Why is No such an hard word to say

[Matchy69]

I have all my life struggled to say the word no to people and if i do i feel so bad and hate my self for saying no.

I find it so hard to say no to my ex like her asking me to have the kids when she is supose to have them and just say yes even though i had plans or an appointment and just change them or cancel them.

It is really hard to say no to the kids i give them everything they ask for.I feel like a bad parent at times but feel worst if I do say no as my son starts crying and it breaks my heart and makes me feel so bad.

Why is this one little word so hard to say?

[Matchy69]

Thanks Juliet for your reply.Its nice having someone to talk to about it.It probably looks like a silly problem to have.

[Juliet_84]

Hi matchy,

Not at all, it can be an incredibly difficult thing for a lot of people to establish healthy boundaries. And others just go their entire lives doing things for other people and before they know it they’ve never done anything for themselves. There is nothing wrong with doing things for other people, but it should be because you want to not because you are made to do them. Good luck xx

[Matchy69]

Hi Juliet,i love helping people and allways have and dont mind that.My biggest problem is my ex wife who dosnt seem to give me any notice for things.I say yes and have to cancel appointments or not do what i planned to do.It just makes my life easier to say yes as she can make my life miserable and hard to say no when its for the kids.

[Juliet_84]

Is it possible to say to her, “I don’t mind helping you out but this last minute thing is really messing with my appointments etc. can we make a rule that I have at least 48 hours notice if I’m going to take them?” I don’t think that’s too much to ask. I understand that last minute things come up but that should be the exception not to rule.

[Matchy69]

I have been giving her dates for my appointments so she can put them down on her calender but then she ask a million questions that i rather not tell her and not telling her sounds easier then it is and my ex has bipolar and anxiety and things.

[Deckt]

Grey rock is a strategy for dealing with narcissists, but it may work with dealing with your ex? It sounds like she likes drama, and might be a bit manipulative? It just involves giving her as little information and as dispassionately as possible.

"I have plans that day".

Her - "What plans?"

"Just plans"

Her - "Is everything all right?"

"Fine, thanks".

And so on. If you google grey rock narcissist, it might give you some ideas.

[Matchy69]

Thanks Dekt for the advice i will google it.

[Matchy69]

I said no to someone because i had plans and now feel bad and dont want to do what i planned.

[Matchy69]

Maby it is better to say yes as it is better for me in the long run?

[Deckt]

Hey mate,

Sorry that I haven't responded in a while. Been a bit caught up in my own dramas.

What's the situation? Sometimes yes is just fine.