What does this mean , wth is wrong with me, is anyone else like this ? l need so much space.

[Guest_1584]

Hi bb .

Really hoping for some insight and feedback here because l can't afford to see someone.

My partner is down again from her city , been down a few wks now and can stay indefinitely right now as she's had legal business up home but it looks like that could be done for at least this yr now.

We've always lived really well together she's easy to be around , does nothing to make me the way l am no one ever has really although my ex w def' use to get a bit much which also made me head for solitude but at least there was a reason . Thing is , with my partner bow , friends or people around , even my daughter , l just become in desperate need alone time after awhile. lt doresn't matter who it is or how much l enjoy them around , l can only take so much of it but then l just have to get away for some time to myself.

My partner doesn't understand how l'm like this or why and she does nothing to bring it on , being around anyone after a certain amount of time just does and if l don go off and hide out alone for awhile l just gt exhausted and in filthy moods.. l'm talking daily. Even her or say my daughter who is the easiest person you'd get to be around , and she likes her space too , yet even with her.

l mean l'm a fun person and do love some fun and social time , but then ok , l've had enough now l have to go. With my partner if we're both around all day night which l work at home and she only works pt so that's quite often. l'll need a few hours to myself before she gets up , then a few more later in the afternoon and even after that l like if l can get it an hour or so before l go to bed , just alone time. Because although we do sleep beautifully together , l just don't feel like being ion bed bside someone all night without another bit of a break first.

l'm bloody weird , l've always been like this but it is a bit worse now as l'm older and since divorce l've either lived alone or spent a lot of time alone, Wth can't l cope and just enjoy relationships and being with special people like everyone else. My gf can be around me 24 7 , so could my ex w , so can my daughter , wth is wrong with me,

Any feed back appreciated . rx

[Guest_1643]

hi rx

i have also worried about the effects of not sleeping but had it worse than that - i wouldn't sleep at all - having the three hours i think can help worlds. A few good and peaceful hours 🙂

thats sweet that you miss her when she's gone - do u still speak a lot over facetime or text. It's nice to miss someone and realise they have a good influence on ur life.

i'm wadering if ur previous marriage having problems was maybe more why u felt that way

I lived with my family in my til 19 when i wasn't too well and it was hell on earth - they were abusive. i think that probaby has effected my desire for space. I don't kknow if u get this but I developed earaly on in childhood an obsession that I wanted doors closed in my room - I remember I wouldn't call a friend or work on my computer unless the door was shut first. I wanted to have a private life that they were barracaded from . Because they were so negative I got this idea that it was better to be alone.

Maybe its better ot be alone than with difficult people, but now that you are in a healthier relationship its a bit different. Hopefully ur enjoying the mix of time alone and time with ur loved one

[Guest_1584]

Hiya sleepy. And thanks for the thoughts.

Well yeah we're always in touch and chatting when she's not here but there's a few things to us in that way . One if she's back home it's for her legal stuff and it's very stressful upsetting and mind bending garbage so it's often just too much. And this time the poor thing's in 2wks hotel quarantine first as wk speak so very hard and unhappy times for her right now .

Marriage , weird but it was a different world , relationship and life but yeah l've always had space problems.

Don't worry , l like the door closed too, if anyone else is in the house , when l need my time l need it totally my time , no interference . but yeah l'm def' enjoying the mix a lot more lately . As you learn each others ways and an acceptance and compromise starts to pan out it really starts to help in finding and appreciating some middle ground and the relationship , each other.

So you don't sleep at all at times . l went through cycles growing up and for yrs later of usually around 6wks , where l just couldn't sleep at all , nothing . l would at least go to bed though l'd just be awake all night . But it always lasted 6wks and then l'd finally just start sleeping again out of shear tiredness.

[Guest_1643]

oh no not the hotel quarantine that must be very hard for your relationship. All these steps to be together and to travel. That's sure to be a bummer 😞

Sad that a lot of people stay in unhappy marriages and it becomes the norm... glad that you were able to get out and reclaim your life

i'm a night owl as well and like you can get by on less sleep - but i need it to be good and calm sleep - bit form the PTSD which i suffer from is that sometimes i would get wild nightmares - not so peaceful!

how is free time going? i hope you are getting rest and feeling good. Here in Melbourne we are all back to kmart lol bars open again and people are sure making the most of it.
I feel like i've been in a dream for 6 months but this is life now !

I realised that I can relate to a lot of what your saying - for me the worst part is... CHIT CHAT. i hate chit chat and small talk, but like to be close to someone or even be in an environment where you are so used to each other you don't have to make small talk. Small talk tires me out then i want to be alone.

[Guest_1584]

Mn the quarantine thing is only a fraction of it but damn that's just been so hard on her she can't even get the right food, her diet bc she has problems with different things. lt's pretty basic stuff but she can't even get that. Don't ask, been a nightmare, poor thing. The worst is the borders are opening again a few days after she finishes it and we won't even have to quarantine.

Small talks a funny thing in a relationship. l use to resent the hell out of it but l realized life contains all kinds of things between two people some of it's mundane everyday small stuff necessities some of it's the intense or huge and everything in between. But it's funny, if your into each other you pretty well enjoy it all , well most of it.

