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Split up

Community Member
My wife of 21 years went away for a 2 weeks back to see her father in the UK. Her step brother who she has met twice before was also staying there as his wife had recently left him. When she came back she told me that she wasnt in love with me anymore, that I didnt listen and I didnt make her happy. She would complain at me probably every six months that I wasnt passionate enough and I would try for a few days but it never seemed enough. We were both busy with work as well and bringing up 2 children. A week after she told me that she wasnt in love with me, she told me that she was in love with the step brother and that after a day together would shake when he walked in the room. She is moving out and going back to see him in the UK again for a bit with the plan he comes out here permanently later. I'm absolutely devastated as I deeply love her. She wont go to marriage counselling and is actively looking for a rental. It seems like she had a husband off switch one day....it was so sudden to me. To me she is having a mid life crisis but I dont seem to be able to do anything about it. If I touch her she pulls away. Its broken my heart.
2 Replies 2

Summer Rose
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Busterbruno

Welcome to bb and thank you for sharing your story. I can imagine it was a difficult post to write but I hope it helped to get it out.

I'm so sorry for your pain and saddness. Your wife's actions certainly seem quite drastic and the sudden change must have been quite a shock. I can understand fully why your heart is broken and how much that must hurt.

I don't think you have much choice except to let this run its course, as hard as that may be. The important thing is to look after yourself and your children. I'm sure they must be shocked and confused too.

It may help for you to seek counselling to work through your grief and other emotions. Your GP can help you to organise this. Do you have family and friends to support you? Now is the time to reach out, if that's possible.

Try to take one day at a time.

Kind thoughts to you

Community Champion
Community Champion


I too welcome you to the voruim Tthis is a friendl andI supportive place.

Summer rose has given a supportive reply I won’t repeat what she wrote .

A cousin of mine, found out his wife after 35 years marriage was leaving him for aman she met while doing tai chi. He was in shock like you and said the hardest thing was waiting.

It is so hard for you and it must be confusing. I can see you love this woman and feeel frrsttrated you can’t change her behaviour.

Please look after yourself and your children.