The end of a relationship is always hard, but I have lost all hope.

[Boo1986]

Hi everyone, I suffer from Depression and Anxiety, I take my medication and see my psychologist at least once a month. I try to eat right and exercise, and catch up with friends whenever I have the energy. I have my beautiful rescue dog to keep me company and encourage me to keep active. I really try to battle against this problem, but it seems the harder I try, the more it ends up hurting.

I recently put myself out there on a dating website and got to know some wonderful people. There was one I was particularly interested in and we started dating. Everything was going so well and I felt so happy for once. Yesterday he broke up with me. I am shattered. It took so much courage for me to sign up for online dating and to let him in.

I guess I just want to hear from others that there is hope, that love exists. I would really love to hear from people that have had positive experiences and can help me fight my demons. The depression tells me to give up, that it's not worth it, that it's better just to be alone than risk getting hurt. Usually I can try to control my thoughts and not let the depression take hold but I am really struggling right now. I'd really love some positive words to try to push back all the negatives in my mind. I just can't see the positives right now. Any help would really be appreciated.

[Just Sara]

Hey Kazz; (and shout out to Boo!)

I'm sorry for not responding before now. I voluntarily admitted myself into a psych facility and only just came home. It was worth every second of being away from my loved ones and especially my little companion dog.

Thankyou for the wonderful expressive story of who you are. It was a breath of fresh air to read of the beauty and love in your family and, the way you overcame mental health issues. Am I envious much? Um...is the Pope Catholic??? (One flew over the cookoo's nest! I laughed when I read that)

With your daughter; has she seen the movie 'He's Just Not That Into You'? Boy, it opened my eyes to some home truths! If the tables were turned, would she keep someone holding on or tell them it's over and walk away? Reverse psychology sometimes does the trick.

Maybe you could organize a male friend to complain about someone pining over them and not going away? (In front of your daughter) You know, talk-up the intrusion and inconvenience of being chased (using the word 'stalked') by a woman.

I know these suggestions sound pretty severe, but life requires it sometimes. I think the first stage of grief is denial? There's some great info on the net about these stages you may want to discuss with your daughter.

Re your need for everyone to be happy. No-one learns without pain; like putting our hand on a hotplate, we never do it again.

Hey Boo!

Gotta fella?! Kudos and congrat's. So happy for you, slow and steady wins the race yeah? It couldn't have happened to a nicer person. Wishing you all my best...you go girl!!!

Kind thoughts...

Sara

[Boo1986]

Hi Sara and Kazz,

Wondering what the latest is with your daughter Kazz, any improvements or developments? I am really hoping that she is feeling better 🙂

Sara you went to a psych facility? So brave! Good on you! Glad to hear it went well and you felt it was valuable. What was it like? I had an 'incident' where the hospital was planning to admit me but I protested and bargained and said whatever it took so that they would let me go home because I was terrified of going... I guess I didn't know what it would be like and the only info I have to go on comes from horrible movies where the patients are treated terribly and come out worse than when they arrived. I know this is just Hollywood trying to be entertaining but I think it creates a shocking representation of mental health facilities and sends the wrong message. How are you feeling now? Is there anything I can do? Always here to help or just listen or whatever you need. It is awful to think of people suffering alone and it is not much but at least knowing somebody cares and is thinking of you can really help (it has certainly helped me in my darkest hours).

You two are lovely, I really enjoy hearing from you.

Boo

[Kazzaroo]

Hey Sara....so proud of you hun for taking that step that you felt you obviously needed. Not sure of all of your story but do you suffer from depression? When I was going through my mental issues I didnt have the depression I had the bad panic attacks/anxiety. Back then there wasnt as much awareness of it all and the help wasnt like it is today so I had to hit it head on by myself which I do feel has made me a stronger person. For many years I would turn and run from the situations I was in. Things as simple as doing the grocery shopping and I would start having an anxiety attack and out I would run leaving the trolley in the aisle. I spent many years of but what if? what if this happens? what if that happens? and then one day I just turned all those what if's around....and said ok well what IF you fainted in the shop? and I would say well if you fainted then some nice person would come and pick you up and help you out....I couldnt go on a bus and I would say well why are you pressuring yourself about that when you drive and don't need to go on a bus anyway? (I can go on a bus now though)....when I went to crowded concerts or conferences I would sit on an aisle seat to feel comfortable and I would say to myself well whats wrong with that? and now I can sit in the middle of a crowded aisle. I pushed down that brick wall that I would be blocked by and just accepted IF something happens to me when I had an anxiety attack then there is always help...and guess what? nothing ever happened to me...its just getting over that fear of fear. Now I can stand in front of a room of people and give a speech, I stood up in front of 150 people and gave a euology at my friends funeral a couple of months ago. I mean it sounds easy when you type it out like this but it takes work AND you can come out of it all. Everyone has normal anxiety and feelings that come with it some of us its just a lot more than others. Using my breathing techniques and the "shrugs shoulders" if something happens it happens (and it never has). That fear of the fear of something happening can be so cruel and life changing.....so I kicked that fear to the side and didnt fight with it anymore and it definately has left me in a better place today. As I said so proud of you hunni to get that help...stay strong...and keep being the wonderful person you are Sara 🙂

