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testing times

Community Member

hi guys - this is my first time posting .

have been married for 12 amazing years, my wife and I have two fantastic kids together . we run a successful business together as well. at this point I do want to point out that I think my wife is amazing , she to me is stunning I wold not have it any other way.

We are a normal couple, we have our ups and downs. I always make a effort for her every night , tell her I love her , kiss her good night , I dress up make myself smell good look good , do as much as I can in the household etc I take the initicive to buy her flowers and make a effort in the relationship. My parents brought me up to be a gentleman , I respect people and would never put myself into a situation that jeopardises my relationship.

my wife has always been happy , always with a smile , likes a cuddle etc. this week something happened and I have no idea what I have done wrong. in the morning she was very happy she went off to her hairdresser appointment came back looking amazing as always I complement her , then in the afternoon boom massive mood swing. at this point I must add that she is iron deficient, but over years I learnt to manage this. I know that has partially to do with her behaviour. but she has said to me the following day that I am always in her face, she was snappy at the kids, I say goodbye to her I say I love you , I get nothing , I try to kiss her I get a non passionate kiss (peck) even worse the following day after a great day at work all happy and smiling I help her by carrying her stuff to the car, say goodbye bend in for a kiss she reacts and tells me she feels like she trapped . I felt shocked as it was a normal thing we did in the past for many years being a loving couple . anyway I put more stuff in the car and she says bye gives me a peck.

at work It got cold she had goosebumps I said come here ill warm you up, ready for a cuddle she kinda leaned in no arms awkard cuddle. I know I sounds like I am reading too much into it. but is very out of character for her

I will say I have backed off since she started behaving the way she has been im trying to focus on my kids more and try to dismiss the behaviour in my head. as I said its completely out of character. i'm trying to stay positive around her. but underneath im feeling like she does not want to be with me. she has said that she loves me sometimes but there seems something really a miss.

I am really hoping that it pans out and its nothing

2 Replies 2

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome

I think backing off is a good thing to do at the moment.

We sometimes yreat our partner the way we'd like to be treated but that isnt always correct. Trying too hard could be the problem, which would be sad because many partners suffer from neglect, not complements and love.

I have to mention however, the slightest possibility of her finding another love intetest or just going through a bad patch with reconsidering her relationship with you. At this point discount nothing.

I'd make an appointment with Relationships Australia. If she wont go then still attend yourself.

Extending your love should be a good thing. Perhaps she needs some space.


Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Tony, it's disappointing when this may happen in a marriage or relationship, but you were brought up to be a gentleman and you have shown this.

The strange fact is that with any MI, everything could be travelling along beautifully but for some unknown reason a spouse or partner can suddenly change, not by what you have or haven't done, but a particular type of depression may just appear and there maybe no reason why.

You can determine whether this has happened, if her sleep, eating habits or the many other changes may have suddenly changed, so can you ask her to go and see her doctor as she needs to be evaluated.

It may also help that you do the same or as Tony has said relationship counselling.

Hope we can hear back from you.

Best wishes.