Caught some feels for a straight woman - help

[emotionsickness]

Soo I have met this incredible woman. We hit it off immediately when we met and I have developed some feelings for her. It has all come as a surprise to me, and has hit me like a ton of bricks. We usually see each other most days, we work out at the same gym. I already know that nothing will happen between us - she is married. I accept that and I respect that. I guess I am just wondering what I can do to get over having feelings for her? I guess that I will just being going to the gym when I know she won't be there which will help. And I guess it will take some time also. I want to get to a point where we can just vibe with each other without me lusting after her. I don't want to avoid her but I feel like it is the best thing at the moment. Am I being childish or ridiculous? I feel like I am being silly. But, after having some mental health issues, I feel like I need to look after my own interests at the moment. I feel so messed up.

[demonblaster]

Emotion Hi & welcome, you've come to an amazing non judgemental VERY well run site

First up no way you're "childish, ridiculous or silly" this is genuine feelings for someone so don't allow those intrusive down thoughts if you can.

I use a to be a nurse & lived in nurses homes & on occasion at jobs or nurses home there'd be someone I had stronger feelings for but thought I was straight so was a bit ...what's going on here, realised much later in life I'm Bi.

Not saying it's the case but there's always a possibility she feels something too but that at this stage probs won't help you cause time will tell.

There's a gay chook who over time we're becoming good friends who I too immediately same as you hit it off when we met so I'm in a very similar position so know how you're feeling. I'm not sure exactly how I feel yet (In love, partly, dunno but I met her in a very vulnerable time during early heavy grieving of partner, Male) but there's a VERY strong pull towards her & also she's in a relationship. I've talked to her about it & fortunately she's a really nice chooky & hasn't been harsh with rejection, wow many could learn by her way. But I'm just continuing with a growing good friendship. There has been the odd moment I've had reason to wonder without I think hoping.

So what I've done on occasion is what you're wisely thinking to do is get some distance which seems to help in time reduce the feelings & also gives you time to evaluate. Mind you then when I do see her the fire seems to spark again sigh

Posts can take time depending on volume so don't be discouraged & when I'm here I'll always come back if you've responded or others have.

I too have MI so it kinda adds to grief aye, good you're looking at looking after your mental health first too.

All best 🙂

[emotionsickness]

Thank you so much for your replying. It is so hard hey. There is a definite connection there. I don't know if it lust or love or what. I just don't want to be cold towards her if I see her, you know. It isn't her fault. It is no one's really. But, I feel like when I see her, her eyes light up when she sees me. I definitely would love her as a friend.. eventually. This is the worst feeling. the thought of not seeing her makes me sad but the thought of seeing her is just as bad. I haven't told her how I feel. I don't want to make it even more awkward than it already is.

[demonblaster]

Hey darl

Know exactly where you're coming from re talking to her, I usually am one for speaking up cause I believe as a whole communiation's so important but on saying that it's backfired majorly too when I spoke to one chooky but it was her reaction that was poor which of course can happen too and we ended up having a huge downer blue which was bloody ...yeah that went well lol

Hard to say re: her eyes lighting up, friendship? or? aye.

The tricky bit for you is if you do keep distance without talking to her she may be left thinking ahhhh what have I done wrong. Since yous get on so well do you think if you decide space will help maybe do talk to her over a coffee in privacy somewhere & emphasise you know it won't happen (which also if she does have any feelings opens up for her to say Yes or No but on the positive side if she's a no, it can give you a concrete foundation to know ok that's outta the question to concentrate fully on blooming friendship) which is kinda where I am, I get a bit arghhh cause feel I make more effort in being in touch with her but she definately cares and I'm a good friend of hers so that's good.

IF nothing else for her at least hopefully, most people take it as a bloody good compliment.

Another thought is maybe and this is sooo much easier than face on cause of distractions, where convo goes it's easy to forget stuff or lose the point etc to put your feelings in writing, then nothings missed.
You could also if things did go sour (won't necessarily she sounds good from how yous getting on) put your ph: no: so she may ring back down the track to rekindle friendship if yous haven't done numbers yet.

I know some of my times when I've gone in deeply for people, wish it wouldn't happen so bloody often, I've been vulnerable too which can screw around with emotions but the feelings are there either way aye

[emotionsickness]

Maybe I should have a chat so at least she isn't wondering if she has done something wrong. I am sure she would take it as a compliment.

[demonblaster]

Yeah I'm hoping same & as you've said yous hit it off so well so you'd be getting a clue as to what she's like.

I've got a lot on in the next few wks so if I'm not back here I will be at some stage,might be afk later, not sure tho

Luck, keep in touch, love to know how it goes.

If you like, entirely your call, feel free to talk about your other MH issues.
No judgement or hassling here, just great people hurting and trying to help and work the beast (Black dog) out

Cya

[cleews]

Hi emotion and welcome to the forums!

I found myself in a similar situation twice - I seem to have a penchant for falling for straight guys as my friends often tease me, I argue that my gaydar is broken and therefore need wingmen, that's when they back away and whistle into their drinks. Those emotions, the rush of happiness, that sudden baboom in your chest when you finally catch of her, that's all too real for me too. And like you, I know nothing will come from pursuing a romantic slant on that relationship; I was after all, having dinner with their girlfriends who are annoyed that us boys talk nothing but games and games and games. Like you, I got off very well with my crush then, almost too well and we are excited to catch up and just chat. Through our endless chats about everything and nothing, I had a sense that he and his GF were neutral about homosexuality, so one day, I got them both for dinner, sat down and came out to them. And confess I was crushing on him.

I don't suggest that you do exactly like I did; everyone's situation and circumstance is different and you are the best judge of what action you are most comfortable to take. I'm told I'm gutsy and very frank with things; everyone that I like romantically, I've told them in the face. Maybe that's why I'm still single. But oh well.

But I, like demonblaster, don't think avoidance is a solution. From my experience, talking and treating each other with respect and courtesy, is. My friend fully accepts me and while he was a bit awkward about me saying I have a crush on him, asked how he could help to be a good friend. I said "You just did. Be yourself."

Hang in there and I hope that things go well for you.

Cheers

Chris

[demonblaster]

Cleews Hey 🙂 Hey Emotion too 🙂

Yeah what is it about the bloody taken ones that appeal dagghhhh.

Good on you speaking up, awkward I understand, sounds like a good bloke saying what can I do to be a good friend, and liked your reply too. Gotta say that's a good way of going about it to, waiting till you knew they were neutral & the other thing that backs up being open although as mentioned I've had adverse reaction but we don't know unless they've said but there's so many different sexual ..? word, stuck....when couples or singles do not manogomy, like open relationships or threesomes etc, not sure what word/s sum that up atm but yeah so until we say then possibles may come outta woodwork.

Even later maybe

Anyway good to see ya again

Cyaz around the traps

[emotionsickness]

Hi Chris, thanks for replying. I absolutely love your approach to things - gutsy and frank. I am usually quite up front and I am an honest person. So maybe I should talk to her about it. In the grand scheme of things, it really isn't that bad right?????? I had a text from her this afternoon, she was just checking in on me. My heart melted. She is such a wonderful person. I will see how the next few days go. Watch this space 🙂

[demonblaster]

Good on ya thanks for keeping us tuned in. Want to know how it goes 🙂