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Sad and confused

Community Member

I am not sure where to start. This is my first time. I have been with my BF for 2.5 years. We have had lots of problems beyond our control. Recently he got kicked out of home and came to live with me. It has been hard as we don't have much money.

On Friday everything was perfect. He was loving and caring. Then all of a sudden he snapped and went to bed. I am not even sure why he got so angry. 

Then on Saturday he wasn't talking to me and then later that night he said he was going to his sisters for the weekend. I panicked, started to cry and wondered what I had done that was so bad. I made the mistake of chasing him and making a scene. I now realise that I should have just let him go for the weekend and he would have come home and it wouldn't be this bad.

I texted and he would talk to me at all. Eventually the next day he said he was coming to get a few things to stay there longer. 

Then on Sunday night he came to some clothes. He wasn't himself. He was very agitated and all over the place. I just let him get what he wanted and then he left. 

 I have tried to talk to him since then. Probably too much. I have tried to ask what's wrong, what I did etc. I wish now I had just left it. 

I am so lost and confused. I suffer from bad anxiety on a good day so this is just sending me crazy. I don't know what to do or if he is going to come back and if he is when. 

He does go through these stages. I am just worried for him. Especially as I don't know why he gets so upset. He gets angry and he doesn't know how to control it. He has never hurt me and he never would. 

I hate the uncertainty. Everything I have read has told me to just give him his space and when he is ready he will come back. It's just really hard when you love and care for someone so much that you would go to bed with everyday and was always there is suddenly gone and you don't know why.

I wish I could just turn back to Friday when it was perfect. 

I just don't know what to do or where to go from here. 


1 Reply 1

Community Member

Hi Nessie.  Sorry to say this, it's not what you want to hear.  You're best bet is to leave it for now.  Something or someone has 'set' him off and he's gone into a tangent/tailspin.  Possibly, he got 'cold feet' from moving in with you.  Did you plan to move in eventually or was this on the spur of the moment?  If he's just got 'cold feet' let him sort out for himself what he wants.  Maybe living with his sister for awhile might be better than 'committing' to you.  You've known him 2.5 years, suddenly you're living together, it's a huge step if it wasn't planned.  Girls are natural 'home bodies' men aren't.  Some men like living in a 'flatmate' situation be it with a female or male, some men prefer living alone where they can come and go to suit themselves.  Once he sorts out what he wants, no doubt he will contact you. 

In the meantime, I would get on with my life.  If he decides living with you isn't what he wants and you've 'waited' for him, you're going to resent putting your life on hold waiting for him.  Let him know you're willing to be just friends if that's all he wants.  I know how hard that last part sounds, but that's all I can suggest.