Terrified about having a baby. Not happy like I feel I should be

[skye1]

I am 15 weeks pregnant and terrified. I don’t feel connected with my pregnancy, I’m reluctant to want to tell people. I find myself wishing I would just miscarry so I don’t have to go through feeling like this. I feel guilty that I feel this way and it breaks my heart. I am terrified thinking about if I will be a good mother, terrified that my child won’t be a good person, terrified that my partner will leave if I don’t look the same after having our baby, terrified my job will replace me and I’m left struggling and unable to help provide . Just terrified. I feel guilty that I should be over the moon but I’m not just emotionless and scared

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hey buddy 🙂 Your feelings are valid and more common than you think. I had all the same worries after finding out I was pregnant. I don't believe there is a way that we "should" feel so please don't feel guilty for feeling the way that you do. Are you able to share your feelings with your partner?

[Larlar]

Hi skye1 . Your concerns are normal but please give yourself a chance . You will be a good mother . A job really is just that. a job . They won't replace you so no need to stress . I feel like most people are scared especially with their first bubba. Talk to your partner if you can . I found the body imagine thing hard too and felt like he might not find me attractive after but after having my bubba's those fears went away . When I found out I was pregnant I too was worried about raising good little people , scared I would ruin them some how but my dad told me "tell them there good and they will be good" . It's the best advice I was given.

Hope you find this helpful . Stay strong

[quirkywords]

Skye,

As. Katy and Larlar have written, it Is natural to be worried when pregant.

nowadays there is so much pressure on mothers to be with so much information.

Can you get support from your mother, your sister , or a friend..

Ii wonder is there something that helps you relax like music or meditation or mindfulness.

Feel free to post here when you like.?

Quirkyb

[Juliet_84]

Hi Skye1,

The body goes through an enormous amount of changes when pregnant, both physical but also hormonal. These hormonal changes can have a profound effect on your mood and cause a great deal of anxiety. You are also going through a period of great change and uncertainty and feel understandably vulnerable. But all of the worries that you describe, worried that you won’t be a good mother, terrified that your child won’t be a good person, indicate to me that you will be a great mother because you are worried about your baby’s welfare. If you don’t mind my asking, what were the circumstances of your pregnancy - was this planned between you and your partner? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, I’m just trying to figure out if there may be any underlying reasons that may be contributing to the anxiety. I would also encourage you to do some things to help you bond with your baby if you haven’t, such as sing and talk to it, rub and massage your belly, and allow you some time to reflect such as take baths, or do things together like a aquarobics class. Also talk with your GP as they can help you with tips as well. You are also only 15 weeks pregnant so it’s completely understandable for you to not feel bonded at this stage, but give yourself time and be gentle with yourself. Xx

[Nurse_Jenn]

Hi Skye1,

Just wanted to drop in and say hello and let you know, as others have stated, that your feelings are valid and they are normal. You are not alone. Experiencing pregnancy can be very overwhelming for many people. You worry is really common but despite this there are supports out there that you can access.

I can use myself as an example as I had an unexpected pregnancy at a later (older) age and was shocked. I felt really out of touch with the pregnancy initially as was very career focused. I absolutely refused to tell a soul except my partner until at least 18 weeks as I was sure (in my head) something would be abnormal or I would miscarry due to my age. Except everything kept coming back normal and then at 17 weeks, I told family (which made it feel real). I felt a flutter, randomly bought a little teddy bear on my lunch break and then I popped out and everyone knew I was pregnant. Bubs was sticking out and there was no hiding her. And then out of no where at all, I was like ....WOW... I am going to be a mummy to a small human. And I thought about all the things I could show her and teach her and experience. It was a shift.

What I am trying to describe is that acceptance is a unique process for everyone. It took me sometime until I felt comfortable in my pregnancy and even then, I still felt a bit disconnected with the fact that I was going to have a baby.

For most even the most prepared woman, it can be a surprise in how they experience a pregnancy.

You will find many stories here on the forum, but if you are not getting enough support here, I might suggest that you visit a website called PANDA (Perinatal Anxiety and Depression Australia) at this webpage https://www.panda.org.au/info-support/during-pregnancy  They have resources for people with worry both before and after you give birth and they also have a support number 1300 726 306

I encourage you to be kind to yourself and talk to those around you, continue to reach out here, or contact your GP or PANDA. You are not alone. We are listening.

Wishing you the best possible outcome,

Nurse Jenn

[Bee76]

Hi Skye1, I'm so glad you posted this. I've just found out I'm pregnant (mid 40's), it's my first pregnancy and while my partner is thrilled I just cant help but hope I will miscarry. Everyone who posted in this thread to help you has helped me in a little way. Thank you for sharing.

[quirkywords]

Bee76

welcome to the forum and thanks for writing on this thread.

Congratulations and I hope it all works out weel for you. Feel free to post here os start your own thread if you want to.

quirky