Try to understand my husbands "cut them off" attitude.

[Olliepop]

My husband is very straight to the point, if he doesnt like something or someone, he would gladly tell them to their face, if someone has upset him for the smallest of reasons, its done.

The past year, we have overcome my family upsetting him in which he said he would move on, not let others get to him etc. again and just let people be as we cant change them.

XMAS day, my family lunch, we were all in a room, the kids going crazy, my siblings shooting nerf guns and he just snapped, that he wanted to go and both him and i and our son had to leave.

So we packed our things, and left. My family were not happy about this, for more reason than one i am the youngest girl of the family and all they saw was my husband wanting something and me obeying what he said. It took awhile (and my husband drank after this) to let out feelings he doesnt like how my family act, and how nobody says anything when something wrong is happening, he verbally critisied my entire family 1 by 1. I found this really unfair, although i still tried to listen to my husabdn and understand. I even tried to explain why to my family in which, they dont get it and just said you shouldnt have left, period. I belive it was wrong also, and pointed out to my husband that too although i didnt want to go, and i feel he overreacted i still left as i love him and hes my husband. My husband had a short fuse infront of his own family yesterday, i flagged how he was acting, and he cleared it up with them.

This made me some what jealous, as he realised with his own family how he was acting and cleared the air.. yet nothing has changed on my family end. My parents are afraid to talk to me, im too afraid to reach out to them as im unsure on what they will say to me, and my husband hasnt apologised to the simple fact he blew up like he did and stormed out. I dont think my family mind he was upset, about whatever, but i do believe they think he should say something instead of storm out and then send drunken messages to people later and go over the top. There are some things my husband doesnt remembe rhe said after he began to drink, which i flagged to him also. But im just sad, and stuck. Trying to be patient to give everyone space as well. I know my husband misses his late father, and he stated in his state that after he acts that way he remembers his father and knows his father wouldnt be happy in how he acted.

Trying to stay positive, not sure where to go from here.

My mother gets jealous after these moments if i spend time with my in-laws, as I dont act like my husband, and she probably wished i did as my husband makes them feel a particular way.

We have only been married for 6 years. My older brother and i did discuss, and he stated its still early years, and it is hard, but there is a line of accepting personalities and how you act etc. in life.

I can feel my father is waiting for my husbands apology, and he too will be gossiping with my middle sibling, as thats what the family tends to do.
I dont know how to approach my parents, and i dont know how to keep moving on and in hopes my husband finds a way to reach out to put things at ease.
Thank you as always BB fam.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Olliepop,

Im sorry this has happened to you…my husband was similar to yours, he would speak his mind to absolutely anyone and didn’t care who he hurt…many times he would get up and leave, take me with him and our children after a blowup, with our friend and family, we lost so many friends, and also my parents….I loved my husband and was also very afraid of him so I left with him when things didn’t go the way he wanted it to go…

Because of a dispute with my parents, I stopped seeing them..to keep hubby happy…I lost all contact with them for over 30 years…my father even passed away in this time…I know I sound bad but I was brainwashed by hubby and he wouldn’t let me see them…okay I had major problems with my parents but I still loved them…in my husbands thoughts, they were no longer family…but we used to see his parents regularly…..Obeying my husband was a must..(DV)…

What I’m trying to say, is that you done no wrong, please don’t be afraid to ring your parents or even visit them…They love you more then you know, please don’t make the same mistake I made and not contact them…If your husband has an issue with them…so be it…he doesn’t need to see them if he doesn’t want to…but sweetheart your parents are important in your life as well as your children’s lives…

I hope in time,  sooner rather then later,  that your husband realises he done wrong and apologies to your father so once again your family unit will be complete…maybe with a few drinks in him, he gets more emotional unstable, so he takes everything to heart and thinks everything is personal and explodes without thinking….maybe, couples counseling might help with his alcohol intake, could be something underlying that causes him to drink when upset…which requires some professional help…

My kindest thoughts dear Olliepop, along with a gentle caring hug 🤗…

Grandy..

[Olliepop]

Thank you for your lovely reply!

My husband and i had a discussion... we sorted out our issues, but my family have taken it even more emotionally further. My father didnt reach out to me for days, and altohugh i have tried, he makes it very clear hes upset, my husband too reached out to him for a new years wish, but stated he would rather talk in person to my father. I know my siblings will be getting in his ear, and making it no easier for me.

My husband accepted leaving wasnt right, and apologised to me.

My mother turns a blind eye and keeps acting like nothing happened.. she believes moving on from things is beter, but she doesnt actually accept how others feel.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Olliepop,

I’m pleased you and your husband have sorted out your issues…and I hope soon that your father will come round and your family can be together again with love, respect and care for each other…

I can say, I’m like your mother, I don’t hold grudges, forgive easily as I know that sometimes we can say and do things that can be hurtful to others unintentionally….Life is to short, to even miss a day with anger or grudges towards family and friends…

My care sweet lady, with another caring hug…🤗🌹.

Grandy..