Tired, worn out, sick of being expected to do everything and not being respected.

CMF · ‎05-10-2016

Well not a good day for me. I am so down and out and sick of everything. My 2 older kids went interstate with their dad (my ex husband) last week for a few days as his new GF lives there. My eldest daughter cam home sick, coughing, sneezing etc. She has ben sick for a week and still not better. My little one is now also coughing and sneezy. My ex husband has gone back interstate of course as he is renting an apartment there and goes back and forth every week. It frustrates me that his life just goes on like one big holiday while I am stuck looking after sick kids. He is a selfish liar, doesn't think he should have to do anything. Does not think about anyone but himself and putting on a show to impress people. He works for himself, always used the excuse of work to get out of things but clearly its just another lie as he can work from interstate while he visits his GF without any problem. I am so tired, not much sleep as the girls are coughing at night. My little ones dad does all his things first and I feel worries about us last and i'm so sick of it. I feel they both just expect me to deal with everything, making excuses to get out of any responsibility. I don't ask much of anyone but when I do I always have to be let down. Selfish, selfish, selfish liars. Am I that worthless to everyone? I mean seriously do they really expect me to just do everything? I feel like telling them both to go to hell and packing up and moving. It is so cold today. I cant take much more of everyone being sick and the cold weather.

Touille · ‎22-10-2016

Morning from here,

Yeah, I was thinking when washing my dishes last night about Outdoor girl, perfectionist by the sounds the husband.

Oh, probably being controlling by the sounds of it by his attitude. Some people who have a proud attitude think they always know better than others. Seems like a strange person to rearrange things and they never fitted anyway.

CMF · ‎22-10-2016

Yeah, like he thought I wasn't capable and he had to take over.

Clues_Of_Blue · ‎22-10-2016

Ugh, he sounds toxic all round. If you know it's just going to be unpleasant, why not just tell him not to come to the wedding? Can you have a plus one that isn't him, so the spot isn't going to waste? Seriously, I know you want to facilitate him having time with the little one, but you can have some control over how that takes place, he doesn't have to mess with you having a good time. Sorry he's been a jerk about the market, too. I know you don't like to ask friends to help, but on this one it might be best if you do, so you're not unable to book for the market next month. Including him in her life doesn't have to mean relying on him, the more you shift away from that paradigm, the better it is for you and indirectly also for your little one.

Blue.

CMF · ‎23-10-2016

Hi Blue,

yeah I've thought of telling him not to come. I'll see hat happens he t few weeks. I can't take someone else as I don't know anyone plus my kids will be there and I just think it looks bad all round. No one really know how things are between us. I did tell my sister today that I felt he may not come. I told her about him almost sr crashing my car and that I hadn't heard from him. He may be going through a rough patch again with anxiety, I have no idea, so I gave this as the reason. She said not to worry, nothing I can do about it if he doesn't come.

Two weeks, no word from him,nit even to see how the little one is. If he got my message re the market it's pretty low of him not to reply as he knows how much work I've put into making everything and I want to try and get something happening. Regardless of anything to deny me of that is just just selfish. The little one is his responsibility too and I shouldn't have to expect others to look after her from 7am while he sleeps in and relaxes, especially considering nothing holds him back from things he needs or wants to do. How can he call himself a dad if he's around only when it suits him? To think he wNted kids all his life, and lots of them. I think he liked the idea of it. He likes the idea of lots of things but he never actually dies them, it's all talk I find. So many ideas and things he's going to do but nothing gets done. I could go on forever with examples but I won't. I know what you mean about nit relying on him but he's the only person I have. My family don't live close and my couple if friends have their own families and issues. He's been talking for years about moving into his place. It right on the other side of town. No idea how that's going to work. He was destined for a singles life I love think. Having a family was not in the picture, just talk, talk, talk. He doesn't have the mindset of family.

Theres more I could say but I'll leave it there for now or I won't sleep. We have different idea of family and responsibility. He has no idea. Don't think he understands what it really means.

cmf x

Lost_Girl · ‎25-10-2016

Hi cmf,

I am so sorry that you keep having to deal with the same issues again and again.

Would you be able to advertise your craft in local school newsletters? Maybe it will give another way to sell.

Star and Blue have some great advice. Ideally you could try not to expend energy worrying about him or what he says. Try and distract yourself when you realise you are thinking about him. Formalise everything so you are in control. I know you have to deal with the ambiguity of him not keeping obligations. I agree with Blue, try friends. Ask around to see if any friends will volunteer to help with care. A group email asking if anyone is available will allow people to not feel obligated to volunteer. You never know.

I hope you find some peace cmf.

Kind thoughts,

Carol

CMF · ‎26-10-2016

Hi all,

Well he made contact today. Rang to tell me to book the market for this weekend so I get my 3 markets in. I did point out that my message was for last week and he told me he was working, still he could have responded. At least he has made the effort now. He also informed me he has bought a car seat to put in his parents car so he can take her out without having to rely on using my car. I feel a little anxious about this but it will make things much easier. I know he wants to do things with her without me around which makes me nervous hut he doew have her best interest at heart, even if he is careless, and it could free up time for me without leaving me without a car. I should focus on the positive aspect of this rather than being negative, after all I don't like being around him much either but its still depressing that things are like this. A bit of time to myself could be good for me I just hope he doesn't exclude me on certain occasions and just take her now as I always include him if there is something on.

