She told me she will be leaving in 6 months

NotReallyOkay · ‎14-11-2017

So I've been with this girl, not really in a romantic relationship, but just really we both enjoyed each other's companionship, we eat together, shop for errands together, workout together, movies every night together. But, yesterday, out of a sudden, she said she'll need to leave this city in 6 months, it is due to various issues, she can't stand the weather here, she missed her friends in Brisbane, she hated her current job which she can't wait to quit.

When I heard that she said she's going to leave, it's like she's put and expiration date to this relationship. We're staying in the same house, working at the same place, we're around each other really 24hrs a day. I can't handle what she said yesterday, I know if I don't isolate myself from her as soon as possible, it would really be a heartbreak 6 months later when she leave. I have no idea why is she being so selfish, or maybe I just expect too much out of her. Or maybe I just committed myself too much.

Right now I'm really not happy, but I act like I can handle it in front of her, 24hrs. The rational me tells me to leave right now or I'll suffer even more later. But the emotional me, just really want to be around her. I can't follow her to Brisbane, I can't transfer my university scholarship. I've already sacrificed so much for her, yet she can't just hold on until I graduate and we move together. I'm hurt so bad, but I can't tell her, I can't let her know, I don't want to increase her pressure which she's been getting a lot from the shitty job she's been having. I acted like I don't mind she leave but I do really mind, a lot of it. I have no idea what I could do.

Ive been alone throughout the first 23 years of my life, until I met her. I wonder how I survived through that, but I really don't wanna go back to that life again. But if she really do leave regardless of how I persuade her to stay, I'll probably isolate myself from society. The feeling of losing something or someone is worse that not having it at all. I've experienced it once during my parent's divorce, and now the second time. Stuff all these feels. I hope I can just pop a pill and be worry free, and emotionless

quirkywords · ‎15-11-2017

NotReallyOkay

Welcome to the forum. Thank you for reaching out and expressing your feelings.

It must be difficult for your girlfriend to give you 6months notice that she is leaving.

I can tell you want to understand her reasons but it is hard on you.

You only heard the news a few days ago, so your feelings are still raw.

Having someone leave you is hard and to face it for a second time makes it difficult for you.

You are thinking about her feelings ahead of your own which show how sensitive you are.

There are many threads on the forum and some of them may be of interest to you.

Feelings can be overwhelming at times but feelings are what makes us humans and they can and do change.

Quirky

romantic_thi3f · ‎16-11-2017

Hi NotReallyOkay,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for your post.

I'm sorry to hear about the news. It sounds like it was really sudden and kind of threw things up in the air a bit. I can see where you're coming from and sounds like you're a bit torn in wanting to tell her but not wanting to, and wanting to pack up and leave now to save yourself from the pain later. None of those options are really ideal are they? Yet there is still a few things within your control.

I wonder what it might be like if you did think about talking to her about how you're feeling. Not necessarily to ask her to stay/go/why but just allowing her to see how it really is affecting you and how you're feeling a bit of heartbreak right now. I know that you said you didn't want to add pressure because she was already under pressure from the shitty job, but this is wayyy different.

Whatever you decide to do, we'll be here for you. and I don't know you but I know that you're not the same person you were at 23. At the end of the day, you're here - and that tells me that no matter what you're still determined to be actually okay.

geoff · ‎17-11-2017

hello NotReallyOkay, this must be hearbreaking news to know that she will be leaving in 6 months time, but it's certainly a puzzle why all of a sudden she has decided to do this after all the good times you have both had together, even though her reasons are all rational reasons, but I wonder whether any of this was discussed between the two of you, such as the weather, her friends in Brisbane and what they all do and whether she felt a little bit jealous of what they're doing compared to what she's doing.
You would think that if she was missing them then they would come into your conversations often enough, giving you the impression that she is actually missing them.
If you are in Victoria then moving back to Brisbane is a reasonable request, a lot of Melbournians do go to Queensland over the winter months for the warmer weather, however I'm interested whether or not you held hands, as well as a kiss on the cheek.
The more you pretend to her that there doesn't seem to be anything problem is only going to prolong your agony, because as soon as she goes, then you will fall like a ton of bricks and probably fall into depression, that's not what I suggest, you have to tell her now how you feel, tell her that your going to miss her, give her a kiss, probably something you may have wanted to do for a long time, and tell her that you have fallen for her and in love with her, I say this because it's obvious this is the reason why you are feeling this way.
If you were two people who went out to the occasional movie, shopping together every now and then, then you wouldn't be feeling this way.
Kiss her and tell her you are in love with her. Geoff.

NotReallyOkay · ‎19-11-2017

Quite close to what you said. We held hands, we even slept in the same room. But we never had sex, part of the reason we're both Christians, also because we felt we haven't reach that stage yet. We're in NT, I really felt like asking her to stay, but rationally, there's really no reason :'( I really wanted to be selfish for once and ask her to bear with everything and stay beside me for 1.5 years, just 1.5 years more........ I hate this expiry date on her companionship.

Juliet_84 · ‎23-11-2017

My advice, put your heart on your sleeve and tell her that you don't want to go..and do it soon, before these plans become too big to undo. No woman has ever taken offense to a man telling her how he feels about her, even if it's someone you didn't expect, it's always a nice thing to hear. And in this case it will prevent you living with the dreaded "what if" for the rest of your life. Be brave and tell her how you feel. The worst that could happen is she goes anyway, which she's already doing unless you say something.