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MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 219

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

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Ghost_Girl Struggling with my sexuality and crushing on a married woman
  • replies: 14

Hey there BB forum users, I'm having a hard time and I know I really need to talk to someone. I would usually talk to my counsellor or my friends (most of whom are LGBT) about my struggles but these feelings are so unusual for me and so difficult to ... View more

Hey there BB forum users, I'm having a hard time and I know I really need to talk to someone. I would usually talk to my counsellor or my friends (most of whom are LGBT) about my struggles but these feelings are so unusual for me and so difficult to explain that I felt like this forum might be the best place to start opening up about this. So to begin, I'm almost 21 years old, I work as a trainee aged carer and I've known I'm somewhere in the "bi sphere" since I was about 12 years old. The "struggling with sexuality" part of the title is because I've gone through some periods of confusion because I'm not "half straight/half gay" nowhere close. I'd say my ratio is about 80-85% in favour of men with 15-20% of my attractions being women and to add to that, these attractions are pretty much never sexual attractions, rather they're sensual/romantic ones. Last year, I finally decided to just go with what felt right and call myself "bisensual" because I can be sensually attracted to anyone despite preferring men so why not? Now comes the kicker: About a month ago, I realized the intense desire I have to be close to one of my coworkers (we'll call her "Mari"), isn't just because I admire her... I have a colossal crush on her even though she's about 20 years older than me and married with kids. Initially I was disappointed that I had built such a good age gap friendship with Mari (as well as many other older workmates) and then I had to go and ruin it by catching feelings but then I justified the feelings, "This feels good and if I keep it to myself and don't act on it, I'm not hurting anyone right?" but as I got increasingly worried that I'm not feeling guilty enough for being attracted to someone who has a husband and kids, I decided to start trying to get over her by force: "You should be ashamed of yourself, you freak." But I can't stop thinking about her, I've never felt this way for a woman before and only for very few men. She called me pretty with my new haircut the other day and I got butterflies and I sometimes even imagine myself kissing her. So fast forward to now, my social anxiety is the worst it's been in a long time and I think it's to do with Mari and my fear of the people I work with finding out about my sexuality and my inappropriate attraction to her. I've considered online dating since I've been feeling ready to put myself out there and I definitely need the distraction but I'm worried, I'll still want what I can't have. Sorry for the novel.

JohnCroissant Strange situation with parents about my sexuality
  • replies: 5

Sexuality has always been a sorta sensitive topic for my father. But recently things were doing just fine, but then on Monday night my dad learnt that I’m still in a homosexual relationship and hadn’t broken it like he assumed I did. My parents uses ... View more

Sexuality has always been a sorta sensitive topic for my father. But recently things were doing just fine, but then on Monday night my dad learnt that I’m still in a homosexual relationship and hadn’t broken it like he assumed I did. My parents uses really strange arguments against my sexuality, and even avoid naming it a sexuality. Instead labelling it as “mentality”, “thought”, “nonsense”, “label”, etc. basically saying that it’s purely psychological. I’m not entirely sure, but my parents say that homosexuality is only justifiable if it was due to a physiological abnormality, like hormonal imbalances? Sounds like pseudoscience, but they insist that I can’t be gay because I am ‘biologically normal’. Me and my family are of a Persian background so my father also does concern of being humiliated as the father of a gay son, which is shunned upon in a family like this. My father has gone completely silent with me and it frightens me. Some of the last words he stated were “you need to stop this nonsense, it’s sad to see what is happening to you. I won’t let you ruin your life, I won’t allow it”. Now I’m just sort of waiting to see what’s gonna happen, and it’s nervewracking, I love my boyfriend and I’m worried about losing him as well. My stepmother today clarified to me that what herself and my dad want is: How strongly I believe I am homosexual Where the “idea” came from that I am Evidence that I am homosexual I really don’t know what to do, my dad is silent and this is pretty much a scenario where I’m being judged by two people and I’m my own attorney, it’s just scary I guess?

