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Community Member


I'm not really sure where to start..

I am 28, and I have been with my boyfriend for 9 years. I have been attracted to women over the years, but never thought much of it, I kinda thought it was like that for most girls.

From time to time, I would think about it more closely, about whether I might be bi or lesbian but as I'm in a relationship, I dismissed my feelings and thoughts.

Recently, I have been finding it harder to dismiss. I have decided I want to talk about it, but don't have anyone who has been through anything similar.

I am unsure what my next step should be...

How do I know if what I'm feeling is true?




7 Replies 7

Community Member

hey Rebel_girl,

i was in the same boat as you at the age of 25, just got engaged with my boyfriend after we built a house, we were together for 8 years. oneday i woke up and thought, nah, this isnt right ive gotta do something about it... so i did. i left him and everything behind. then i thought, far out what do i do next?!! how do i find a girl to see if what im feeling is what i needed to be...

first night with that girl... WOW!! i was blown away!! my answer was answered... and i havent looked back.. im now 33! and with a beautiful girl 🙂

all i can suggest is, follow your heart, its telling you something. go for it!

Community Member

Hey rebel girl, well I guess one question to ask yourself is how do you feel about your boyfriend? 9 years is a long time. Do you love him? Do you still find him physically attractive, emotionally/romantically? 

And when you think about your attraction to other women, what goes through your mind? Can you imagine living with her? Spending your life with her? Having a family? These are all big questions, but they can help you start to put your feelings into perspective.

Hi Miss Jane,

thank you for your comment 🙂

I guess im kinda in an awkward place at the moment, I do love my boyfriend, but this is something I think I need to explore to figure it out. But I don't want to break up with him only to find out that I got it wrong. I don't know what to do...


Hi justinok,

Thankyou for your comment.

I do still love my partner, although we have been having problems for a while.

with the questions u posed, they are huge and honestly, I have not thought about those things yet...it's all a bit scary at the moment 



Hey there Rebel_girl,

i fully understand. its a risk, risk that we all may find hard to take. i feel as tho i had a outta body experience, now when i look back i think...how did i do that?! i built a house, suppose to plan a wedding etc etc.. something came over me and i just went for it. guess, it will all happen in time.. and at the right time. 🙂

have you told youur boyfriend how you feel?

Community Member

i would disscuss it with my current partner, set boundaries and if there is love there wouldnt one want the other to be happy without continuing a relationship with questions in the air..

 thats what i would do, and hopeing there are ppl like me out there, do it before you have kiddos as it may get complicated..

i konw im a guy and cant even begin to imagine what it is for a girl, but this reminds me of greek mythologie and the fleece... if it was wet or dry yeilded the answer in the story.

 whilst ppl would just go an have sex to tell if they where gay bi strait etc, maybe a weekend with a girl sharing emotions and experiences, delvong into the lesbian culture and meditating on life and love for a period in that weekend might provide answers, but remember allsort for allkinds.... there are all types of relationships with all sorts of sexual attractions and gender identities, so find what is right for you..  and above all, just be yourself and live life to the full while being a good person, and youll go far. 🙂

Community Member

Hi Rebel_Girl,

Perhaps you need to speak to your partner about how you're feeling. Maybe an open relationship can be an option? However it may depend on how strong the both of you can be?

Hope you find a solution.