Breakup and feeling isolated

[R.Penn]

Hi all, I am feeling a bit isolated and wanted to see if anyone could relate or have some ideas I hadn’t thought of yet in regards to my situation: I am 34 and unemployed waiting for NDIS to approve my application, I am ASD and ADHD. I also have PTSD. I also applied for creative writing at uni to keep busy and hear from them this week hopefully.

So…

I broke up with my bf of 2 years on the weekend, it wasn’t like a “new year new me thing” it’s just been on and off between us and he deserves less confusion and not to be put on hold. I am the problem as I have dated and had relationships with only women until I met him, we are both non binary and we share really good friendship. I do still feel like I am 95% gay for women and he makes the other 5% as I have never really found men attractive but shared more emotional connections as friends. He feels a lot stronger feelings for me but I have always felt pressured into a relationship with him from the start and I decided after living together and his family pushing my boundaries this Christmas, I am uncomfortable and think we are better as friends and support for one another. Our share house is not ideal either which has been effecting me, we live with an older man that won’t move out and he is inconsiderate and mean, mysgonist to every female that has lived here and passive aggressive. I see my psychologist in 3 weeks but I feel like not much has changed just the fact I communicated what I wanted. We would both like to move, but my support network is in Melbourne (only one good friend down there) but I can’t leave him here with the housemate we live with as he gets bullied by him. I feel attached still and do not really know where to go from here. I feel lost in my life still and unsure what to do with myself on a day to day basis being unemployed and spending too much time around the home will not be good for me while we live together I think. The housing situation in Queensland is so bad still and I do feel really stuck and trapped. I do hope 2024 proves to be easier for everyone and we can make some lgbt family friends and connection somehow

[smallwolf]

hello and welcome.

I can imagine how challenging and overwhelming things must be for you right now. It takes a lot of strength to open up about your feelings and current situation. It sounds complex with your employment situation, your living arrangements and relationships.

It's good that you're actively pursuing creative writing at uni as a positive outlet, and I hope you receive positive news from them this week!

Breaking up with someone, especially after a significant period, is never easy, and it's clear that you're navigating this with a great deal of introspection and consideration for both yourself and your ex-partner. And sometimes there is that head vs heart argument. 

The living situation sounds hard. A challenging housemate that bullies adds an extra layer of stress, and I'm sorry to hear about the difficulties you're facing in your housing situation.

I truly hope things improve for you. Wishing you strength, resilience, and positive changes.

Listening ... 

[YourImaginaryFriend]

Hey R.Penn, I’m new here and just wanted to reach out and tell you I really identified with your post. 31, female with similar diagnoses. No friends is a really isolated feeling. I took myself off social media 7 years ago because of all the toxic rubbish, and I think it’s heavily affected my ability to relate to people and make friends IRL. I just feel like people aren’t the same. Or maybe I’m not the same. 

I’m sorry to hear about your horrible housemate. We’ve all had one of those right? Hope you can get him out or get out soon. Home is where I feel most comfortable and nobody can function when there is that kind of energy around. 
I feel like there’s more to say but I’m too exhausted today from being paralysed on the couch with my depression. 😅 

I just wanted to reach out and hope you’ve had a better day. 👋

[R.Penn]

Thank you for replying to my post smallwolf, Things are much the same, but I am doing much better than I was 2 years back so I am pushing forward every day. I am struggling with money again and finding suitable employment ontop of the other stuff I mentioned. The housemate is a real problem, I have opened communication with him but he refuses to change or to show up as a mature older person he should be. He expects to be head tenant and hardly acts like it, he has only just started contributing to dish liquid it’s the bare minimum. He has also stopped working as is home a lot now and waiting to commence his phd studies in philosophy. I have been struggling handling my ex’s episodes of anger when the housemate is gas lighting him and not cleaning up or using his belongings. It’s been stressful. I would like to move out but I can’t see myself leaving my ex in this situation as it’s made him negative as well. I hope things improve this year and I did hear back from my study! I got in and going to give 1-2 subjects a go and see if I like it. 🙂 how are you?

[R.Penn]

Hey there, welcome to the forums… thank you for responding to my post and reaching out. It’s nice knowing someone out there is in a similar boat but also much empathy for you too. Depression is really tough, I think we have to be gentle but I really can’t talk. I can have some really self hatred days too. I hope you got through your day yesterday ok? I agree I have had my fair share of bad housemates, I would love to live on my own again but can’t afford to in the housing crisis. I also haven’t been able to sustain long term employment and now it’s good to understand a little bit more about Autism and ADHD. I think we can find community now 🙂 are you living alone or with people? I hope someone can make you some food today and give you a hug… here if you feel like chatting more. 

[smallwolf]

To answer your question ... I'm "OK". Last week, my Dad died and the funeral is this week. Taking it day by day.

I'm glad to hear you are doing better than you were two years ago. Pushing forward each day, even when things are tough, takes a lot of inner strength. It also difficult and stressful when you are struggling with money and finding suitable employment on top of everything else. 

It would also be hard living with a housemate that is being difficult. That type of environment (as you described) would negatively impact anyone.

I understand not wanting to leave.. Remember to take care of yourself as well. Consider setting some boundaries with the housemate if you aren't ready to move out.

Having that academic goal to work towards could be a positive for you, so looking into 1 subject or 2 subjects sounds like an option. Sending positive thoughts and listening to you.

[R.Penn]

Oh I am so sorry for your loss of your dad, that’s such a hard time for you. Sending you and your family my condolences. I hope you have people around you for some support too? If you need to chat I am listening too, if you want to talk about him or something else. 

[smallwolf]

@R.Penn - thanks for your kind words regarding the death of my dad. It's more of a relief now - he had both Parkinson's and Alzheimer's and went downhill in the last few years  and it went faster (downhill) in the last months and painful for everyone. Otherwise he (Dad) was never one to speak or say much even at the best of times. I think of him daily, but also recognise he is not in pain anymore ... physical or emotional. 

[R.Penn]

I haven’t known anyone with Parkinson’s but it sounds like a very challenging time for you and your family. The pain is real. My nan had dementia and my grandad died from a brain tumour operation. I am here if you need to express your grief. It is good he isn’t in pain or suffering anymore. I think it is describe as a nuanced feeling when caring for your parents finishes and you also feel a sense of freedom and relief. My Dad and Mum experienced this also. I am guessing I will go through it at some stage too in life. I find death very challenging to talk about. Do you have a belief system or religion?