xx Kazz xx

[Kazzaroo]

Hi Boo glad to hear from you too hun. I think unfortunately its still a very long road ahead for my daughter. Not sure there is much more I can do or say now everything I suggest or say isnt what she wants to hear. Just going to take it one day at a time. She spent all last week texting him to want to get together but she said she wasnt going to chat anything about "them" or the relationship but just wanted to have a meal and a laugh with him to show him what he is missing. He agreed to get together then kept pulling out and making excuses. Then she opened up to him via text on the weekend saying how much it hurts and how much she loves him and he just said see!!! that is why we cant get together because your feelings are too strong for me. She said to him that everyone says how beautiful she is on the outside and inside and he said its true you are. Then it starts spinning again in her mind well why doesnt he want me? She said to him what am I supposed to do when I love you so much. He said take a step back and dont message me all the time. Over the time he has been saying things that has given her hope. But its been 2 and a half months now and if he was going to miss her and want her back it would have happened by now. He just adds new girls on facebook all the time and he says to her he doesnt want a relationship so I dont know what he wants. He told her the girls arent anything so for her not to stress, but Im sure he is just saying that to her? *shrugs* who knows!! She was angry tonight and was calling him lots of nasty things tonight that would have made a sailor blush but I know that when she wakes up tomorrow she will be crying and wanting him back. OMG if he ever DOES get in a relationship I don't know how she is going to cope. Im just taking it day by day with her at this stage thats all I can do. I know for a fact that she can find someone way better than this guy I mean yes he was always nice to her but he didnt think romantically off his own head and isnt one to do PDA and this being my daughters first boyfriend she has no idea how good you can be REALLY treated. She has a psychologist appointment in a couple of weeks (took forever to get an appointment) so fingers crossed she gains something from that. But even though she wouldnt feel it she has done amazingly for what she has been through. She has promised me she wont text him now so hope she keeps that promise. Hows life going for you Boo? xx Kazz xx

[Boo1986]

Oh dear, I really feel for her. I know her motivation is Love and that is beautiful... I can't say the same for his motivations, it seems pretty clear to me that he just wants to keep his options open... I hope for her sake that she can do the same. It is still pretty common that men are expected to have quite a few partners while women are expected to be true to one person and shamed if they go out and find happiness and fun. There is nothing wrong with a woman who knows what she wants and has the guts to go out and get it. I envisage one day your daughter will be a strong and independent woman, and if she wants a man, she will find someone who loves, respects and values her. It will be a slow process, but she will get there 🙂

Things are going well for me, I have been very busy at work (which is stressful but also keeps my mind active and encourages good routines) and recently took a trip interstate to see my sister and nearly 1 year old niece. I even taught her to say "Boo" 🙂 that made me very happy!!

The relationship with the new man is progressing nicely. We have been discussing the future and seem to be heading in the same direction and wanting the same things. He has done some very nice & thoughtful things eg surprising me on his day off by bringing me lunch at work, it was very cute and made me feel special.

Yesterday marked 1 year since Sarge (in my picture) passed away. I made it into a happy day by giving Holly (my rescue dog) all the love in my heart. I figure if there is a life after this one and Sarge can still see me he it would make him happy to see the love I have for him is not going to waste. I went home for lunch and played games with Holly, then after work we went for a drive to the dog park and she made some doggy friends, then we went home and had cuddles and some treats 🙂 I am so glad to have her, I don't know how I would have coped without her...

