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My relationship with my mum is destroyed, i need solid advice to fix it.

Jadeee
Community Member

Hey so i am 15 and i really need some good advice to help with the situation that i have been currently facing for about 4 years. So my mother and i have a very toxic relationship and ive tried everything to fix it. She is a gaslighter, phycological coercer and always gives me silent treatment. My parents in general dont meet my needs as a young child, i feel like they have let me down and they heavily hinder my mental health as i am always trying to become a better person but my mum brings out the worst in me. She has said she doesnt love me, i love her but i cant express it with her being so mean to me. I also have two older siblings and a younger brother, and i noticed the way she treats them, invests so much time into them and always asks them questions. But she has never done that to me, anytime i talk to her she says she busy ect. And i just feel so lonely, my teachers who have to deal with 20 kids at once invests more time into me than my parents ever had, thats why i prefer being at school more. My parents dont hug, kiss or love me so ive never had any form of physical affection and it makes me a pretty numb person. My mum has control over my whole life, i cannot voice my opinions, she has control over my finances and i also have to buy all my stuff like clothes, food, resources like a scientific calculator for school that is $270. And ive only just realised after 4 years that i am being controlled, becuase ive developed a tolerance to the way my mum treats me and it is normalised for me, so i feel guilty whenever i ask my parents to buy me something or whenever i speak up, i get shut down, pure fascism. And so therefore i am pretty much responsible for myself at 15 years old, but my brothers and sister gets treated way differenly. I feel like an outcast, i feel like i am living with complete strangers. I dont know what to do, i need help.

2 Replies 2

smallwolf
Community Champion
Community Champion

hello and welcome.

 

I'm sorry to hear about the difficult situation you're facing with your mother and family. It sounds like you've been struggling for a long time and are in need of support. Remember that you deserve love and respect from those who are closest to you. It's not okay for anyone to manipulate, or give you the silent treatment. It's also not okay for your parents to neglect your basic needs and treat you differently from your siblings.

 

You're very brave for reaching out and asking for help. It takes a lot of courage to acknowledge and address toxic relationships. Consider reaching out to a trusted teacher, or school counselor, or a therapist. You could also contact kids helpline (https://kidshelpline.com.au/). Any of these people or organisations should be able to provide you with resources and support to help you navigate this situation.

 

Remember, there is hope for improvement and you deserve to be happy and have healthy relationships, and it's okay to work towards that.

D_D
Community Member

It hurts to hear your mum has said she doesn’t love you. 
i remember being 15 living at home with my mum. It was horrible. We would fight all the time and she would mock me. Pretend to imitate me in a whinging voice until i would go to my room and cry. 

I don’t have any advice for you now unfortunately. But I wanted to say I am in my 20’s now and my mum is my best friend. We never fight. 

Try writing your mum a letter. She probably has no idea that you feel this way. Write a letter and leave it for her before school. 
It can be hard to be vulnerable and open up but you may find it could be the best thing you do. 
Maybe just try writing you wished you had a better relationship with her and you wished she loved you the same as your siblings. 
If your mum does not respond kindly to that, then you know it’s time for you to speak to someone to get help. A teacher at school or councillor or a friends parent you trust. 

i hope your mum reads your letter and feels hurt not realising how you feel and I hope your relationship repairs.