Sexual Health and the Idea of Never Having a Partner

[Azzdog]

Hi everyone, I'm not sure how to put this but hopefully it will make sense.

I am a 24 year old male who currently is in therapy and sees a psychologist regularly. I have OCD, anxiety, depression, and autism, and when you put those all together, it becomes understandable why socialising is a major problem for me. One major cause of my current situation is the fact that I have never hd a girlfriend or had sex. Because we live in the digital age, it is almost impossible to avoid the fact that a lot of people are in relationships and that modern society is obsessed with the concept of sex. You would almost have to live on a deserted island in order to completely avoid all the triggers associated with it.

My cause of concern is that I have no one that I can relate to on this and that I feel like I struggle to articulate how bad it is for my mental health. My psychologist says that I am well in the normal distribution for young men but that doesn't really make me feel any better. Because I am shy, introverted, and have a lot of hobbies and interests that are not in line with contemporary society, I genuinely feel like I will never have a girlfriend, never have sex, and die alone. This fact alone has meant in the past 6 months, I have had 5 separate stints in a psychiatric ward due to concerns of my own safety. I was wondering if there are any other young men out there who feel the same way and are currently in the same boat, and if there are any young mens health groups around? I feel the latter would be important for me and reassure me that I am not the only one who feels this way.

[Azzdog]

Yeah it was pretty disappointing. I will try again in the new year.

Thats not a bad idea actually. I don’t know where oh would be able to get one but I’ll let the guy know and see what he thinks. I think eventually we would want a human drummer haha.

I don’t play drums myself and nor do I have a kit.

Also I got my Bachelor of Arts today. I got dressed up and all. 😊😊

[james1]

Yaaay!! Congrats Aaron 🙂

[Azzdog]

Thanks my man 😊😊

[Azzdog]

It makes me really sad but someone who I went to school with has just gotten married.

It makes me seriously wonder how on earth its going to happen to me.

[smallwolf]

Hi Azzdog,

I know this one things gets you down, but also remember all the positives you have going on at the moment. And if you need to write these down and put into your phone here is a little list...

- graduated from Uni (and Congrats btw)

- musically things are taking off for you

- you will be getting some sort of resolution in Jan to the other matter that you were worrying about

- an excellent taste in music otherwise

- unique and don't conform to social norms (thinking about others getting drunk)

- intelligent (based on studies and interests)

I am sure you could find others. And by way of analogy, I have a list of "reasons to live" in my phone still. They are stored in a special notebook on the phone. While my wife does not check my phone, or know it is there, is an ever present reminder to keep fighting. Maybe you could do something with the above list. And if you feel down, look at the above list?

Wishing you a merry Christmas,

Tim

[HamSolo01]

Hey Azzdog.

I have been off the grid as it were. I was overseas for a month and then in the last week have been at home and now it's Christmas already. Away again.... Life....

I Had a quick Skim over developments for you. In the past year I have learned a lot about myself in the realm of dating, girlfriends, relationships and sexual health. All that has come by way of witnessing things around me and speaking and listening to other people in relationships.

Know that my ears are always open to this topic. It's something that strikes a chord with me if I am honest. It was after all the central topic of my initial post on BB forums.

I have begun to think it is best to focus on my own self. Focus on career and focus on personal and physical health. I have also tuned out from the mainstream narrative of just about anything. It's the most liberated and free that I have ever felt.

Congrats on graduation! I did too! Though I was overseas atthe time haha, so I got my degree in the mail soon to be arriving I hope. Either way, it felt good to finish officially. It's proof (and for yourself too) that we can achieve things despite our scenarios and mental health. Never forget that.

I hope that your Christmas is a good one. You find it restful and enjoyable with your family.

[Azzdog]

Hey Tim,

Thanks for the message. I really appreciate it. Sorry I haven’t replied for a few days. I felt I just needed a break until I got through Christmas. Still have New Years to get through. I have put that list into my phone. 😊

Hey Mitch,

Its good to hear from you. Hope your overseas trip was good. I like your attitude towards everything. I wish I could share your optimism right now. I think it’s because of the time of the year and it’s hard to make serious changes right now.

I have some things set up for next year, group things and the like. I also hope I can get somewhere in the field of becoming an advocate in what I have been suffering from. I think the more we get the word out the more we an encourage young men to feel less isolated and more proactive with their mental health and overall wellbeing.

[Doolhof]

Hi Aaron,

Just wanted to make a comment about your post, congratulations on wanting to help others in the same or in a similar situation to you! That is excellent! People need to know there is help available, that others have experienced something similar and people get it!

This time of year can certainly be confronting in many ways, so having plans and ideas on how to cope and get through certainly helps.

I'm looking at changing Employment Providers early next year so that will be a huge step for me. I've been experiencing panic attacks every time I go to the current providers office, so I am hoping a change will be just what I need!

All I need is a bit of confidence right!

All the best to you from Dools

[Azzdog]

Hey Dools,

Thanks, it's something that I have noticed over the past year and a half. There isn't a lot of information and practical things for young men to engage in and talk about their mental health. From my experience over the past year and a half, I feel that social groups that have an emphasis on therapy for mental health is something that is essential. It's a shame that there is nothing, as I can see, that exists around where I live. I want there to be more support and I would like to be an advocate for it. I don't think I have as much passion on this issue as I do on anything else... well maybe music.

I feel if I share my story it won't just help others but it will myself as well.

I hope everything goes well for you in changing employment providers. Change is always anxiety provoking but it can sometimes be the thing that gets you back on track.

I'm still struggling a bit at the moment. New Years is around the corner and I know that will be hard to get through. I hope I can push through by playing my music as loud as I possibly can! I am listening to some Fugazi at the moment and I hope they will be able to get me through the next week. I still have some unresolved issues with my previous therapists that I am not dealing with well at all. I struggle to get through the days without getting really distressed about it. This morning at work was hell. I feel horrible and sick about it.

I am hoping next year will be different for me. I am hoping it will be the year that everything starts to click and I can finally find my place in this world.

[Doolhof]

Hi Aaron,

Well done to you for wanting positive changes! My year has not been all that flash so I too am hoping I can do things differently next year, even starting to day with ideas and plans for what I want to change.

Earlier on, I did a rough sketch of a tree and from it I have written thoughts hanging from the branches about things I know I want to change and how I want to grow into a different person.

Using a tree is a symbol of growth and strength to me. I am going to continue to work on it later and then glue the picture into my HOPE journal.

I also agree with you that in some areas the support required for mental health issues all across the spectrum are not being met. Hope you are able to get your ideas into actions.

New Year's Eve we usually spend with friends, this year they are all away. My husband doesn't want to join in in any community events for New Years so we will be at home. Maybe we will find a movie to watch and then I will go to bed when I am tired!

I'm finding I need to keep my expectations reasonable and achievable!

Hey, I just watched a clip of Smokey ( I think) singing "Living next door to Alice". What a classic form about 1977!

Cheers from Dools