I am a 53 year old male married to 31 year old woman whom I love so dearly, we have 2 beautiful children whom we both love. I have posted in the past about something that happened in our previous location that drove me to move my family interstate to be clear of the trauma.
i myself have not been clear from the trauma it has festered and existed inside me for over 18 months, the blame, guilt, anger which has now come to a point I am unable to cope anymore.
My wife has been a victim of SA from when she was 10 years old into her mid teens, she has struggled with her own demons since and even now faces them nearly daily, these demons are self worth of which she feels none and guilt. In our last location, she became victim to a narcissistic abuser who knew how to use her empathetic nature against her, that is why we moved, at her lowest she had a sexual fling with a person over the course of a weekend, I have just discovered this part just today but my mind suspected as much for the last 18 months but I could get no information or truth from her. The discovery of the fling actually brought me peace, my suspicion and imagination was so much worse than the truth. It does not change the fact that I still love her, but now she knows I’m aware she has closed herself down, embarrassed to speak to me, anger at me and herself. I have been having severe panic attacks truly horrible things, I have felt desperate and suicidal that I was lied to that this has dragged on for so long when the truth could have released all the anxiety and stress so long ago. It has destroyed my mental health, she is the love of my life I don’t want to lose her, I’ve told her I don’t care about what happened but I still need to process the events. I don’t know where my future lies or who it lies with. I am scared for my family, I am scared of not having my friend and love at my side.
