Think about you????

[Guest_128]

How do people,your partner,children,family,friends,work associates? etc Think about you,or what do you think,they,think?

For so so so long,I always thought my thoughts were right!

These days I am finding that I have/had no flickering idea!

I will try and keep it brief

fantastic family upbringing (I think) trouble at school,always thought I was black sheep.

16 pregnant,to a married 36yr,18 married to a different AH, bashed,19 divorced,21 meet the love of my life(Italian),2 girls later, worked started business with/for husband, renovated houses manually,birthday party with every kid in class,every year, canteen,reading classes,sports, and finally private school cause I couldn't help.blah blah blah.

As the yrs go by,I have no respect from my children especially the girls,son 27,girls 19 and 16. Hardly any friends????????

Cause I call it how it is,

Comments,and actions

What would you know,you don't do anything,

You don't own this house,Dad does,you don't work.

Why is the sandwich toaster dirty,it's your job to clean it.

Where have you put my jeans.

There is nothing to eat.

Dont speak,you embrace us.

I don't need your opinion cause it's worthless.

Nobody knows what I have done.

I am sick of people thinking I am nothing

I don't even know what I'm asking

Later

[white knight]

Hi later,

Google Topic: wit, the only answer to torment- beyondblue

Wit, is not easy to obtain. Its usuallt spontaneous, quick thinking replies.

Eg when my daughter was young I ironed her school uniform. I asked "why dont you iron your own uniform" she replied "It makes me tired"

1 hour later I serve dinner but I didnt serve hers. "Where is my dinner" she asked. "You'll have to serve your own, serving every dinner makes me tired." She went to the oven and went to take her pie out of the oven but...I put a cold one in there. She said "my pie is cold". I said "yep, heating yours up would make me tired".

She took the message. Now is this is taken too far it can become a childish arguement so its important to get the message across then drop it.

But I've always believed too, in general, if you havent got your child responding correctly by 14yo then you likely wont be able to get them how you'd like them. Too late (sorry).

So, instead of demanding respect, try the odd clever comment to m as ke them realise if things were reversed it isnt nice.

eg "Why is the sandwich toaster dirty,it's your job to clean it."

Answer..."user cleans it. Use the toilet, clean it, use the shower, clean it, passenger in my car, clean it"

"There is nothing to eat."

Answer ." thats no good". (Notice how I havent made a remedy.) I didnt say "I'll go down the shop then and buy something" and they didnt ask if you could buy food, they made a statement, so reply with a statement.

"You don't own this house,Dad does,you don't work"

Answer..."well your dad and I have an agreement that he works and I'm the homemaker. If you dont respect my role equally as important as a worker then I'll have a chat to your dad along the lines of finding you alternative accommodation"

"What you'd kick me out"? Answer..."not really...you'd be forcing yourself to leave with your comments of disrespect"

It isnt easy replying to insults. Dont be afraid of saying "I'll think about what you said and answer you soon" Because you have the right to take your time to answer insulting statements.

Tony WK

[blondguy]

Hey 9names

I hope you can include me in the same club as yours with 'hardly any friends' . I have been getting used to that too 9names....It seems to be more common as we get older.....and yes it sucks.

Your kids showing no respect is an absolute pain in the rump. I have one daughter that also shows me zero respect too. I hear you loud and clear 9names.

You are doing your best as a great mum. That is all that matters right now. Your kids will come around like my daughter I hope!

To answer your question about what my friends/relatives think of me....ummmmm.....they treat me like I am 14 years old as I refuse to take life seriously. I am in my 50's lol

I watch the Simpsons to relax and listen to daggy 1980's music. Its taken me a long time but my 'care factor' for other people's thoughts of me is nearly zero now 🙂

My Best for you 9names

Paul

[Guest_128]

Thanks Tony WK,

I found your thread,(am so proud)

You are absolutely correct,I just have to learn how to do it. As with most I just don't think,I just say,like it's someone else, I have been trying to use a pause before I do speak,so hard when they just don't appreciate the things I do. I loved your examples,I laughed.

Some things I have done over the years are, throw everything on bedroom floor out the backyard,same with bathroom and yes I have cleaned and sorted them 100s of times. Now I just shut the doors.

We also used to sit at the table for meals and everyone had to say the best and worst thing for that day. Now I never dish up meals ,they all help themselves and I sit outside because I can't cope with the noise and conflict.

Thankyou to Paul, you are funny,and I feel your strength.

Later

We they were little we had so many star reward charts.