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unfriendly people

phaedrus
Community Member

for 40 years i've joined lots of organizations and i've observed that all of them are unfriendly. they don't include newcomers, and they don't offer turns in conversations. in groups, they use a competitive focus. largely these groups only survive by an intake of new members.

in the real world, one occasionally meets one of the rare good people, but of course they have busy lives, so no chance of friendship, but the deep-and-meaningful keeps one's hopes up.

i don't blame anyone, it's just our culture.

7 Replies 7

sbella02
Community Champion
Community Champion

Phaedrus,

 

Thank you for posting here, welcome to the forums.

 

An interesting observation you make. I've arguably had the opposite experience, whereby I've met quite a few good people, and seldom come across somebody who I've truly felt was unfriendly. 

 

I can second your observation that good people seem to lead very busy lives. All of the friendliest people that I know appear to constantly be occupying themselves with some kind of event or commitment. I wonder what the psychology behind this is. 

 

Thank you for sharing. You've sparked an interesting conversation, and I'd love to hear the input of other forum members. 

 

SB

Guest_1584
Community Member

Hi op . lt might be more your town or state , they all very hugely in that department l've lived in 3 states and more towns. l won't go naming them but some weren't friendly at all and had pecking order mentalities or a sort of you get ignored until we consider you a local attitude- which could be 10yrs. Some have been in between others have just been nice people from day one. Other places it was almost trendy to just be so busy no one had time and their own lives and whatever.

Where l live now people have been very good from the day we got here. Quite open yet respectful of privacy or moods. They're quite a nicely observant mentality too actually in those ways where as often people have zero perception in things like that. l've noticed from day one round here though they just seem to notice.

So, l'm afraid it varies a lot and unfortunately it sounds like that is more so just the nature of your area. 

 

rx

 

Sadly some areas /states aren't as nationality or different accepting either but some others are very open .

rx

jaz28
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi there,

 

I certainly hear what you are saying, it is tough out there and I find it is more prevalent in certain smaller states or towns. It's funny - because we know there are people out there like us seeking meaningful friendships, but we struggle to stumble upon them - why is that? It is frustrating. 

 

I cope with thinking that people who are meant for you won't pass you, but you also have to actively pursue friendships with a vengeance in this day and age - especially with social media. It is sad, and I often wish that people wouldn't be so socially selective but as you said - it's just our culture. And it's up to you whether you value many friendships or group membership, or if you are happy to have a couple of good friends or relationships and call it a day! For me, tonnes of meaningless friendships seem quite exhausting and boring, I'd rather have a couple of good friends.

 

I hope you find what you are looking for!

Jaz xx

Juliet_84
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Phaedrus,

I know exactly how you feel. I seem to encounter people who are rude to me on a fairly regular basis and at times have been the victim of out and out bullying for no real reason I can see. Objectively I am attractive and smart and kind and I think I have a good sense of humour but yet I seem to meet people who are hostile or say something nasty to me on sight. I try not to let it get to me but I do wonder what it is about me that these people see. I have had some success with meeting the odd gem in groups and some of them have become fairly close friends but I struggle to have the level of intimacy with these people that I desire. That being said, due to past traumas, I am a fearful avoidant attachment so I desperately want that closeness but the vulnerability it takes to achieve it sometimes scares/eludes me. And full-time work obviously puts a dampener on things - I have found in the past that I respond best to the friends who make the effort, who force me to catch up etc. Maybe be the change that you do desire? 

Sorry to hear that Juliet but l can relate most def'

My gf for some strange reason has has terrible runs with people too although where she is they can be a bit that way to l know.

When she's down at mine she's always blown away at how decent yet respectful too people are to her.

She's very attractive too , although where she's been living there a plenty of good looking women so l dunno if that has anything to do with it. l often think it's her kind and maybe a bit to thoughtful ways . She's very polite and appreciative , soft hearted, friendly,  mostly . Sometimes l really think that's read as a weakness in women , could be wrong but people pick it up on glance with her and often just act hth they want. lt might not be that but l'm pretty sure it is.

She has made a few good friends too though .

 

lt is a lot harder over all though these days too same complaint over a lot of the world l've read quite a bit. The internet and sm age , people just don't mix in RL or even get out into the real world much now the way they use too, or even call much anymore or drop in- it's all sm or messaging. l also think life itself these days and stresses is another huge part of it too.

rx

ecomama
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hey phaedrus, welcome to the forums. I hope you come back to visit your thread and perhaps join in the discussion you started? 

 

I'd estimate I've been parts of different types of organisations for over 50y and I don't find that people are this way at all. 
I've had more of sbella's experiences. 
Isn't that strange how we can differ so vastly? 

Perhaps yes and no. 
I currently work FT in a place with over 55 employees. 
Their attitudes range from outright hatred for the entire place (one can only wonder why they remain there lol, don't worry I've ASKED them BUT they stay lol)... 
To others who are SO GRATEFUL to be there, like I am. 
Same place. Same clients. Same staff. Extremely opposing views with everything in between. 

 

Very interesting point both you and sbella brought up too... that "good people" have busy lives. 
Could that be an indicator? IDK. 
It's certainly been my experience. 
Perhaps these "busy people" strive for their own or their group goals? 

 

For one, when someone is nasty or horrid lol, I know for sure it's far more about them and their baggage than anything I have ever done. Water off this little duck's back. Move on. 

 

Oh Miss Poss on the balcony ready for her apple, gotta go! 
Love EM