How are you doing with all the worries you feel, obviously it is your daughter's situation but the stress will be taking it's toll on you and you have your own life to deal with too. I hope you are managing. Always here if you need to talk about anything 🙂

[Kazzaroo]

Hey Boo!! You just put a huge smile on my face because I can feel and sense the contentment in your post 🙂 and yes I would say it has a lot to do with the new man in your life. I am so happy for you and it sounds like your communication between each other is great....and even better that you both seem to have the same ideas and goals in life. Im feeling really good in myself and today Im feeling a lot more hopeful of the future for my daughter. I even overheard her say to her brother tonight that she didnt really care anymore about her ex......I have a feeling thats not completely true but a few weeks ago those words would have NEVER come out of her mouth..so for her to even vocalise it for me is a few BIG steps forward. She has her first psychologist appointment in a couple of weeks its the first time shes been back since this all happened (her psychologist has been on holidays). I am sure that one day in the future she is going to have someone else come into her life and sweep her off her feet and she will think oh WOW and I thought the ex was the best thing ever.......he is nothing compared to what is out there and what can be. Awww at it being a year since you lost beautiful Sarge it is heartbreaking when we lose our loved members of our family and how lucky Holly is to have such a beautiful pawsome mum like you 🙂 xx Kazz xx

[Boo1986]

Hey Kazz, I'm so glad to have made you smile, and to hear your daughter is making some progress. Yes I think you are right, even being able to say that she doesn't care about him anymore is a big step forward!! She is definitely on the right path 🙂 I think things will move ahead even further when she has a chance to see her psych, it's always a good time to reflect and re-assess. It can change her perspective and hopefully help he to focus on making herself happy and looking after herself. You have done well to support her and help her make it this far 🙂 I hope she knows how much you love her!!

The guy I am seeing has 2 sons as he was married previously. Over the weekend his youngest told me he loves me, it was so cute!! They are good boys, little sweethearts!!

[Kazzaroo]

Hey Boo!! Im feeling rather content at the moment my daughter seems so much better. She even deleted all his messages from her phone and hasn't made contact with him for over a week now (I hope she is telling me the truth she promised she hasnt and she usually tells me when she has). She is starting to see negative things about him in the way he is acting now saying he is nearly 30 and acting so immature in things that he is doing and she reckons he has changed a lot. I think she is losing those STRONG feelings for him and she does seem so much happier and she doesnt sit down and talk about him much anymore. So all good signs 🙂 Awwwww at the little fella saying he loves you...thats a HUGE thing for a little one to say when you arent actually mum and they do tell the truth. That says a lot about YOU that you are a wonderful person and he can see that in you as well and that must have made your partner smile as well. I understand with all the heartbreak you have had in the past could be making you hold back a bit but try and not hold back too much it sounds like he is the right one and the one that is meant to be in your life. So happy for you xx Kazz xx

[Boo1986]

I'm so glad for you Kazz, and for your daughter. I'm sure one day this guy will realise what he lost and come crawling back, but by that time your daughter won't want him back at all!!

I'm trying slowly to open up... I don't want to get hurt again but I am finding it hard to let go. I just have self preservation on the back of my mind constantly, and fear the instant I let my guard down will be the same moment I get my heart broken again. So much is going on in my head that I can't even tell what my real thoughts are. For example I am thinking to myself if we broke up it would be okay because then it would go back to being just me and Holly and thats all good with me. And then I wonder, is that how I really feel or am I just trying to think this way so I won't be upset if we break up?

Hehe maybe I just think too much altogether...

[Kazzaroo]

Hey Boo!! I didnt think it would have been like it is in our household for a long time yet.....but things are doing good, my daughter seems to be happy and very rarely talks about the ex, she hasnt contacted him for a couple of weeks now and it used to be where she couldnt wait to go to the sporting club on a Sat night just to see him NOW she hasnt gone for a couple of weeks and said she doesnt want to go because she doesnt want to see HIM. She said he has changed he is going out with young guys and getting drunk and living the single life like he said he wanted. I'm sure there will still be hard days (if he ever gets another g/f) but its getting better day by day. It's normal for you to feel hesitant with opening up and wanting to protect your heart. But not every relationship and guy is the same as others and this one your with I think is in the "good" batch. Even though you are opening up slowly I'm sure you are opening up more than you realise. Try not to think of the past and the heartache think of the present and how happy this relationship makes you. I think when we go through heartache it does make us tougher. Of course you would be upset if you broke up its a normal feeling for anyone BUT!!!!!! you can say in your mind that I have been through this before and I can get through it again. I think that is what you are getting confused about just having that protecting vice in your heart and mind BUT I say go for it....open up and enjoy every moment in your relationship and IF...and I mean IFFFFF something does happen and it comes to an end you are strong enough now to get through it you have proven that and Holly will always be by your side. Don't hold back just enjoy!! xx Kazz xx