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Step kids driving a big wedge between us

Community Member
I dont know if my relationship is entering its final stages just yet but we are facing some huge obstacles at the moment, mostly surrounded by time spent with his 4 kids and the fact we just never seem to be on the same page.

He has 5 kids from a previous relationship, I have 1 from a previous relationship and we have one together

They have not been in our life for the majority of our relationship (4 years) It has only been in the last 12 months they have visited regularly.

Since the start of last year, he seems to be putting their needs above anything else. I have tried to be patient and understanding but now a year on I have had enough. I have tried to discuss this with him, talk, make a point of involving each other in decisions about them, and trying to split time between everyone as fair as its hard when we are a family of 8. He just seems hell bent on when he wants to see them, he sees them regardless of what is going on at the time. He made a critical error in the beginning when he left me in a really emotional state to go and pick them up and Im not sure I've recovered ever since. Just after some advice.

1 Reply 1

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion
Hi Harley,

Step parenting problems are very common. It's no good comparing step families as every situation is unique.

The problems can consist of-

Parent replacement

E.g. the situation you briefly mentioned that when in a highly emotional state he still went as planned to collect his children. It's a tough one because his first responsibility is to his children. His kids are expecting him at a certain time as is the kids mother etc he would feel torn between you and his kids. Your role is to remove that feeling of him being torn imo. Adults have to take the back seat with childten in general and that in itself is hard to endure.

I would suggest family counseling.

Here is a post on the topic