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Should be happy but I'm not

Community Member

Hi there my names Damo. I'm 32 married for 7 years with 2 awesome kids.  My wife and I have been together for 15 yrs. I was very young and green when we first got together. She is 9 months older than me. After just getting through the tough changes to  life kids make to yourself and your relationship I now find myself resenting my wife and my life. Don't get me wrong i try to be the best dad i can and put in 110% into it. I have a great relationship with my kids. They respect me and what dad says goes. But it feels like my relationship with my wife hasn't grown with us. It feels more like living with a house mate with the kids being the common denominator. We don't  argue or yell and fight. But we seam to just exist. We do nothing together unless it involves the kids. I am just starting to feel we are just different people. Sex life is non existing and i am over putting in the effort just to be shut down or fallen asleep on. 

Really confused at the moment in two minds about the grass is greener somewhere else. On the other hand i can't imagine not seeing my kids every day. If anyone has some words of wisdom it would really help me through this really crappy time. Cheers Damo

11 Replies 11

Hi Damo - so you picked up your undies and filled the water bottles, then you expected sex. In an ideal world that would work for us guys but unfortunately it's not. I know it sounds difficult but try not to be attached to outcome, ie: "if I pick up my boxers I expect sex in return". Just do those things anyway and go about your day. There's nothing wrong with trying to initiate sex and be clear about it - but if she says no, just move on and don't appear phased or make a scene. Did you get that book I recommended? If not give it a go before you make any massive decisions

And Damo I didn't want to come across sounding harsh in my last post. I know exactly what it feels like to be in your position. Your wife may indeed be saying things to you that annoys her simply because it diverts some of the likely guilt she has about not having much sex with you. What I'm trying to say is do some things to make you happy - I mean don't ignore your wife but within reason enjoy your kids, go out with friends, get fit, eat well and see what happens. Just don't make a song and dance about the sex thing for a while. Initiate, and if she declines don't make a big deal about it, try again another time.