The end of a relationship is always hard, but I have lost all hope.

Boo1986 · ‎06-12-2016

Hi everyone, I suffer from Depression and Anxiety, I take my medication and see my psychologist at least once a month. I try to eat right and exercise, and catch up with friends whenever I have the energy. I have my beautiful rescue dog to keep me company and encourage me to keep active. I really try to battle against this problem, but it seems the harder I try, the more it ends up hurting.

I recently put myself out there on a dating website and got to know some wonderful people. There was one I was particularly interested in and we started dating. Everything was going so well and I felt so happy for once. Yesterday he broke up with me. I am shattered. It took so much courage for me to sign up for online dating and to let him in.

I guess I just want to hear from others that there is hope, that love exists. I would really love to hear from people that have had positive experiences and can help me fight my demons. The depression tells me to give up, that it's not worth it, that it's better just to be alone than risk getting hurt. Usually I can try to control my thoughts and not let the depression take hold but I am really struggling right now. I'd really love some positive words to try to push back all the negatives in my mind. I just can't see the positives right now. Any help would really be appreciated.

Just Sara · ‎11-03-2017

Hi there lovely Boo, and a shout out to you Kazza!

You're absolutely right...you think too much. lol The good thing about not knowing the future, is not knowing the future! Life is an adventure!

Wow, that's a lot of exclamation marks!

One day 10 yrs from now, you'll look in the mirror and say to yourself; "Where have all the yrs gone?" You don't want the answer to be..."worrying my guts out about the what-if's"

We always talk about mindfulness because not only does it work, it brings us into the 'now'. That's where life is; the moments between yesterday and tomorrow. Every action and decision creates our future. So spending it overthinking isn't creating anything except more rubbish in the grey matter.

We don't live in our heads; we live in the arms, hearts and eyes of our loved ones. When 'those words' leave your lips, it's real. That's what scares you yeah? Reality? Life's so easy when we live it in our dream-scope. We play around with it like paint on a canvas; stripping it down and starting again. No risk necessary..

Living and loving in the now takes courage; no doubt about that. Not just because it's hard, but because we're flawed. Perfection can only be attained in our minds, our dreams. That's why we love to reside there when we're scared. But let me tell you, 'nothing' can replace a gentle, exquisite kiss from the person you love...nothing!

Trying to guess what's going on in their heads creates 'crazy'. We can only know our own minds, the rest is up to them. If it works, work at it. Communicate, and most of all, ask the right questions. "How do you feel about taking things to the next level?" Then discuss it like it was matter of fact, they love that; emotions confuse (most) men.

Well, that's my rant for the day. Hope all goes well.

Kazza...great to hear your daughter's going better.

Sara

Boo1986 · ‎15-03-2017

Hi my lovely ladies,

I hope all is well 🙂

Thank-you for your perspective Sara, it is much appreciated. It is so hard to out into practice on a regular basis though. Sometimes I have moments of peace where I feel 'in the moment' but far too much of my life is worrying about the future or crying about the past.

I keep feeling like one day when my life is more calm & certain then I will find peace, but I guess all it really is, is a state of mind...

Kazzaroo · ‎18-03-2017

Hi lovely Boo 🙂 I think we are put on this earth as either a worry wart or someone that just doesnt give a damn!! Im a worry wart and I don't think it would make us the special caring people we are if we just didnt care about anything. Have you ever had that feeling (like I have) that wow this seems to be good to be true and then you start finding things or even like you are doing worrying about the future? It is sort of like sabotaging things. My motto of late has been live each day... day by day and it works well. In your case your relationship is going so well and I think in your mind because it is you might be thinking of the what ifs so just sit back and enjoy each day to the fullest and dont worry about the what ifs.....IFFFFFFFFFFF something happens one day then you will deal with it then just try not to think of it today just enjoy the moments. and dont forget Boo depression and anxiety has a lot to do with it, thats a battle in itself and you are stronger than you think. Enjoy the happiness you have right now hunni you deserve it. My daughter was doing so well but last weekend she spent the whole weekend crying in her room. I said to her you were doing so well and she said thats what you think you don't know what I am like behind closed doors. Even though she probably doesnt think it she IS a lot better than what she was at the beginning of all this. She finally got to see her psychologist on Wed the first time since this has happened (psych has been on holidays) so hopefully that will make a difference. I didnt bombard her with questions on how it went the only thing she said was her psych said to concentrate on herself. So Im just going to go with the flow and take each day as it comes...day by day. Take care Boo and big hugsssss to Holly xx

Boo1986 · ‎20-03-2017

Hi Kazz, you are right, we worry because we care, like how you are with your daughter. I'm so sorry she has had a bit of a hiccup, but yes I think she is doing better overall even if things are still tough for her. I'm so glad she was able to see her psych finally. I think that will make a big difference in the long run. You are doing a great job, just being there for her if she wants to talk abut it but not bombarding her with questions in case she doesn't, I wish my mum was like you!!!

Boo1986 · ‎27-03-2017

Hi ladies...

Well guess what... he broke up with me last night. I can't even say I am upset because I'm not. I can already predict what is going to happen. He is going to calm down and realise that he has made a big mistake, then he will feel like a fool. Then if he is too proud to apologise he will lose the best thing he ever had. And if he does apologise he will have a lot of explaining to do.

