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jords22
Community Member
My parents have been divorced for close to 15 years. They think they have a good relationship but from my point of view they don't. I live with my Mum since my dad left my mum for another women. After he left he didn't want anything to do with us children (i have an older sister and younger brother). After a couple of years of being MIA he decided he wanted back in our lives and Mum didn't object to that. He saw us every other weekend but his girlfriend was still in the picture. I never liked the girlfriend, she always tried to be my mum and i had no interest in her taking on that role. Dad and i had a big blow up over my dislike for her but we worked out our issues. A couple years passed and they broke up anyways. Dad was single for maybe a year or so then moved on to the next girl. Whilst he was single he was much more present in our lives and actually enjoyed spending time with us. His current girlfriend didn't start off too bad, but as the relationship has continued she has brought her daughter into our lives. I didn't have an issue with this initially but as the daughter got more involved in my dad's life my hate for them grew. Dad was a much better father to her than he ever was to us. Dad never came to any school events and even missed my sister's graduation because he couldn't be bothered. This started to drive a wedge between my father and I. I had always hated watching dad be with other women cause all i remember of him being with my mum was him treating her terribly, verbally abusing her almost every night of the week. But then i see him with these other women; being very sweet and romantic, and i wonder why he wasn't or couldn't be like that with my mother and maybe if he was then they would still be together. As i wanted to have a relationship with my dad, i always make the effort every second week or so (when we both have time) to have a lunch with him. Our most recent lunch ended terribly. It ended with him saying to "F*** off and that he never wants to F***ing see me again". He shouted at me for over an hour, dropping the F bomb every second word calling me a names in the middle of a restaurant. I don't know what i am supposed to do or how i am supposed to bounce back from this. What if that is the last time i ever see him again
1 Reply 1

RandR
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
Hi @jords22 and thanks for reaching out and sharing your situation,

I'm Raman and can say you are not alone. My parents have been divorced for 15 years as well (when I was 18, I'm 33 now) and my father had an affair and simply packed up a suitcase and fled the country with all the money and didn't even say goodbye to myself, my two sisters, or my mum whom he was married to for over 25 years. This triggered my depression and taught me very early in life that life, at times, isn't fair.

What I can say is that It made me and my family stronger, eventually. Everything happens for a reason and like you, I wish the affair never happened however, when two people are no longer in love and the relationship lacks what it needs to grow, it's best that people move on instead of living a lie. Another possible reason of your dad efforting more with his girlfriends daughter is because perhaps he realised himself and acknowledged that he didn't show enough interest with your childhood and is learning as time goes on. We are never to old to learn and try to improve ourselves.

I'm sorry to hear that the relationship between your father and you has gone down this path, I haven't seen my father nor heard from him in over 11 years. I find that when people are in a heightened emotional state, they tend to say things they don't really mean and will use you as a scape goat to take out their frustrations. Perhaps give it time like I did and let life and fate takes it course. If you feel like you are fighting an uphill battle, then perhaps stop trying to fight the battle for now and let the battle come to you (only without the verbal abuse and unkind comments etc).

Stay strong, don't give up, and try allowing some space and time. I don't feel this will be the last time you see your dad however the only thing that will prove that is 'time'.

All the best, I hope my response helps you and happy to talk and here if you need 🙂

Kind regards,

Raman 🙂