Sexual Health and the Idea of Never Having a Partner

Azzdog · ‎10-07-2018

Hi everyone, I'm not sure how to put this but hopefully it will make sense.

I am a 24 year old male who currently is in therapy and sees a psychologist regularly. I have OCD, anxiety, depression, and autism, and when you put those all together, it becomes understandable why socialising is a major problem for me. One major cause of my current situation is the fact that I have never hd a girlfriend or had sex. Because we live in the digital age, it is almost impossible to avoid the fact that a lot of people are in relationships and that modern society is obsessed with the concept of sex. You would almost have to live on a deserted island in order to completely avoid all the triggers associated with it.

My cause of concern is that I have no one that I can relate to on this and that I feel like I struggle to articulate how bad it is for my mental health. My psychologist says that I am well in the normal distribution for young men but that doesn't really make me feel any better. Because I am shy, introverted, and have a lot of hobbies and interests that are not in line with contemporary society, I genuinely feel like I will never have a girlfriend, never have sex, and die alone. This fact alone has meant in the past 6 months, I have had 5 separate stints in a psychiatric ward due to concerns of my own safety. I was wondering if there are any other young men out there who feel the same way and are currently in the same boat, and if there are any young mens health groups around? I feel the latter would be important for me and reassure me that I am not the only one who feels this way.

Azzdog · ‎30-12-2018

Hey Dools,

I hope you can manage to get through New Years.

I'm sorry for the short reply because I have just hit rock bottom. WOW I feel like shit. I've never felt as hopeless as I do now.

Doolhof · ‎30-12-2018

Hi Aaron,

Sorry to read that you have taken a nose dive! Can you try to pull your self out of this downward spiral?

Can you listen to some music, have a chat with someone, share here what the problem is if you know, call one of the help lines, go for a walk, distract your mind, play some music perhaps.

Hey Aaron, it is tough when we hit rock bottom. I certainly know what that place can feel like.

I want to encourage you to try and do just one small thing that might help you to feel a little better.

Hope you can call out to someone there, and connect with someone who can help you through this.

Hoping you can pick yourself up soon Aaron! Kind regards from Dools

Azzdog · ‎30-12-2018

Hey Dools,
I am desperately trying to. I have been listening to some Minor Threat at the moment. They are the only band that fully articulate how I feel about the world. All the ridiculous emphasis on drinking culture in this country is insane. I have seen a few people in the last few weeks that I went to school with getting married. I am yet to have a girlfriend. It is really depressing and I wonder how I can actually change that? I am really not looking forward to tomorrow. New Years Eve is the day where couples go out and have fun but I know what I'll be doing. Nothing. I hope it goes quick.
I tried to write a song today. It is possibly one of the heaviest I've written. I have noticed my guitar playing has started to shift towards heavy metal. Probably because I've been listening to a lot of Killing Joke. I've also been listening to a lot of hardcore punk as well which has contributed to it. Plus my mood has been all over the place the past few weeks.

smallwolf · ‎30-12-2018

Hi Azzdog,

(* Waves to Dools *)

Even though I have not been posting here of late, wanted you to know that I have been be following you. Noticed your reference to a shift towards heavy metal... have you found a distortion pedal? Apparently they were an influence on bands like Metallica, NIN, and other grunge bands. I tend to think the music "we" (read "me") listen to reflects our mood.

In an similar vain.. the books I read can have the same effect. Started reading horror stories again. Sort of therapeutic for me. I know that you like history and politics. But wondering what sort of fictional stories you like? And when it comes to horror, I want it to be scary vs slasher stories or zombies. Just finished reading "A head full of ghosts" - was quite good.)

Tim

Doolhof · ‎31-12-2018

Hi Azzdog, Tim and All,

No matter what you do on New Year's Eve, I hope you manage to tell yourselves that how yo are spending your time is okay. We don't have to believe that we can be okay if we attend parties, if we are popular, if we have loads of friends, if we have the right clothes to wear and the best car on the street.

We all are who we are and have the right to be able to feel good about ourselves no matter what the circumstances.

So me, I am going to make the most of our New Year's Eve sitting at home, listening to my husband alternate between snoring and passing wind while the cricket is on!

If I try to change the channel he will wake up and tell me he was watching the cricket! Wish I knew how to use the video recording device on my phone! I wonder if it records the sound as well!

Happy New Year's Eve!

Cheers from Dools

Azzdog · ‎31-12-2018

Hey Tim,

Thanks for letting me know. My amp plays distortion but I do have a distortion pedal for my bass guitar as my bass amp does not have distortion. Yeah they have been an influence a lot of alt rock and metal bands. They have a very unique sound that combined punk and metal with dance music.

I tend to go for gothic novels from the 19th century early 20th century. My favourite books include Dracula and Frankenstein.

Hey Dools,

I am watching the cricket with my mum at the moment. I had a panic attack at work today and I had to come home early. Its because of the time of the year. I hate this time of the year. It is so fake and I just hope it goes quickly.

I am really struggling at the moment.

Doolhof · ‎31-12-2018

Hi Azzdog,

Those panic attacks can be a bother can't they! I had ne recently and approached a lady and asked if she would chat to me so I didn't totally freak out. The lady was very kind and had a chat until I felt better then went on her way.

My husband is a bit disappointed in his team not doing so well at the cricket so it is not much fun listening to him grumble! I have left the room for a little while.

Generally I pick up on other people's moods and his is not pleasant at the moment.

In the past I used to like reading Stephen King novels and seeing his movies but I don't any more. Books have to be quite tame for me to read them these days! I do like reading interesting travel stories too.

I read one of a guy who ran along the length of the Great Wall of China, only in some provinces this was illegal so he had to run some stages at night and hide from the Chinese guards and army.

Hey Azzdog, hope you are feeling a bit better tomorrow!

Cheers to you from Dools

Azzdog · ‎31-12-2018

Hey everyone,

I just found out my sister is going on a holiday with her boyfriend soon. I haven't even had a relationship yet this is so freaking unfair. I hate myself right now.

Doolhof · ‎01-01-2019

Hey Azzdog,

Can you take yourself on a holiday? I have done that in the past. I mainly head to the beach. When you are by yourself you get to do exactly what you want to do without having to worry about anyone else.

Is it possible for you to be happy for your sister and her boyfriend? Holding grudges and regrets can make us a little bitter and twisted.

Hope you can plan something to dot hat yo will enjoy!

Cheers to you from Dools

Azzdog · ‎01-01-2019

Hey Dools,

I am a struggling uni student. I don't have the money to go on a holiday and nor do I have the time. I don't like the beach because of the sea water but of also the triggers that I will find there.

I am trying to be but there is a part of me knows that that won't happen to me. I will live alone for the rest of my life because I was born with bad genetics.