Mattstar Open relationships
  • replies: 14

Hi all, I'm reaching out because I realise I need some help and figure there may be others here who have similar experiences. I'm 44 and have recently come out of a long term gay relationship. We broke up late last year because he wants an open relat... View more

Hi all, I'm reaching out because I realise I need some help and figure there may be others here who have similar experiences. I'm 44 and have recently come out of a long term gay relationship. We broke up late last year because he wants an open relationship and I don't. We would have been together for 18 years in April just gone. He has moved to the US (work) and from all accounts is living life to the fullest. I am back here still in our life and feel completely abandoned, worthless and a shadow of myself. Most of my gay friends find the situation too difficult to deal with so haven't been very supportive. My family are angry with him and worried about me. The last few years weren't smooth but every time i tried to raise things he reassured me everything was fine. Looking back it wasn't and i should have trusted my gut. I'm wondering if there are any support groups or if there are any others who have been through something like this? I'm feeling really isolated and I can feel my mental health slipping. It was 18 years, he was my life and he's gone. No check in's, no texts, just gone. All because I won't do an open relationship. I'd really like to talk this through and maybe with strangers it will be easier. I'm on a waiting list to see a professional but that may take some time. Thanks. Matt

lp1225 Confused and Need Help
  • replies: 9

This is really hard to post as if’s only ever been in my head , so write it all out is a bit daunting . I spose I’m posting to get some advice and clarity if possible . Apologies if it’s jumbled , but here goes. I’m 27, currently in a 2.5 year relati... View more

This is really hard to post as if’s only ever been in my head , so write it all out is a bit daunting . I spose I’m posting to get some advice and clarity if possible . Apologies if it’s jumbled , but here goes. I’m 27, currently in a 2.5 year relationship with my girlfriend (no kids , live together) and I am battling with my sexuality every second of every day. I feel like nothing is real, I feel desensitised to everything, I feel like I’m holding something in always, I’ve seen psychs over the years for depression etc. I think deep down I know that I’m gay or least bi. But I hope I’m not. I don’t want to be But the idea of just being gay feels like it would solve this guilt, shame , lack of feeling, lack of happiness or drive etc went to an all boys school, and ever since I was 17/18 I’ve been obsessed with oral sex. It’s all I could think about at that age. I would always dream about what it would be like to receive oral sex from a girl, and like most guys that age it happened and has happened plenty of times since then. I’ve only ever watched oral porn. Sure, I have normal sex etc. But it doesn’t really phase me. I only care about oral sex. In the last 5 years I have started watching gay porn too and enjoying it - but again, only oral sex . Gay Intercourse doesn’t really interest me . I’ve become more and more attracted to men over the last few years but still only oral sex. But now, I’ve become obsessed with the idea of me giving the oral sex. To the point where earlier this year , I selfishly created a Grindr account , met up with a guy my age and gave head . I really enjoyed it (it was very scary and weird at first), but I loved it I still see some girls as attractive and for whatever reason still watch heaps of girl/guy oral porn and the very rare inter course video . I don’t know what to do. I love my girlfriend so much. The thought of not being with her , not having a normal life with her (kids , buy a house etc) destroys my insides and the thought of being gay and being with a boy feels so weird and embarrassing, but for some reason liberating . I don’t want to go through That. What if I break up with her and then realise I’m not gay or it was just a phase and then I’ve lost her? What if I just put up with this mental pain that comes and goes every couple of days so I can live a quiet normal life . When I watch porn, the idea of a girl climaxing doesn’t interest me nor turn me off. A guy climaxing can be attractive i can’t do this

Space_girl Questioning if I’m lesbian (*´꒳`*)
  • replies: 2

Hi ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡ I’m in the middle of questioning my sexuality and I just feel really alone right now. I feel like I have to like men and I’m really scared about being wrong about my sexuality. I’ve had this crush on my non-binary friend for ages and I ... View more

Hi ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡ I’m in the middle of questioning my sexuality and I just feel really alone right now. I feel like I have to like men and I’m really scared about being wrong about my sexuality. I’ve had this crush on my non-binary friend for ages and I just can’t (>_<)… I’ve tried so hard to get over them but I just like them so much! My parents wouldn’t mind but my dad doesn’t understand certain things in the lgbtq community and it’s really frustrating. Every time I mention to my mum that I might not like boys she shuts me down and tells me that I don’t know yet. Which is true but I don’t find men attractive. It’s just so hard! I know I’m really lucky to have parents and friends that would support me but I’m just really conflicted and confused. I feel like I shouldn’t like girls even though I am a huge supporter of the lgbtq community. anyway thank you for paying attention to my rant (о´∀`о) I hope you have a nice day/night

Hjker I think I'm a lesbian but am in a relationship with a male
  • replies: 2

So my partner and I have been together for almost 5 years. I identify as bi but have not been with a female since I was a bit younger, before my partner. Over the past year I have become very disinterested in sex and even the thought of other males d... View more

