakups and it never leads you anywhere good.  I take it she was the one who broke it off?

Community Member

Thanks justinok, yes she broke it off. Came as quite a shock and with little or no warning. She desperately wants and tries to be friends and that just rips me apart. 

Hopefully the pain will subside sooner, when I can leave this all behind, I fear the day, but, I know it can only do me good.

I was feeling really depressed this morning, I'm better tonight, but as you know, it comes in vicious waves.

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

dear Leo, I'm sorry for you that she has left you and I tend to believe that she may have used you for financial reasons, and if you believe that she did, then you are better off without her, ouch, sorry.

It's your decision whether you still want to be friends with her, but it become awkward if you her and someone else walking along hand in hand, so I tend to believe that you shouldn't really, but that's your choice. Geoff.

Community Member

Thank You Geoff, I appreciate your candid view, and, it's probably what I need to hear too .

I have told her that I'm unable to be friends, I keep asking why??? Apparently she still loves me......I don't get it, so I think yeah it's for the support.

Im not young and I've been through break ups before, but, nothing comes close to this or the pain. I truly thought I had found the one.

Now I'm trying to learn how to be selfish and look after me.

Community Member

Hi Leo571,

I feel you brother... i recently seperated with my partner and i also tried very hard for the both of us... but he gave up. It doe hurt a lot and i feel like its the end of the world. What i realised is that we tried hard and if the person is not willing to help themselves then there's nothing we can do. Im still hurting a lot and take it day by day. Its hard to let go when you love and care for someone but at the end of the day we need to look after ourselves. I hope you have friends and family that are supporting you. It helps a little but all we need is time to heal.

Hang in there buddy.. I feel your pain. "But in time all the flowers will soon face the sun" (James Blunt").