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Scared of dating and putting myself out there

Community Member


I think I would like to meet someone but I am scared to get out there again as it has been about 7 years I dated last and 14 years since I had a long term relationship.

I am fairly aware of the things I should do but I find online dating so subjective and often demoralising particularly now I am mid 50's. I have very few friends that live in the same city and my other friends live far away so my social circle is limited. My best mate is 24 years younger so although we have many things in common the women he knows are far to young.

I do find it hard to connect with other people and due to the medications I take that helps but my desires are almost none existent now. That and the fear of rejection is holding me back. I unfortunately I also find myself rarely physically attracted to women of the same age and I just do not understand why.

What to do I often ask myself.


5 Replies 5

Community Member
Honesty is the best policy; if online-dating is the only option, just write that you want to "double-date friend-date" because you haven't dated in 7 years, and you're just looking for some new connections and social-circles "around" your own age. See if your young mate will grab a girl, and all four of you go out one night. Make it fun, friendly, and casual.

If you're not physically attracted to women your own age, and your desires are almost non-existent - welcome to adulthood! Emotional Attraction is the fuel for intimacy, and meaningful connection. Just have fun, and realise everyone is probably just as nervous as each other.

Another great way to meet people locally, is thru meetup dot org (whatever that site is) for ACTIVITIES! Just people who like the same things as you.

When I go outside (at all), I just imagine I'm dating the WHOLE WORLD, and I be kind, and friendly.

Good Luck šŸ™‚

Hi GoldenButterfly

Thank you for your advice and words of encouragement. I will certainly look into meetup as I have heard about it before. I do not know much about it but it is worth a shot.


Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello BOC, well turning 50 and not been dating for 7 years, the thought of getting back into dating after being out of the game for so long can stir up emotions and induce anxiety.

It can also leave you with uncertainty and doubt, questions about yourself, and whether there is any chance in your love life.

The longer the time between a relationship the harder it is for people to find somebody else as our options of what we like and don't like in another person begin to become more dominant.

I'm older than you, but now if somebody wants a relationship it would not be living together, I want my freedom, but hope you are able to find somebody.


Community Member

Hi Geoff

Thanks for getting in touch.

I agree it is becoming harder the longer I leave it and I know I need to "get out there". Though I miss the intimacy it is more the companionship and the enjoyment or experiencing what the world has to offer that is the most important.

BOC i.e. Blue Oyster Cilt fan.

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello BOC, thanks for getting back to me, and yes, we do miss the intimacy, but back when we were young, then the enjoyment and fun was a build to what may happen, and it did, but as we get older the whole scenario changes.

Now it's wanting companionship and the enjoyment of life and if a close intimacy does happen then that's your second love.

Best wishes.