should you tell kids truth about parent alcoholism?

[nogo17]

Hi; a question about alcoholism and kids? Is it best to tell kids the truth their father is an alcoholic ? Ive had to kick my husband out 4 weeks ago begging him to go to rehab and get help. Of course he hasent !! Was wishful thinking. I told the kids he has to go to hospital to get better then he can come back home... Its been 4 weeks and now ive come to terms with him not caring about us on little bit; addiction is too strong.. hes left; still drinking; and not getting help. Not sure what to tell the kids now.. as my 8 year son is asking when hes coming back. My 3 daughters dont seem to care as much and are a bit relieved hes gone. ... thoughts? Also anyone know about alcoholism and memory loss???? Before he left i noticed a deterioration in cognitive side of things..Thanks in advance..

[nogo17]

Hi Kaz,

thankyou so much again for replying- and yes he is on medication for depression and anxiety, and blood pressure, and high colesterol, is over weight, and has sleep apnea uses cpap for this.. Lots of health issues.. Has been on anxiety and depression tablets for 12months- he can't handle any pressure at all.. So I sent him to Dr to get help and that's what happened... He has his own business, one man show- grew up from about 7-13 in foster homes (parents left him and sister when they broke up).. He has a good relationship with his father now for 4 years... I've tried to help him - has been drinking heavily for two years.. (But I only realised in December the extent of it)I visited his Dr and told him I was possibly going to leave because of alcoholism- he wanted to put him in rehab months ago - said heart not functioning correctly, and has liver issues, but had left with a set of clothes and tv I haven't seen him for a month now... He's still alive.. But has had no contact with me if kids- and hasent been to rehab- but happily telling everyone lies about me so I look like the bad one.. Sad thing is everyone believes him .. I have no support from family- only a few close friends.. He was a great man before alcohol but everyone still thinks he is great- they don't believe he's an alcoholic and have turned against me.. Both my parents had alcoholic parents, and my father was a heavy drinker and nasty, yet because I don't get physically abused then it must not be so bad.. I'm heart broken, alone, lost, I'm trying to keep on going for the kids, it's hard, someday I dont have the strength and don't know if I can keep going.. I can't help him- he's gone and am doing everything. Each day I'm getting resentful, and hate what has done to our family.. We couldn't live with the lies, stories, bidding alcohol, borrowing thousands from family, and isolation, and agitation, and getting nasty. Xxx

[nogo17]

Hi all,

we haven't seen or heard of my alcoholic husband since I kicked him out a month ago- in hope he would be would get help and go to rehab... Of course this has not happened.. we could no longer stand the lies, stories, hidding alcohol, taking empty bottles away each morning, borrowing large amounts of money, memory loss, aviation, isolation etc. so I got legal advice who said I'm within my rights to ask him to leave so I did. He left with a set of clothes, toiletries, and a tv, and haven't seen or heard of since. My issues is this this at the moment.. My 11 year old does gymnastics, and he has been dropping supermarket gift cards each fortnight to her gym- he gives it to the gym coach ( he has known for 5 years) then the coach gives to it my daughter. My daughter is feeling humiliated, and some of the older girls know he has left us- and there is chatter going on- she is embarrest. I tried to ring him no answer, then sent a text to stop doing it as it is embarrassing her, he still does it. He replied to my text with my own text back. Why is he doing this? Just to look good in front of others that he is providing some support? To humiliate us? Or maybe he is in a friendlier relationship with the gym coach and she is bringing the vouchers to the gym from him herself? I don't know it's all a bit weird, thinking of sending her to another gym, but don't want to as she's been there for 5 years.. why bother leaving a food voucher ( which doesn't even cover grocery bill)don't understand the motive.. Thoughts??? Thanks everyone in advance xxx