What does this mean , wth is wrong with me, is anyone else like this ? l need so much space.

[Guest_1584]

Hi bb .

Really hoping for some insight and feedback here because l can't afford to see someone.

My partner is down again from her city , been down a few wks now and can stay indefinitely right now as she's had legal business up home but it looks like that could be done for at least this yr now.

We've always lived really well together she's easy to be around , does nothing to make me the way l am no one ever has really although my ex w def' use to get a bit much which also made me head for solitude but at least there was a reason . Thing is , with my partner bow , friends or people around , even my daughter , l just become in desperate need alone time after awhile. lt doresn't matter who it is or how much l enjoy them around , l can only take so much of it but then l just have to get away for some time to myself.

My partner doesn't understand how l'm like this or why and she does nothing to bring it on , being around anyone after a certain amount of time just does and if l don go off and hide out alone for awhile l just gt exhausted and in filthy moods.. l'm talking daily. Even her or say my daughter who is the easiest person you'd get to be around , and she likes her space too , yet even with her.

l mean l'm a fun person and do love some fun and social time , but then ok , l've had enough now l have to go. With my partner if we're both around all day night which l work at home and she only works pt so that's quite often. l'll need a few hours to myself before she gets up , then a few more later in the afternoon and even after that l like if l can get it an hour or so before l go to bed , just alone time. Because although we do sleep beautifully together , l just don't feel like being ion bed bside someone all night without another bit of a break first.

l'm bloody weird , l've always been like this but it is a bit worse now as l'm older and since divorce l've either lived alone or spent a lot of time alone, Wth can't l cope and just enjoy relationships and being with special people like everyone else. My gf can be around me 24 7 , so could my ex w , so can my daughter , wth is wrong with me,

Any feed back appreciated . rx

[Guest_1584]

Ahhh insomnia yessaa , my old friend , the word l like to forget when talking about sleep. Routine my friends is what fixed it, and routine is the key to the routine. ln my latest l've gone from 1, 2 , 3 hrs a night and seeing sun again before l did sleep if l did, for 9 -10 yrs , to bloody yawning at 11pm like a big baby, l'm a disgrace these days , and l miss the night . lt's taken nearly 12mths of training myself buttttt it's worked. l so miss the night and dawns though, and the day is so short now when you sleep. But my daughter was worried and l'd been thinking about it all too the last few yrs. Soooo, l started going to bed 1 , 12 max, no buts, staying put , eyes closed, just do it, relax. First few mths l was awake all night but bit by bit l got a few hrs , 6 mths slept all night sometimes and now at 12 mths unless somethings on my mind l sleep 6 ,7, 8 hrs night mostly first time in 9-10yrs. But if l stay up past 2 or 3 now though l slip back again so l only do that once or twice a wk now.

The thoughts about thoughts , yeah and more thoughts about those too. l have an extremely vivid active and creative mind , dad had it my daughter does too. Well , l was an artist for 13yrs , painter . One of my own quotes on my website was, an artitsts head is a dangerous place - and it is too believe me something had to be done ex was going insane , my daughter, friends, me, it was ruining our life.

lf your a very very creative artist, you could live 300yrs and still not paint your head so you have to learn to shut it off or everyone goes mad, draw a line. Took me 5 yrs to train myself but eventually when l left the studio its goodnight. Time for life, fun, family. And l use the same for thoughts of thoughts of thoughts.

You've gotta get tough on yourself and it takes time , you might decide to hell with it. Sometimes l still can't shut off or l slip back into awake all night, buttttt . rx

[Guest_1584]

Heya sleepy.

Well the problem now is l'm up on the coast and since Melbourne opened up there's a stream of caravans a packed rooftops arriving up here again now all day long. l'm really wishing they'd just stay home a few more wks yet , just see if this damn thing is fixed first.

l'm glad at least a few can relate in ways anyway , l dunno . ps , one of my sisters rents out bnb too, she's in Melbourne. Worked out pretty good for her she liked it.

Hey em , no worries. Yeah ex and l were usually 2-3wks , few longer ones but mostly. We wondered too bc if we were high as kites on each other in person and then gone again then maybe that's why we didn't implode in person, and my aloneness wasn't as bad either. gf now though can be up to 2 or 3 mths so you know , things get a little more normal in that time.

Here's something pretty fkd up but eh , it's no worse than things we talk about on lauz thread buttt. And l'll be first to admit l've been through some pretty mixed up times women wise this last yr or two. But gf and l split for awhile back, mainly bc of our situation but l just couldn't go for living full time so soon. Well ex and l were talking again for awhile and even about her coming over, this was only a mth or two before Covid. She might've been stuck here 7 or 9mths, now that certainly would've been the test that's for sure.

ps , my beds huge , but l'm 6ft and l like a lot of bed. one thing about gf though she's the first woman l've ever been able to just sleep like baby with, well now that l sleep. She's pretty small and petite but also incredibly nimble , she's like a bloody cat , just molds around or into where ever we are in bed, not even a ruffle . But we talked about a spare room too, not as an every night thing just so that l can get some space when l need it.

rx

[ecomama]

HI rx

Yes a pretty firm but forgiving discipline around sleep is what I've needed to do.

