Hi Pe66les,
I am so sorry that you're feeling so much stress over how you should proceed. While I am not in your situation, I am in my own way doing some soul searching, so I can definitely understand what that's like.
Firstly, I want to commend you and say how proud you should be that you know who you are and how you feel. It shouldn't be treated as negative, despite what others may think or say. Knowing who you are is the first step to real happiness.
From what you're saying, your husband has been unfaithful, so perhaps that has helped you delve into your true feelings. Given your father's attitude, it must have been very difficult to accept yourself, so I can understand your uncertainty.
The first step would be to find someone who you trust immensely. Somebody you know who will support you no matter what the outcome of your realization. A friend, a sibling, a counselor? You need to feel that somebody is in your corner to beginning building your independence and finding out what you want.
Honestly, I think that if your unhappy in your marriage and you aren't sexually attracted to him, that's reason enough to end your marriage. But given the situation, I think that's a gradual process for you, especially given how recent everything is. Talking to a counsellor will allow them to help you talk through that process. You should only leave when you feel confident and ready to. As long as of course, you aren't in any danger. You'll need somebody who will support you in case your family reacts badly or your ex-husband.
Please know how brave, worthy and special you are. You can get through this and be happy. Just take it slow and we'll do everything we can to support you.