Thanks for asking yeah just been working and enjoying the house to myself , bed, tv , all mine haha. but l do miss her so l'm making progress ,

Yeah you guys are finally free again yeah it's big isn't it, congrats congrats. Can't believe the 10 days of zero but still a bit dubious right now bc we won't really know much until a few wks after opening so l'm holding breath here and hoping for the best.

Well l'm trying to reclaim it haha , wouldn't go through this for just anyone obviously but we've got a way to go with all her legals soooo, we see.

Hope your feeling better and lapping up some freedom.

rx

[Guest_1643]

yay fr a bit of space - and watching what you want on tv, getting up to projects, i can see the appeal!

it is a bit dubious isn't it - lot of people celebrating like melbourne beat the virus - who knows at this stage. we;ve been locked down forever here as well so our nerves are a bit shot... sounds like rural victoria hd a bit less intense lockdown....

Living by myself over this time was weird but nw its a bit better with more things open and also bit more sensitivity to check in on people - it's goign okay at the moment. I guess we've learnt through this lockdown but it definitely was an emotional rollarcoaster.

Thanks i am doing okay and taking things day by day. I say if you enjoy your little bursts of space just max it up - great shows, good rest, 🙂 I'm sure you'll feel good when soon you can have some time together. What a challenging time hey... new normals

[Guest_1584]

Ha , and laying round in bed all night on the pc, walking into the kitchen and doing or eating whatever l want , coming in from work and not having to do or say one bloody thing, being a slob , and on and on it goes haha.

Zeros again today eh , eeeeehhh haaaaa. hope your enjoying some sanity again and people and life. Up here nah , l don't say much bc Melbs been doing it so bloody hard but nah , we've pretty well had no cases since all this begun lifes been pretty close to normal really . A few restrictions for mth or so back at the start but not much later, l've felt truly blessed to be up here . But l've had to drive down and through melb quite a few times since April but tbh l've loved the quietness, the trafficlessness , sorry melb but it'd be really nice if it just stayed like that to me.

[Guest_1643]

hey rx - i live alone so i totally get u - it has its challenges having the space but then u kind of get used to it. Does ur gf add a personal touch to your home - even having her objects there might feel nice?
Initially living in an old place alone used to creep me out but now that i've added some personal touches to it it feels better. 🙂

so different hey between rural and suburban victoria - sounds like u guys had a nice run and seemed to get it straight away. here we had so much drama adjusting to the lockdowns! Do u wear masks there also?

it's a bit busier than usual here in melbourne and i don't love it but i just have to deal with it ... everything is crazy. I worry too that i'm enjoying living alone too much - i considered maybe when life isn't crazy and melbourne isn't everyone's worst place to rent my second room on air bnb and maybe have different visitors cme through. Is ti wrong to sometimes like the alone time? can really relate to this thread obvs

[ecomama]

HI rx

Sorry it's been a while.

I can see you tug of warring with yourself over meeting a pretty great person who loves you and your D and also loving the personal space and freedom.

BF mentioned this all to me a while back.
When I met him, he most desperately wanted a family again.
Now he's lived for so many years on his own, he worries he won't be able to cope here lol.

I do too!

But THIS YEAR I've had the same concerns for myself.
Tbh I'd be happy to take off for a few days to give him complete peace.

The funny thing is that when we're together, we just want to be together but we're thinking it's BECAUSE we know it's only for a short time (max time has been a month) so we CRAM lol.

I read recently that humans are the ONLY animals who have thoughts about their thoughts.

I think our thoughts about our thoughts can drive us crazy lol.

If RESPECT is the bottom line of your relationship and diminishing "ego" to about nil, then space and alone time would be respected also.

Not sure how'd you go about the bed all to yourself though!
Lol, I know a woman who had their new home built with TWO Master bedrooms.
A HIS and a HERS. Almost never the twain shall meet lol.

Anyway I'm an insomniac, a family trait.
I just try to make myself tired, sometimes it works... sometimes not.
I've gone to work many a time on 90 mins sleep.

EMxxxx

[Guest_1643]

hi all

wow em this is so true and wise.

I think our thoughts about our thoughts can drive us crazy lol.

thats the anxiety spiral right there... 🙂

[ecomama]

Dear Sleepy & randomx

I know right!

Omg lol... I've often thought that if I can JUST stop thinking and over thinking then my thoughts might be more positive and I'd be fine! LOL!

That's true but it's also SO SILLY doing the merry-go-round that it looks like a joke!

HOW ABOUT IF we presented a Big HUGE Certificate to ourselves that said:

YOU ARE AWESOME!

YOU ARE PERFECT JUST THE WAY YOU ARE

YOU'VE GOT THIS!

And really meant every word.

Like HOW would THAT feel?

So instead of worrying and changing and banging ourselves over the head.

We could free up SO MUCH time for creativity, fun and happiness!
Like those are the ONLY things to do in life.

What would THAT look like?

It's pretty awesome because I decided that's what I'm doing. LOLOLOL.

Love EM