Having many babies, sometimes at the same time, this 'need for far less sleep' came in REAL handy!
And throughout the Courts thing for years too. Meant I could study my eyeballs out and beat the demon shut down.
Also through my 3 degrees lol.

So it was a positive rather than negative many times. (My family tells crazy stories of me not needing sleep since birth, eldest D is JUST like this too... plus an Uncle... it's a family thing...).

I am "more disciplined" now lol. MUCH MORE.
Trying to learn how to 'come down' / relax.

Rx I'm trying to read between the lines but I get off track when I do this at times lol.
Plus I think most of us on BB have had our share of "crazy partners"! We get it!

So you and gf had a long break?
And you dated during the break?
Met some crazies maybe?

IDK, I can't read between the lines very clearly lol..

Btw you describe the sleeping arrangements, height differences lol, exactly like BF and I.
He describes me as "petite" LOL! And as nimble as a cat too.
He's also over 6ft.

In 'our apartment in Seattle he has a Queen sized. It's perfect.
I have a King sized bed here and he's stayed in motels when visiting Aust so far, so hasn't slept at my house.
He thinks it's going to be too big!
lol no... it's perfect.

But he DOESN'T SNORE omg!
My last 2 exHs snored like a freight train.

EMxxxx

[Guest_1584]

Snoring , oh god , another work in progress . Think l've asked too much of myself this yr. But as far as we can tell l'm doing pretty good with that too now , either that or gf is finally just sleeping through it , we 're not sure .

Well , sort of , but no crazies. Ex and l broke up , she wasn't crazy though , but maybe some problems , or was it just us l don't know. 8mths or so later though l met gf now. Nope wasn't dating l don't date l'm very fussy but l just happened to meet her. lt was a bit soon though hence my bs but she's been very patient and understanding.

Sounds like your doing nice too with getting on top of things things anyway em , great stuff. lt's weird for me really , sleeping after all thius time but the stupid thing is now that l sleep l'm always bloody tired. l was never tired before.

rx

[Guest_1584]

Does anyone have a reliable way of clearing bad thoughts before you sleep ?

Of course l do things to district before lights go out , but it makes no difference to when it's actually time to sleep , my mind just picks them up again no matter how often l change the subject and l don't wanna fall asleep like that.

ls there a trick , or food , or something ?

[Guest_1643]

hi rx i think i know what you mean about clearing the mind before bed

if i'm online and stressed late at night i tend to google more and more traumatic things - like catastrophising things... so i have to some times take a break from that and do breathing.

Meditation and hypnosis have worked for me before but not perfectly. I did used to listen to this hypnosis sleep tame that had me walking in my mind through some rivers and into a little hut ... something soothing there but yes, a bit odd haha

[Guest_1643]

i also drink chai before bed - it has a sothing chemical in it and also a small amount of caffeine - depending on ur body some people either react to the caffeine or the relaxing properties - for some keeps awake but fr me I honestly feel it sooths me and helps me relax. I brew prana chai leaves.
I have the same problem with the racing thoughts - some nights it feels like nothing will help and my only goal is to distract and stay calm so it doesn't get too out of hand.

[Guest_1584]

Hey sleepy.

Thanks for the tips. Hell yeah the internet phones and things are terrible. Part of my sleep routine is to turn the crap off 30mins or so before and wonder round the house do a few things, clear the mind slow it down again . Make a huge difference in actually getting to sleep.

The thoughts though , hasn't helped. Think l'd be too mentally tired to meditate or something. Gf uses different yt and psychology stuff. I'll def give the tea a go we might even have some but l know what you mean with tea caffeine . l can take a coffee to bed sleep like a log but normal tea even a few hrs before my mind races all night, Don't know about chai though so l'm onto it.

[Guest_1584]

l've had revelations just this last few days with all this space thing and living alone again now. l can't do much about the space thing if l live with someone , l still need it still have to have it,

But l do prefer being with someone than to living alone and l do love and prefer mostly too, partnered life. Soooo, l think that best l can do is as l've always done only keep trying to do a bit better job at it , and to work it into a relationship . That's always been a lot easier said than done bc over time even when the other one knows all about your space thing , they begin to feel more alone than together and stuff starts coming back at you like , you don't wanna be around me , you don't like being with me, l drive you away , and lots more , l've had it all.

lt's not like that at all though , l love all that or l wouldn't be in it. but l just can't do 24 7 in your face well , when your both home anyway. l need breaks . Strange really for me it's always been women can do 24 7 but l can't. l know , of course it'd really help to have a spacey partner wouldn't it , it's just never happened combined with the rest of the combo needed between two people.

Buttttt, at least l've realized , once again it's happened before , that l def' prefer a partnered life,

rx

[Mickii]

Hi, I haven't read all the posts just yours. I understand. I wish someone would explain to me why "alone time" is so important. If I do not have that time I spiral into a psychological mess. I will read the posts, but maybe someone can explain why some people need time out. Not just need it....if I can not have that time I become a mess.