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why does emotional pain feel so physically painful?

Community Member

I'm 22 and 7 months ago my best friend of 9 years walked away from our friendship because her criminal drug-dealing boyfriend kept hitting on me in front of her. not once did i ever respond to his advances, in fact every time i rejected him and always tried to talk to her about how uncomfortable it made me, but in the end she chose him over me. 
i know im young and i have my whole life ahead of me, but to be honest, i was in love with her and to me it does seem like my life has changed. im in a relationship with the most wonderful guy, have been for over 3 years (yes even though i felt something for her instead), but im scared im only with him because i know that without him i dont have anyone else. thats not a good enough reason to stay is it? he's my best friend, my rock. he wouldn't stay friends with me if i broke his heart, i know this because ive tried to end it before.

almost all of my friends have slipped away, they chose her side instead of mine, and its because she became so dependant on him and his drugs that it was out of worry for her life and safety. can i really be mad at them for caring about her survival? it hurts that they dont make time for me no matter how hard i try to organise a time to catchup. 

ive always been okay being left on my own, i could always entertain myself. but these days it just gets harder. i always look forward to night time cause my dreams are so much better than my life and i always have this weird hope that the next day will be better. 

i love my family and i have a great life, i really do, i've been so lucky and i've never taken anything for granted..but sometimes i cant help but feel so alone and my heart physically aches, sometimes so much that i end up crying for hours. i feel guilty for feeling like this when i know some people have real reasons to not be happy. 

2 Replies 2

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

dear Volvodriver, thanks for deciding to post on the site.

From what I can gather from your comment is that you are in love with her in a girl girl relationship, I hope that I have got this right, but she is sticking with her boyfriend because he's into drug dealing, and please correct me if I'm wrong.

Is she only doing this because she is using the drugs that he supplies and that's why she is staying with him, perhaps she is not in love with him but she could be in love with you, and that's really possible.

So the situation is that it could be that the both of you are dating your boyfriends only out of 'that's what should be happening'.

I hope that this is correct, so let's assume that it is, well you could show her that you love her, but if she is taking any drugs which could be pot, it might be a good idea to stop her from smoking it, and sorry I'm not being a fatherly figure here, it's just that my sons used to smoke it, but don't now, but it caused problems for them.

I maybe well off target here, but hope that you can get back to us. L Geoff. x

Thanks for replying and for understanding. 

you got it correct, except it wasn't pot she was in to, it was cocaine and ice, among other things. I dunno I tried for almost 2 years to get her away from him and to stop it but none of it worked. it wasn't my choice to end our friendship but looking back now, knowing I want to go into law enforcement in the future, it was the best choice. 

I miss her and our old friendship, how it was before she met this douche, and I miss my friends that chose to stay in her life. but I know I honestly wouldn't be able to welcome her back into my life even if she wanted too. 

I just hate being lonely. but that's life I guess.