My girlfriend ended it because she said she needs to work on her mental health

[moonnback2009]

So I was with my girlfriend for three years. We are both women and 2 years into the relationship i told my parents about us and came out. my girlfriend was always too anxious to tell her family and come out. I was completely okay with this and supportive any time she said she wanted to try and tell them but she never did. 6 weeks ago she broke up with because she said she didn't love me and needed to work and her mental health, which she has been struggling with for years and she has said that I helped her when we were younger and i help her a lot with it. she also said she needed to come out to her parents but didn't want to have to tell them about us as it would be too much for them. After we broke up i begged to give us another go and just try and make this work and she refused. I suggested a break and she said no and that we needed to be broken up as she needs to be single and not have me in the back of her mind all the time. She needed to be single in order to work on her mental health and come out. so far she has come out but not told her parents about our 3 year relationship, and she doesn't intend too. She has told me that she wants to be with me but needs to be okay first she said that she loved me but she couldn't show it. But I don't understand how that is possible. I struggle with my mental health a lot too and I always have, I found out that I have a lot of other health issues and I will need multiple surgeries and I will have these conditions for life. Due to this I have been struggling a lot with my own mental health. any time I am not okay she is the one person that has always made me feel okay and better. she said she plans to get back together before the end of the year but it just worries me that she wont come back even though she said she will and she promises that she will nearly every week. I am really torn about it because I love her but I am scared she wont. I also feel horrible for saying this but I don't know if she is being selfish or not. I always felt like we worked through things together and she knows that my own mental health has gotten worse since she broke up with me.  I do want her to come back because this is the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with and she said the same about me. it kills me to have to wait 3 months, and I just don't know how to support her and get her back. 

[Sophie_M]

Dear moonnback2009,

Welcome and thank you for coming to the forums to seek support with our lovely community. Please know you can express yourself and your concerns openly and without fear of judgement, as this is a safe space.

It is clear though your post, the love you have for your partner, and it must have had a real impact on your mental health having to hide that relationship for 3 years. We are sorry the relationship was ended so your girlfriend can resolve their own mental health concerns, but we hope that you will take this time to do the same and focus on yourself.
 
We can hear in your post that you are holding out hope that your partner will reconcile the relationship, but this is becoming a source of anxiety. You also mentioned there is a set time frame to the relationship possibly commencing again, please spend the time seeking positive experiences, hobbies and peruse your interests. As your girlfriend has taken time for their mental health recovery, why not spend the time doing the same. Do you have professional mental health support or a trusted GP you can seek assistance through?  
 
Due to the ongoing concerns, you have had around your prior and future relationship with your girlfriend. We would like to recommend contacting QLife. They’re a free and anonymous service run by LGBTIQ+ peers for those wanting to talk about a range of issues including sexuality, identity, gender, bodies, feelings, or relationships. They operate between 3pm and midnight each day and can be called on 1800 184 527 or via web chat.

Please also consider Beyond Blue if you would like to talk about your ongoing struggles, we are always here for you. Please contact Beyond Blue either via phone 1300 22 4636 or through Online Chat 24/7. Please don’t feel you have to do this alone.

Thank you again for joining our supportive community forums, we hope you find the shared insights and advice of our members helpful.

Warm Regards,
Sophie M

[ecomama]

Dear moonback, a warm welcome to the forums, we're so glad you're here and hope you feel better over time for joining. 

How freaking sad. You were SO brave in coming out to your parents because you knew you loved your GF and I'm sure part of showing your love and commitment to her was doing this incredibly brave action. 
Well done. You are one AWESOME partner to have! 

Now you're heart broken over this break up. Hugs. 
It can take a long time to recover from this kind of heart break, so the most important thing is for you to be kind to yourself through this. Treat yourself as your own bestest friend in the world would treat you right now. 

IDK what GF is going through nor why she hasn't come out about you 2 at all to her family. 
That's for her to manage. 
I don't have the magic wand or advice about getting her back. In fact over time you may change your mind about this altogether. 
It's possible, not probable atm.

YOU on the other hand have this precious time to invest in yourself. 
Make yourself stronger. Do anything and everything you need and want to do for yourself. 

Right now you face a fork in the road. It could end up THIS way or it could end up THAT way. 
You can use this time to care for yourself so no matter WHICH road your life takes, you are stronger, more independent, FULLER of every type of wonderful thing you can imagine eg self assuredness, happiness, health, even financial wealth! Any thing you choose. 
What ever you've been procrastinating doing for YOURSELF, you can do now. 

Jump in! You may have a really great time swimming in the oceans of your creations. 
Love EM

[moonnback2009]

Hey ‚Em,

thank you… you have been the only person through all of this that has said those things to me in that way. Thank you. I just want you to know that what you said has really impacted me and changed my outlook on all of this thank you. I love her and I want to wait but I can’t let that hold me back. I need to work on myself. Thank you. You are honestly an amazing person and keep doing what you do

thank you x