Want to leave partner.

[Ruth-07621]

Hi, wondering if anyone has any experiences with this they could shed some light for me?!

I have been planning to leave my partner for a few months, actually made the decision. He smokes weed alot and emotionally abusive. Not full on but enough to make me cry alot, not love him anymore and want to leave.

I have been working casually and also studying. I have low self esteem and have found it hard to get another job to support myself. My plan was to get full time work and pay rent myself but the situation is getting more urgent to leave. It is so toxic here.

I am thinking about asking my parents if I can move in with them until I get a f/t job. It's just , I'm in my early 30's now which for one makes me feel ashamed I haven't got my life together and two I feel like such a burden on them. I have moved in and out of their place in the past , leaving another partner on and off. My dad said not to come back, kinda jokingly but... now I don't want to ask.

My parents don't know anything about what I've been going through here and I'm considering just telling them the truth. I just feel so ashamed of my situation. What would you do?!!

[Ruth-07621]

How would you start this conversation? My parents are not people I ever talk to about things so it feels kind of wrong and impossible. But I'm not sure what else I can do. When I talk to my partner I assume we will need to give real estate 28 days notice and pay rent for the month. I don't think he would stay here either.

I am struggling with this transitioning part. I feel like my only option is to save enough to pay for my new place and pay last month of rent here.. so save to pay double rent for a month. And it's been bumming me because I haven't been able to secure enough work yet. Although still trying.

[Learn to Fly]

Hi Ruth-07621,

If you were to talk to your parents, how would you feel about telling them the truth? You had mentioned this in your first post and this is usually the best way to talk.

How to start... Probably depending on how you feel about it. You can either make some small talk and slowly start telling them how things are. Or cut to the chase and tell them what you have told us: how you have been emotionally abused and you can't take it any longer. You have done all that is in your power and beyond to improve the situation you are in but you will need all the help you can get.

You have done nothing to be ashamed of. You have done nothing wrong. But you might have been manipulated into thinking that you should be ashamed of your situation. This might be difficult for you but please try to be kind to yourself.

Also, to feel less overwhelmed by everything that's been happening, if possible, try to focus on one step at a time. Maybe even write everything down and then try to prioritise, or pick what things you can try to do first. You can present it as a pyramid where the ultimate goal for you (the peak of the pyramid) is to move out and leave your partner. Below, put the main things that need to be done in order to achieve your ultimate goal i.e. move out - find new accommodation and find another job. Further down, list things you can do to achieve these two sub-goals, and so on and so forth.

How does this sound to you? This is only an idea/suggestion and I apologise if this is something that might be completely out of your comfort zone.

Thinking of you and here to chat more.

[Ruth-07621]

Thank you so much for taking the time to share your insights. I am going to think about all of that, and get my priorities in order.
I am so glad I reached out to the forum . I have not been thinking very clearly in amongst my depression with all of this.
Will see how I go with sticking to a plan to stay focused. 🙏

[Juliet_84]

Hi Ruth,

I would just sit down and talk with your parents and explain that you and your partner are separating. You can explain to them a bit what you have been going through, and that you can’t anymore. And then I’d ask them whether you would be ok to move in for a time until you get back on your feet. Explain to them that it is a temporary situation and you will contribute to expenses and cook a few nights a week etc, so you won’t be a burden. And see what they say. They are entitled to say no but I can’t imagine many people saying no when their children need help.

[Learn to Fly]

It's hard to think clearly when so many stressful things are happening. We become overwhelmed and end up in panic mode. Nobody is rational during such an emotional upheaval. I am also glad you have shared your story with us. You just never know what other people might bring into your life. Worth a shot I say.

[Banksy92]

Hi Ruth, just checking in to see how you're feeling? I hope you are doing okay and are still working towards your plan.

Did you have a chance to speak with your parents for a place to stay?

If it ever feels like too much, remember you can always call the Beyond Blue helpline to speak with someone and work through how you are feeling.

Thinking of you.

[Guest_1643]

Hello,

Great responses

If u haven't told Ur parents what is going on, then maybe they aren't support ppl for you.

If u have nowhere to go and it will help u stabilise it's fine to move back, but in my opinion would only help if u have a lovomg and close rapport with them, and they know u need a bit more support to Ur self esteem while moving on from a break up

Many ppl move back in wirh their parents after a break up, but it'd be good if u could work towards having Ur independent space.