So my partner and I have been together for almost 5 years. I identify as bi but have not been with a female since I was a bit younger, before my partner. Over the past year I have become very disinterested in sex and even the thought of other males doesn't appeal to me but women do. I would love to experiment more but I am not going to cheat, i do not want to hurt him. I love him and we have an emotional connection and get on really well but I am just very unhappy recently. i started taking anti depressants which worked after trial and error but I am back to this feeling that something in my life isn't right, which is my sex life. I would love to give my partner what he needs but I can't. He doesn't know and I don't know how to tell him the feelings I'm having. I think I need to leave the relationship because I can tell deep down he's not happy too. I also feel I need time to explore this part of me and figure out who I really am. I am looking for advice on how to approach the conversation with my partner when I tell him and end the relationship, and also any other advice on my situation. thank you in advance

Lucette I think I’m bi
  • replies: 5

I think I’m bi. But I’m scared I’m wrong. I’ve never dated anyone so how would I even know. But I see girls and I want to kiss them. Bit like what if I am wrong. Then I would have to go to anybody who knows and tell them that I was wrong my old town ... View more

I think I’m bi. But I’m scared I’m wrong. I’ve never dated anyone so how would I even know. But I see girls and I want to kiss them. Bit like what if I am wrong. Then I would have to go to anybody who knows and tell them that I was wrong my old town was way more accepting and I had a heap of lqbtqia+ friends I could talk to. Bit I haven’t spoken to them in ages. My new town is homophobic racist and sexist. I don’t have any friends here and I’m tired of waking up every morning one Of my friends came out as bi and a lot of people give her a heap of hate and at this school you get beaten up so I just want to know how to be sure

nickaway nickaways confusion
  • replies: 1

Not sure where to start was with my wife for 45years been on my own for 2 years now and have found my feelings are to other men did experiment when younger I am having a lot of anxiety over this and feel that if I could a man with some same interest ... View more

Not sure where to start was with my wife for 45years been on my own for 2 years now and have found my feelings are to other men did experiment when younger I am having a lot of anxiety over this and feel that if I could a man with some same interest and hobbies I could be happy again. Have been very depressed after having to put wife in nursing home but can not look at or am interested in another women. My feelings are to be homosexual it is on my mind all day every day. Advise please should I follow through with my thoughts and feelings and venture back out into the world or just stay at home and try to deal with. Any help please have been closed up in house for 2 years and my mind is all over the place.

Namenotfound Name and Pronouns
  • replies: 2

I'm a closeted agender. To my family, I'm out as nonbinary with she/they pronouns, but I've never heard them use they. I get that she is part of my pronouns, but so is they. It's there to be used. Use it. Which is why I'm afraid to tell them that I w... View more

I'm a closeted agender. To my family, I'm out as nonbinary with she/they pronouns, but I've never heard them use they. I get that she is part of my pronouns, but so is they. It's there to be used. Use it. Which is why I'm afraid to tell them that I want to use she/they/he pronouns, let alone that I want to change my name as well. I tried telling one of my friends that I want to change my name, and they said that he loves my name but whatever I feel best in is better, which is okay but not exactly what I wanted to hear, you know? I'm running out of people to turn to and I'm feeling less like myself everyday. I want to start wearing a binder but my mum said that we would talk about that later and never got back to me. I don't know if she forgot or if she's avoiding it, and I don't know which possibility is worse. I don't really know what the point of this thread is. I just needed to get this out somewhere safe and supportive. If you've read this, honestly, thank you.

kindacool coming out problem?
  • replies: 1

hi uh I'm having trouble coming out to my mum.. my parents are divorced and I've come out to both my parents as trans ftm. my dad is so supportive I am so grateful for that. he's using my name, pronouns, he got me in to see a gender therapist and he'... View more

hi uh I'm having trouble coming out to my mum.. my parents are divorced and I've come out to both my parents as trans ftm. my dad is so supportive I am so grateful for that. he's using my name, pronouns, he got me in to see a gender therapist and he's even gotten me to move schools for a fresh start however my mum has been denying and ignoring it ever since I came out to her in December..my gender therapist has talked to her about using my name and pronouns but she doesn't really care..she keeps on messing up (which is obviously fine) but she makes me feel guilty for her messing up. I've given up on correcting her and now she just acts like i never even came out. Oh and one time she said that I wasn't transgender because I didn't show any signs as a kid and I was always feminine...which is not true?? I've never been very feminine, I've always been more on the masculine side..I'm also really into sport but I'm currently playing on a girls basketball team..I really want to play boys basketball and soccer which my dad encourages but since I'm at my mum's place most of the time and she pays for it, I don't know how to approach this... I'm also making schools with my new name and pronouns which I haven't told her yet. i feel like im lying to her or something. I really want to move to my dad's but mum loves to play victim so I don't know how that would go either..