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Confused and fed up lol

Community Member

So I'll get straight to the point. I'm still a minor, but I'm pretty sure I'm asexual (and maybe aromantic but im not quite sure yet). My parents are homophobic. Not outrightly so, and they'd deny it if you ever accused them, but they're always subtly hating on LGBT and making mean jokes and sly digs at the whole thing. My mum goes through my social media from time to time, and I know she reads through my text messages (which I find very unsettling and frustrating but I dont want to confront her about it) so I just dont feel like I have a real safe space where I can talk to my friends about stuff except at school. But its currently school holidays so I cant chat to them either. This probably sounds pretty trivial and all over the place, but its really getting me down and I just dont know what to do anymore. Ive only gotten over some really bad depression in the last year, but it sometimes comes back up and I feel like i cant really ask my parents to let me have therapy sessions again because I've already 'gotten over it', but honestly i could really use it and ive got a whole lotta other crap I want to have someone to talk to about. I love my parents, but at the moment, im just avoiding them as much as i can and its making me miserable. I dunno what to do.

3 Replies 3

Dear LittleBeanLad,

We are pleased you found the strength to post in our wonderfully supportive forums. We're an accepting and helpful community where you can feel safe to discuss and explore your own feelings so you can start figuring out who you really are.

It is so unfortunate when parents believe that their children are reflections of themselves, rather than understanding that the children are themselves, with their own wants, needs, and desires. We would ask you to please try to believe us when we say that this belief is, unfortunately, rather common with some parents, so you are not alone with your frustration about your parents' attitudes.

Contrary to what your parents may believe, we understand that depression often isn't something that we can just fix, like you fix a car. Just like happiness, sadness, anger, nervousness, and all the other 'standard' emotions, depression comes and goes. If you browse through the depression section of our forum, you might note that many users talk about learning to live with their depression, so please try to accept that you are not broken, or 'damaged goods'.

As you say that your parents go through your messages, we would encourage you to call one of the support services whenever you feel the need to talk to someone, and you are in a safe space to do so. Phone services include:
Lifeline 13 11 14
beyondblue Support Service 1300 22 4636
Kids Helpline (for ages between 5 and 25) 1800 551 800

Again, welcome to the forums. please feel free to post whenever you wish, and are safe to.

Warm regards,

Sophie M.

Community Champion
Community Champion

Hey LittleBeanLad,


Thank you so much for posting here, and I'm so sorry to hear about your experience. Having been in the closet for years out of fear that my parents wouldn't accept me (I'd heard similar comments with a homophobic undertone being made in the past), I know somewhat how you're feeling. 


Do you have any way of meeting up with your friends away from your parents to discuss your feelings? You don't have to mention over messages why you'd like to meet up with them, you could just organise a catch-up to talk with them in a private space where you feel comfortable expressing your experiences.


You could try finding people with similar experiences on Reddit or Discord in a safe way. You may find comfort in sharing common experiences with others, or even reading about situations that resemble yours. Online friends can be great for providing reassurance, social connection and perhaps advice, as there's no real-life obligation beyond moral support.


All the best, and please feel free to chat with us some more if you need to. 



Earth Girl
Community Member

Hi LittleBeanLad,


I'm just wondering if you mean pansexual and not asexual because asexual is very different from being homosexual as it means that you aren't attracted to anyone sexually. Pansexual is similar to being bisexual because it means that you are attracted to people for who they are regardless of their gender. So if you are asexual, I think your parents may be okay with it and you may not really need to worry. If you are pansexual, they will likely be quite judgemental, unfortunately.


Since you aren't really sure what you are, I wouldn't recommend coming out just yet though. Sometimes when people are a bit confused and come out quickly and then change their mind, people don't believe them and still believe that they are what they originally came out as. A lot of people don't understand that just because someone is confused about their sexuality, it doesn't mean they are gay. Also, you might get bullied by your parents for something that isn't even true (or wrong either).


I have known people who thought they might be asexual or gay because they were going through a stage where they weren't feeling attracted to the opposite sex, but they realized a few years later that they were in fact straight.


I'm not sure if your parents should be looking through your phone either. They probably do it because they want to make sure everything is okay, but it sounds a bit invasive. 


It's possible for depression to come back. If you found the therapy sessions helpful, don't feel ashamed to ask your parents if you can have them again because we all need support. If you feel comfortable, you could even talk to the therapist about your confusion about your sexuality and also let them know that your parents might be mean to you about it if you came out to them. They might be able to give you good tips.