Seperated and lost

[Witchy76]

Hi I’m 45 seperated for a year from my husband of 8 years, when we first split I was so focused on what I wanted to do. I wanted my own place near my kids and grand kids etc I was walking 4 k everyday, I was chatting to other people felt like I was happy. But I couldn’t find somewhere to rent, after applying for over 30 houses, there were either too many applicants or I wasn’t earning enough. So I stayed in the marital home while he stayed in the motor home outside. He would come in the house and tell me how much he loved me etc etc but it was more yell at me his frustration. Then he would yell at me that he was going to kill himself . And he was very convincing that that was his plan. After a few not so great dates I had with other people I thought maybe I would give my husband another chance. Now I feel stuck and lost. Depressed and miserable. Stopped walking, stopped being happy. I also have lived with his dad for 8 years in the backyard which I loathe. Would be grateful for any tips advice wisdom a genie to grant wishes . Thanks Ali

[Witchy76]

Thanks for replying Waterfront

ive always put up with things way too long. But walking is helping me get back to my ( I deserve better happy place) if that makes sense.
i just need a plan. But he wants to sell house so me packing up my stuff and maybe storing it he would think nothing of it as I’m decluttering so that’s a start for me. And I will try to ring domestic violence people on Monday . See what they say.

[WaterFront]

Hi Ali,

It does make sense and it sounds like you are putting a plan together. Good for you. Some things are just baby steps but they still make us feel like we are heading in the right direction and you can only do things when you are ready and in the right space to do them. If you can, and feel you want to, please let us know how you go.

Sending you good thoughts.

WF

[Witchy76]

Hi waterfront

I will keep you posted thanks for the help.

one day at a time for me and yes sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t be complaining there’s a lot worse then me out there.

will just keep plodding along.

thanks

ali

[Witchy76]

Hello

just an update, I’m still here putting up with things sigh.

he followed me on a morning walk once and I had no clue he was there, most people would yell out ‘wait up’ or would text I’m right behind you, but nope he was quite happy just to watch me.
I havnt attempted to ring anyone about housing but I have saved some money so it’s a start I guess

thanks

Ali

[geoff]

Hello Ali, walking behind you without knowing could be classified as emotional abuse, although I'm not qualified to say, but that's how I see it.

Here we are talking with you, not anyone else, and yes, there are possibly other people worse off, but they have their own threads, here we are talking to you about this issue.

If he wants to sell the property, then that's a way to leave him, but you need to talk with the solicitor and inform them.

Ho did you go with DV people.

Geoff.

[Witchy76]

Hi Geoff

mom yet to ring, don’t know what’s stopping me really.

just had a nightmare, screaming out in my sleep someone’s trying to get me, in the dream I can’t talk. But in reality I’m breathing heavy and calling out etc not pleasant . Having one every month I reckon.

sigh

Ali

[WaterFront]

Hi Ali,

I'm sorry to hear that your situation hasn't improved though glad to hear you are still walking as it seems to help you feel better. I would say that the dreams/nightmares are your subconscious trying to work through what you are going through and a reflection of the way you are feeling about your relationship and needing to get yourself away from your ex partner and your living situation.

I can't tell you what to do as it is for you to decide when you are ready. It might be time to make those phone calls. Your ex partner's behaviours are concerning. I wonder if there is a way to have someone be your advocate and make the calls for you or help you make them. I hope someone on BB might have some links or ideas they could share. Maybe talking to your GP for some referrals or the BB helpline. Sometimes, even reaching out to your local council for assistance might point you in the right direction.

You'll do it when you are ready. Let us know how you go and our thoughts are with you.

WF

[Witchy76]

Hi waterfront

I think what makes it harder is he is great most of the time and then bam does something sketchy so I forget how mad I am with him etc and when it comes the time I should ring and leave I just feel so bad. I’m too nice

but yes i have trouble making that phone call. I am a very anxious person though and I’m depressed . But I’m ok

thanks for helping me

Ali

[WaterFront]

Hi Ali,

I can relate so much to what you are saying - 'Too nice, very anxious and depressed'. It really resonates with me. It makes it so hard to do anything when you've got that combo going on. Inertia sets in and it makes it hard to do anything at all and then you end up putting up with things. Some days, just getting out of bed and dressed is an achievement so I'm impressed that you are able to keep up with the walking and looking after your pets etc.

It doesn't help that you actually have reached out to various organisations and had lots of barriers put in your way, or for a variety of reasons they haven't been able to provide the assistance you need - at least in the short term.

If you don't mind me asking, have you talked to your GP about this? I googled 'community services' and followed some links and found a few potential organisations that might help you in carrying out a plan to leave, providing support and skills, getting yourself ready to do it. These would be specific to the area where you live though.

It's good that your ex partner is 'great' most of the time though it sounds like that just lolls you into staying until the next time he does something sketchy.

Anyway, I wish you the best with it and hope you can find a way to resolve the situation. Here to talk.

WF

[Witchy76]

Hi waterfront

yes I’m still miserable deep down I guess because I know what he’s done and is capable of doing.

lately he feels it’s his right to go into my daughters room, she’s not currently home at the moment but he feels because it’s his house he’s entitled no matter what I say.

he still sits and tells me all he wants is sex. And try’s to force on cuddles and when I say I’m not interested sends me texts about how he’s sorry and I deserve someone better. Etc

urgh

I bought a lotto ticket today lol here’s hoping I win so I can buy myself a townhouse and live happily ever after lol

Ali