Sister obsessed about my psychologist

[MannyOrtego]

Hi, I have been undergoing therapy with my psychologist for anxiety for a while, and just recently started doing exposure therapy. I had a massive anxiety flare up a few months ago, I realised now after calming down that a large part of it was due to my sister trying to control me and gaslight/trigger me(we are both adults).

I cut off contact with my sister shortly after the flare up occurred. A couple of days ago she saw my car parked outside my psychologist's office and stuck a note on my windscreen. I saw it after my appointment and, I decided to go over to her house and say hi.

Everything went fine until she started asking me about what I was doing at the psychologist. She started pushing me for information about which psychologist I was seeing, what I had told the psychologist, and whether I had told th psychologist anything about her. I basically told her that it was private and that I didn't want her knowing the things I spoke about. She started listing off the names of psychologists that work in that office, and asking "Is it person X? Is it person Y" and I kept telling her that I wasn't going to say. She said "You know I am going to find all this out anyway, right?"

She is a nurse in a hospital and has previously been able to somehow look up some of my pathology results, even showing me the printed copy. So it worries me that she might somehow be able to access other things about me?

Today, 2 days later, she messaged my brother and told him to answer a message she sent me. I had blocked her, but I thought maybe it was something important and so I unblocked her and asked what was up. She started questioning me again about names and details.

I am a bit worried about this as she is not respecting my boundaries and keeps pushing it even after I have told her no. What should I do? Is it possible that she (a nurse) might be able to access any of my information from the hospital she works at?

Sorry if some of this is hard tor read, I am writing it on mobile.

[geoff]

Hello MannyOrtego, and a warm welcome.

If your sister does happen to find out the name of your psychologist won't matter because they are bound to keep your information private, so she won't be able to find out what has been discussed.

It might be appropriate to block her once again, as you have done before, but I'm interested in the 'exposure therapy' you are doing as it can treat various illnesses, and I only ask as I've had OCD for a long time.

Look after yourself.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[JessF]

Hello MannyOrtego, it feels like you have a real struggle on your hands. You describe a turbulent relationship with your sister, that requires you sometimes to draw a line in the sand and block her for periods of time when she goes too far. But I can see that it's important for you to still maintain a relationship with her and try to find a way to minimise the impact that this controlling behaviour has on you. You've mentioned previous occasions where she has used her position as a nurse to invade your privacy, and how with her most recent threats you're worried that the safe space you've found with your new psychologist to work through your anxiety might be invaded.

It sounds as though you've been absorbing this kind of behaviour for many years. If I were in your shoes, I would definitely be talking to my psychologist about the incident to get some reassurance around how your information is stored.

I wonder though whether it's also worth taking your anxiety over this through to its natural conclusion. Let's say she did find out everything. What is likely to happen? What are you concerned that she might do? Can you put a plan together for how you will draw a firm boundary that says, your obsession with my affairs is your issue, and it doesn't affect how I deal with my issues.

Given that your sister has behaved this way for many years, it seems unlikely this is the last time that you're going to encounter this kind of behaviour, and having a plan for it that you can reliably come back to each time there's an 'incident' may help you find that balance in your relationship with her. What do you think?

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi MannyOrtego,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for your post.

It seems like JessF and Geoff has offered some support already so hopefully that has been helpful to you. I just thought I'd try and clarify a couple of extra things for you -

Having worked in a hospital and with psychologists, I can tell you that the case notes that they write about you aren't generally stored on the hospital systems. It is completely private. Things that might be stored on hospital systems could be things like pathology results, medications, allergies, diagnoses, addresses/phone numbers, emergency contacts, appointment dates/times, etc.

If she were to find out the name of your psychologist and attempt to call/contact them, your psychologist wouldn't even be able to confirm that you are their client.

I hope that this gives you a little bit of clarity. If you have another appointment with your psychologist, I'd encourage you to let them know so they're aware of it and can be more transparent in how/where the information is stored.