Troubled young adults - Help

[shannc]

Hi All,

I am seeking help mostly on behalf of my parents who are currently dealing with my 25 y/o troubled brother.

He has a history of drugs, trouble with the police and hanging with the wrong crowds. He was once physically violent and that’s when we knew he was going through another episode. We have also sent him to rehab, which was a waste of money as they don’t tend to offer any follow up. My brother had hit rock bottom at one stage when he was diagnosed with epilepsy. He pulled out of that fast when he met a girl but as soon as they broke up, he went back to his old ways. He had recently crashed his car and we believe he was on drugs at the time. He now has a massive debt as he was still paying off his car and it wasn’t insured. It seems he has no idea of consequences as my parents have given him jobs for some cash to help him pay off the car, but he won’t show up half the time. He sometimes won’t show up to work and my parents have had to ask his boss to give him another chance. He has also been kicked out of his apartment so is now back home. My parents are stuck! They want to sell the house and spend their hard-earned money to travel Australia but it’s my brother that’s holding them back. 
My parents have tried everything - rehab, council, tough love. They can’t seem to get through to him and it seems to be getting worse. He thinks they will leave money with him in their passing but my parents are using it to bail him out. 
I can see they’re starting to get depressed and it makes me feel helpless! I also sometimes wish my brother would die, but I know I shouldn’t think like that. 
Does any one have advice on how to handle this? 

[geoff]

Hello shannc, a situation like this can leave your parents trying to make decisions impossible, on one hand they want to help him, but on the other they want to enjoy their retirement.

Rehab can benefit many people, unfortunately this may not happen with your brother and even if his car was insured the insurance probably wouldn't pay out as he was under the influence, and with your parents trying to help him pay it off, really shouldn't happen as it may just happen again.

I can't tell you what to do, but I can suggest that whatever is done to try and help him will only fall on deaf ears, so to speak.

If our brother has been in trouble with the police, they may have a keen eye on him, so perhaps get your parents to sell the house and for once try and enjoy themselves going around Australia.

Geof.

Life Member.