I mentioned the wedding and that I wanted to go and visit to take the wedding present one weekend and he seemed ok with this, which was good.

He started asking which dr I see for women's health and which was the one who misdiagnosed the little one's heart condition. I told him and asked why he wanted to know and he just said that all he knows is that some doctors are useless and worth nothing. There is more to it, why would he randomly ask me that so I do believe he is hiding the reason he wanted to know. Maybe he want to refer someone. The reason I think this way is because that is what he does. He fishes for answers to questions bit does not tell you the real reason he wants to know. Most times the question is nit something that ha anything to do with him. Example, when I met him he kept asking how much you get from Centrelink when you have a baby. I told him its not a straight out amount, it depends on circumstances. H told me that he asked so many people and no one could tell him and he was curious. It came out later that his ex girlfriend, who was desperate to get back with him, was trying to convince him to have a child together because she would get so much money (this was when she didn't know he was seeing me). He did tell me that there was no way he would have a child for her financial benefit. Funny thing is I found things out about her, she couldn't stand children and couldn't have them. Entrapment, right there.

CMF · ‎26-10-2016

so i'm overthinking everything and feeling biter and angry. He didn't contact us for 2 1/2 weeks and not that he has the baby seat he calls to tell me to book the market cos now he's free to go out and doesn't have to collect me afterwards etc.

I'm curious to see his behaviour now that he has the seat. Will I be excluded from things because he doesn't need me now with the car? In those 2 weeks we didn't hear from him he purchased the seat (he had spoken of doing this before) and then he rings to tell me to do whatever markets I want. It is a good thing but why do I feel so sceptical of his motives? Maybe he was genuinely ringing to tell me to the market as he knows I need to get that 3rd booking. I just don't trust him. He probably chatted with his parents and convinced them to put the set in their car so he can pick up little miss whenever he wants. Isn't this a good thing?

I also don't know why he was asking about the dr. it was so random, he must have been speaking with someone about it and when I questioned him he covered up. This is what he does, asks questions but covers up the reason he wants to know.

When we havnt spoken a while and he rings he always speaks in a tone that shows his distaste, hes abrupt, not a friendly tone. I always respond in a nice way, ask how he is, what he's been up to and his tome changes straight away.

I feel depressed now. I don't trust his motives and I cant stand his sneaky ways. He says he is sick of arguing with his parents but he uses them to put the baby seat in their car. I feel he convicned them by saying they can take the little one out when they go out and they don't have to invite me anymore. I could be totally wrong, it's just a feeling I get. The whole thing e the question about the dr has triggered negative thiughts of what he did in the past re his ex trying to convince him to have a baby. He kept asking how much do you get, I ask everyone no one can tell me. I was thinking why on earth do you care? When the truth came out I realised his conniving ways.

Am I overthinking? can I only react negatively toward him now? Can I not see past old issues and see positives?

I feel crap again. There are so many unresolved issues and thoughts. He brings out so much negativity in me, he is so toxic to me.

cmf

Touille · ‎26-10-2016

Hey Cmf,

Obviously the inconsistent behaviour of your ex to do good is what seems to upset you. As for knowing how much you get paid from Centrelink to have a child and the Dr issue, it's not his business to know. He makes up lies to try and trick you to give him vital information, he seems cunning and manipulative.

Ask yourself, do you trust him driving with your daughter? The market is days away, is there a chance he will change his mind? Than you will be let down again. It's nice he wants to spend time with his daughter, but her safety would be a concern with him.

The only way you are going to trust him is when he starts to show consistent good behaviour patterns, that's if he ever will. You should limit contact with him when you can, he really upsets you, don't let him ruin your day or the upcoming wedding.

Take Care

Hugs,

Touille.

CMF · ‎26-10-2016

Thanks Touille,

i always think he couldn't let me down more than he has but he does. Part of me wishes I had told him not to bother coming to the wedding but I don't want to add fuel to the fire.

i can't stand his sneaky ways, I don't even want to think about it cos it aggravates me. I now realise why his mum sits there and takes his abuse, because if you argue back he manipulates it so he looks like the victim. I'm not a big fan of his mum but I feel sorry fir her, then again she raised him to be what he is.

ugh, and hexwLks around like he's such a good guy but he just wants to know everyone's business while he covers up has own and he's so good at it.

Oh well

cmf

CMF · ‎26-10-2016

I think that's why we can't get along. I've worked him out, he's pulled the wool over others' eyes who were too stupid to see the real him but I've worked it out and I think he knows it.

I'm onto his bullshit and his he ticks, he doesn't like that because he has to be the one in charge, he's nit used to someone questioning him or what he does.

smart cookie