What can I do? I feel heartless

[BME1994]

MY story begins basically with a girl who I fell in love with for the first time. I was never in love before but the closer we got, the greater our feelings were. Anyway long story short, she decided to cheat on me with another man and my heart was destroyed. I thought maybe it was the way I looked or acted but she insisted that she just wanted to have sex at the time. Then as she admits to leading me on, she tells me that whilst talking to me she had feelings for several other guys and kissed them on separate occasions (including her ex) and at that point depression began. Knowing that I was used for attention, I cut all contact with her and banished her out of my life completely.

But since that day from knowing what she did and the fact that she denied time and time again that she has kissed other guys while leading me on (before coming clean) and saying I was the only one she liked, I have felt this weight on my shoulders as if it''s a

burden to smile these days.I don't see the point in anything.

My heart, self esteem and soul have taken a huge beating that everyday I am depressed about everything. Im angry,

Im hurt, Im sad and I'm just damn confused. It started small but got bigger and bigger that suicide began to cross my mind. I don't know that to do. I'm always feeling fatigued and depressed, Im always anxious about life and I can't find a solution.
 

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[white knight]

Hi BME, welcome to beyond blue forums

I think this depends on the individual but I think true love can only be replaced by love again. And suicidal thoughts can enter ones mind (as it did for me in 1996) if you are reacting in any number of ways e.g.  you are infatuated, suffered abuse, have children involved that you are separated from and so on the list it goes.

What is important is for you keep things in the right perspective. And try to remain positive. Not easy but it works. Deep and true love comes with the commitment of love for each other without one having romantic or sexual or even flirting feelings for others. You have been betrayed and your fragile mind has locked into a track of thought that has caused you harm. You need medical care and I'd like you to attend your doctors for treatment.

There are several necessities IMO for depressed persons to pay attention to. Among them, seek financial stability, calm environment etc and ...removing toxic persons from your life. This girlfriend was indeed toxic- to you. Because she hurt you and did things that you could not and should not put up with. So by default, you have removed her from your life. Now for your future.

Among those "necessities" as mentioned above - is filling your life/spare time, with activity. Be it a hobby, volunteer work, more company of good caring  friends, reading etc. The more distraction the less room for thoughts of her. Add to that dating of other ladies and before you know it she will be a distant memory.

I know this because I had a 6 year relationship in the 1980's. Then it fell apart. I eventually married then 11 years alter it ended. Then I had a defacto relationship and I had a chance meeting with that first relationship. After a chat with her I realised that her vagueness and indecisiveness, the reason we ended in the first place, was much clearer for me. I finally realised how bad those issues were and why we never made it.

Hence I believe the same with you. In a couple of more years if you met up with her again it might be really apparent why it could never work.

Try to be real. Hanging onto thoughts of her is moving on and isnt doing you favours.

Try using search to read these threads. They might help.

Depression and toxic people

Who cries over spilt milk?

Think b4 you act

Confidence- how do you get it?

Good luck.  Oh, I forgot....time is the best healer.

Tony   WK

[geoff]

dear BME, I can only say how sorry I am for you, and it's something that doesn't go well with me, having a person you love go and do this behind your back.

As my good friend Tony has said ' true love can only be replaced by love again', but this may not be possible at times, because she has disregarded the love you had for her, and now you have to build up your confidence once again and this is what you have to try and do, and hell it's not so easy.

She can't use you as a door stop, which I think you know, but again I know this hurts, but she has destroyed your trust, and once this has been done it can never return to the original relationship.

Do you feel as though you need to see your doctor as they maybe able to help you over this pain, but it's not only on this occasion, as there will be some doubt in your mind on further relationships until you find the one you truly can trust and love again.

Let us know how you are going. Geoff.