Struggling 5 months post breakup

[purrfect]

Hi all. My bf broke up with me 5 months ago and I’m still struggling to recover. Most mornings I wake up and think about him and everything that went wrong. I also think what am I doing here, what’s the point, and feel very fearful about the future without him. I don’t understand the fear as I know I’m not in physical danger and that I should feel more calm now that I don’t need to worry whether or not he wants to be with me anymore (as he’s obviously made that decision clear to me). I’ve tried keeping up exercising and making friends but my energy has dropped and I feel like I can’t be bothered anymore. 

[purrfect]

I should also have said that I have been single most of my adult life and am scared that I’m never going to have a long term (over one year) relationship. So keep wanting to message my ex and see if he misses me too and would want to try again even though I know it’s a bad idea. 

[Justwalkinghome]

Have you heard about attachment theory? It's basically (and this is SUCH an oversimplification) the idea that the way our parents were with us impacts on our love relationships, and that we use romantic relationships to play out those stories. 

From what you are saying, the 'fear' is anxious attachment, and it comes from the idea that if he doesn't love you, no-one will again, and if no-one loves you, you are in danger, because there is no one to take care of you. 

Do some reading and some research, and try and find some ways to be that calm person for yourself. 

I'm sorry, I know it's very hard.