Is there a condition that causes someone to not be able to move on from situations? *Trigger warning - suicidal thoughts*

[veruca_boi]

Hey guys,

My housemate and I have been going through some battles the past 6 years with Council and other bodies, and while it has affected my depression severely (I have considered suicide more times in the past 6 years than I had in the 33 years prior), my housemate, who has learning disabilities, is literally unable to move on from what we are going through. I'm ready and willing to just give up the fight and "accept" (for the lack of a better word) the way things are, just to protect my mental health, but my housemate is constantly raising the battles we are going through, and repeating himself multiple times. Every time we get an email about one issue, it opens the floodgates for everything else to be discussed. We are constantly fighting, and are contemplating selling our house to move, because this seems like the only way he can move on.

I have suggested that he go see a psychologist to talk about what we are going through, but he doesn't see the point if they can't do anything to change the situation. He might feel better after talking to someone, but nothing will be resolved.

He can't accept that the system is not perfect, and wants to fight until things are changed, or issues are resolved. I have asked him "what if things never change, and you never get the answers you want?", to which he has essentially said he will never move on.

Is there a condition that my housemate might have, which is causing him to not be able to move on?

[uncut_gems]

Hi veruca_boi,

Welcome to the forums! We're happy to have you and glad that you thought to post here when you needed some help. This sounds like a really stressful situation that has taken an emotional toll on you, your housemate, and your relationship to one another. While I can't diagnose your friend and I totally agree with your decision to help him see a psychologist, there are lots of reasons people become fixated on certain things and repeat them over and over. I definitely have an obsessive personality and fixate on things that are of interest to me, but also have a hard time letting small things go. It's likely that because this issue has been so all-consuming, it's even more difficult for your housemate to move on– especially if there has been a genuine injustice.

This is one of those tricky situations though where the line between getting the right mental health care and "giving in" or "giving up"– in your case capitulating to the Council– is blurry. However, I think it's worth pointing out to your friend that ruining his own mental health won't help you continue fighting and that there is no victory in making yourself sick. It also sounds like you have been focusing a lot on your friend despite your own struggles. Can I ask if you have talked to a mental health professional about your suicidal thoughts?

Warmly,

Gems

[veruca_boi]

Hi Gem,

Thanks for your post. To answer your question, I have sought counselling for my suicidal thoughts ... work even called an ambulance on me in 2017 due to suicidal thoughts at work. Due to this, I needed to get counselling to be able to return to work. I probably need to go back to Counselling ...

We are considering moving, but we need a house that will work from us. After yesterday, he is ready to move and give up on all our battles and be happy, but it's a matter of finding the right home. We don't want something that we will be "ok" with. We need something we will be happy in.

[uncut_gems]

Hi veruca_boi,

It sounds like from what you are saying that getting set up with counseling will be the most solid next step you can take for yourself and your life, and will also enable to you help better care for your housemate. If you ever feel that you are in need of some more immediate help, please feel free to call Lifeline Australia (13 11 14) or the Suicide Callback Service (1300 659 467), or chat online to Beyond Blue.

I know this isn't the outcome either of you wanted, but I imagine you feel some relief that your friend is ready to move on from this long and difficult battle you have fought together. I wish you the best of luck in finding the right home. Are you feeling any better or worse now than when you first posted?

Thinking of you.

Gems

[veruca_boi]

Feeling a little better, but that's mainly because we have put in an application to VCAT, which means we can't do much until we hear back with a date and so forth, and today we went op shopping to get our minds off things. Got some friends coming over tomorrow too, so that will help as well 🙂

I'll definitely consider looking into counselling again. Thanks again for your support

[uncut_gems]

Hi veruca_boi,

Glad to hear you're feeling a little better– retail therapy and good company for the win! Always here for you on the forums.

All best,

Gems