I was just wondering if anyone here identifies as asexual? I've been writing a book with an asexual protaganist and I've slowly come to realise that his story is my story. All my life I've thought I was gay and for all intents and purposes I am but I've slowly come to realise that the relationships I want with men aren't necessarily centred around sex. In the past I've justified my feelings about sex as being a bi product of my illness (Borderline, Depression, anxiety-fun times) and my problems with intimacy but I've realised that sex isn't a very high priority for me. I've been doing a lot of reading and I think I might be gray-asexual or demi sexual. The other night I actually got really upset because this revalation has actually caused me to reevaluate everything I thought I knew about myself; I've had to fight so hard to be gay and I don't think I can come out again, I don't think people will take me seriously and most of all I don't know how I can pursue a meaningful relationship. Nobody ever talks about asexuality or people with a low, non existent sex drive and we are just surrounded by sex and I've over compensated by talking about it a lot and having many sexual partners but I've just felt nothing, it's always been an ego trip or power thing never about the sex itself. The other night I realised that what I want is companionship and I got really sad because I realised that I have friends who I want more from without really wanting to go to bed with them, I'm ok if they want to seek sexual satisfaction elsewhere but I'd want them to come home to me. It breaks my heart because I never feel like I'll ever get that.
Sorry this has been so incoherent, it's much easier to write about it from a fictional standpoint.