Basically this is what happened, my dad wanted to meet him so we planned a dinner with him and his 2 sons from his ex wife. We went out to dinner, my dad paid but I slipped some cash in my dads wallet. The bf didn't even offer to pay even though it was him and his 2 sons eating... quite rude if you ask me. Him and the boys come to my house and we watch a dvd, all snuggled on the couch, me, him, his boys and my dog Holly. After the movie him and his boys are getting ready to go home. Holly jumped up on his 6 year old, he got a fright and started to cry, but was fine a minute later. Within that minute, he cracks it at Holly, pushes her and swears at her. Firstly, it is not Holly's fault, she is a dog and it was an accident. So there is no point yelling at her, he would have been better off yelling at me to train her not to jump etc. Anyhow I bit my tongue because I understand he feels protective of his boys (just like I do over Holly). He goes home. The next day is spent messaging back and forth all day. I can only assume he was drinking for much of the day because some of his messages were incoherent. His main argument appears to be that I love Holly more than him. I explain that of course I do because Holly has been in my life longer (and clearly is sticking around longer too).

I don't know where all the men with brains are but this doesn't appear to be one of them. I just can't even be bothered looking anymore.

blondguy · ‎27-03-2017

Hi Boo

You are a very fortunate person Boo (Im not being sarcastic, just a realist)

There sure are some red flags happening especially with Holly being growled at (mistreated). This is just not on. Its against my ethics if anyone did that to my Prince.

Not even offering to pay when you all went to dinner.

Thats the problem with common courtesy.......its not very common

He will look back on this time and realise he has lost someone very very special

His loss (Big Time) Your Gain Boo 🙂

Nice1 on your 100 quality posts too!

my kindest thoughts

Paul

Just Sara · ‎27-03-2017

Hi Boo! (Shout out to Kazza and Paul too)

Sorry I haven't been on here much of late, I've been dealing with my own stuff and couldn't concentrate on relationships. I'm here now though and wanting to add to what's been said if that's ok.

Your scenario seems a bit difficult, especially with your beau not contributing to dinner. And as with Paul, my little dog is my long term mate and baby; no-one put's baby in a corner! (Couldn't resist that lol)

I have a couple of questions; do you love this man, and is he worth fighting for? And does he love you and think you're worth fighting for?

The reason I ask, is that relationships take a lot of hard work. As I've said, we're all flawed. I'm not trying to play devils advocate either, I'm trying to understand if this situation is the worst it's been, reflective of previous occurrences or salvageable.

I never really 'talked' with my ex husband; I couldn't as he wasn't open to it preferring to deflect with aggression or point his finger at me, and I didn't know how anyway. We'd end up yelling.

I'm nothing special, and have habits etc that annoy others; there are traits in others I sometimes find hard to cope with too. I often hear about marriages breaking down because of small things like leaving the cap off the toothpaste. Obviously this's stupid, but it is indicative of long term unexpressed resentment.

Is it possible to talk rationally about how disappointed and embarrassed you felt at dinner, your protective instincts with Holly when he yelled, and for him to tell you how frightened he was of Holly hurting his little one? Could getting things out in the open while in a calm mood and environment help to heal?

Are your comments above thru anger alone? 'Man with brains..' Actually, is that an oxymoron? lol I've got to stop doing that, sorry Paul! Eke!!

When anger recedes, what's left behind? Is there love, tolerance or forgiveness?

Maybe I am playing devils advocate...just sayin'. It's ok if you want to yell at me.

Warm hug...Sara x

Boo1986 · ‎27-03-2017

Thanks Paul,

I'm glad you understand and I'm not being a crazy person. I love Holly and view it as my duty to stick up for her and protect her... perhaps even more so than with a child because animals can't speak for themselves. I think the men in my life so far are just a bit slow. I know myself very well and know that I could not care less if someone compliments or insults me, but I lose it if someone insults my dog... and melt like butter if someone compliments my dog. I had a profile on a dating website that said just that, like a guide book for anyone trying to impress me... I couldn't make it anymore easy!! I don't know how he couldn't figure out that swearing at my dog would majorly upset me!!

Im not crazy, am I?

blondguy · ‎27-03-2017

No way at all Boo!

Ive had to show a girlfriend 'the door' after she did the same to a Alaskan Malamute I used to have.

You are a strong and independent kind hearted person Boo.

Just ignore Sara lol. She couldnt resist those simple little words 'Man with Brains' and couldnt help herself 😉

Just opinion but I dont the red flags you mentioned especially with Holly. Unacceptable.

kindest

Paul

Boo1986 · ‎27-03-2017

Hi Sara,

I always love hearing from you whenever yo are well enough to write.. I get a little concerned if I haven't heard from you in a while just in case you are not okay.

I guess I have to be completely honest with myself and say no, I did not love him. He said he loved me and was a bit upset at me for not saying it back. Eventually I said it just to make him feel better, but I did not feel it. Honestly I don't think he is worth fighting for as he has been very needy and I feel like I have been there for him much more than he has been for me. I seek a relationship where things are equal, or even if not perfectly equal (I don't want to be keeping tabs) but at least fair.

I don't think he thinks I am worth fighting for either as this was (in my opinion) a relatively small argument and with little provocation at all his solution was "I'll drop your stuff off at your door in the morning". I want to be with someone who is prepared to work a little harder than that. Someone who males me feel secure.

Sara, you are special to me.