Irrational Boyfriend-confused

[JuliaB]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 5 years and in the last few months things have been quite difficult and a lack of communication has been a huge factor. He suffers from depression but doesn't talk about it very much. Out of the blue he broke up with me but still wants to see me every week and talk every day. The break up was very irrational and his reasoning was about me kissing someone else almost 4 years ago, which he can't seem to get over even though he forgave me and I did everything to make the situation better. He keeps telling me that I did nothing wrong and that he himself can't deal with it. I am confused why this was suddenly brought up again when we put it in the past. I have offered everything I could to help with him coping after finding out such as taking time apart, talking about the issue, etc. He tells me he still loves me and wants me in his life but he can't be in the relationship. I feel like he is too scared to talk about the real reason he can't be in the relationship and is taking something from a long time ago as an excuse. Every time I talk to him I notice that he hasn't thought about the consequence of the break up- he doesn't realise that we can't be talking or seeing each other anymore. We both still love each other and I want to be with him, but I don't know how to go about this? I am scared if I distance myself from him too much that he won't want anything to do with me anymore. Should I give it time and let him know that I am always going to be here waiting or is that too forceful?

[BballJ]

Hi JuliaB,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

These situations are always difficult, there could be a few reasons why is using that as a reason to break up with you but by the sounds of what you have written he doesn't really want a break up. Many posts I have read on here similar to these, most of the time the person who breaks it off wants nothing to do with that person anymore, in this case he still wants to see you and talk to you every day. I think you just need to keep being there for him and re-assuring him you will continue to be there for him as you want to still be with him.

Is he currently seeking any professional help for his depression?

You could also read the supporting someone section on these forums which may give you some insights into supporting someone with a mental illness, simply go to the top of this page and under a section called "The facts" there is a supporting someone section, click that and have a read if you want.

My best for you,

Jay

[awrinkle_in_time]

Hi JuliaB , being in a relationship for 5 years is a great effort ..its worth the effort to get past this glitch . Love , trust and respect are the things we need to get real strong in our relationships .. go to him with empathy .. he might be running cause he's unsure and scared ..