Wife had affair for 2.5 months, while we were trying for babies. Help!

[JT85]

Hey everyone,

My wife and I have been married for a year, and I just found out she had an affair with a druggie. whilst this was happening we were trying for kids. She made me go get baby furniture whilst this was all happening.
I work in mining on a 7/7 roster, during this time we had never been happier. I knew something was happening but she said I had developed anxiety and got me medicated.
Now I don’t know what to do, As she’s my wife I feel like i owe it to her to try but I keep finding out stuff and it makes me feel worthless.

Please give me some advice.

[smallwolf]

hi and welcome to the forums.

I am sorry to hear your wife has been having an affair. I don't think I can give you any advice per se, and not because I have not been in that position but whatever I say could be the wrong thing for you. And it sound like (you thought) things were working out well between both of you and love(d) each other very much?

unfortunately, if you do a google search for

beyond blue partner affair

you will find other similar stories to yours and that you are not alone. 😞 You might find some ideas from others stories. I would think that if you are "finding out stuff" as well, this sounds like red flag. The effect this is having on you well .... sounds like you might want to be able to talk to someone about the your thought and feelings and work out a way forward, whatever that looks like.

You also sounds very forgiving in your post.

What do you feel you owe to her?

And this is not something you have to reply to here, but when you found out, and I assuming you confronted your wife about this, were you able to the find out the reason "why" and work on that? Or have you literally found out now and taking it all in right now?

[geoff]

Hello JT, I'm sorry this puts you in a difficult and very unfortunate position, because having an affair may not have been what she wanted, but only to help the person abstain, that is something you're not sure of, or that she wanted to use drugs to supposedly brighten up her days, again unclear, or perhaps met this person by mistake, then decided to have a coffee and then realised they were using drugs, once again not known but as you've only been married for a year, I think the truth will come out.

Many different opinions will be generated but this is going to cause painful emotions for you, which you will need answers to why it happened, was it an attraction because they got on or was it because drugs were involved.

The trust has been broken and can it be repaired to have some children, depends on your decision to whether you can believe her or not.

Please reply back if you want to.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[shadow49]

Sorry to read this, good to hear you are a solid worker.
My advice would be to have a good chat , give her a second chance(not a second), we all mess up in our lives.

[shadow49]

Opps...ment first then second ...sorry

[quirkywords]

JT85

I too welcome you to the forum and well done for starting your thread. Tim , Geoff and have given you support.

You know your wife the best and what you can do.

[Guest_3256]

Hi JT85.

Thank you for reaching out.

It does sound like your wife has been manipulating you; "she said I had developed anxiety and got me medicated."

I'd be communicating to her how you feel and what your boundaries are and that she must follow them, or you will terminate the relationship - she will do this if she loves herself - you'll know that I mean.

When someone sleeps with someone else that their are not entitled too, it means that they do not value and cannot commit to them self - they are trying to fill a gap in their life that they can only do. Infidelity is a clear sign of a mental health issue as it's not healthy in any way. It may be that your Wife doesn't actually communicate properly and then uses the act of sex to make her self fell better about her personal difficulty.

At the same time, no one deserves such appalling behaviour. Please put yourself first and seek support that you need to help you make a better choice. Take the advise but make your own decisions and as it may hurt a lot, don't feel pressured or trapped by your Wife if you decide to terminate your relationship.

Look after yourself.